Rant Biblical Proportions
. by Justin on June 30, 2009 | |
I'm not the most religious person in my family. I mean, I know the basics. I know that I should love my neighbors, and I know that I should love my
enemies (strangely, these are the same people). But growing up, my mother always pressured me to dig deeper. She said that it'd scare the hell out of me.
Considering the irony in her remark, I never took it seriously.
There's only one occasion in which I encounter the Bible. And no, it's not church (that'd be too obvious). I'm talking, of course, about
vacations.
Which brings me to my rant: I don't get why in God's name (ha)
they put bibles in the drawers of hotel rooms. Well actually, I've been thinking about it, and I've come up with two conclusions:
#1. They're trying to scare us. They're trying to guilt us with their goodness, figuring we'll think twice before stealing their crummy towels, pens, shampoos, sheets, pillows, televisions, beds, windows, employees, etc... But to be honest, even
I've stolen a few accessories.
Everyone does (it's in the
official travel guidebook that I haven't written yet). And besides, most people that check into motel rooms are already committed to doing
something naughty.
#2. It's all about the money. Religious organizations are secretly in cahoots with hotels in order to make a profit. Obviously, God doesn't pay priests until the afterlife, so how are they supposed to make do in the mean time?
Psh... No longer will they accept donations in those smelly, straw hats. Get ready, because soon we'll be checking into hotels like Saint Hyatt and
Our Lady of Hilton.
Regardless of the reason, I still have one major problem with it... It doesn't seem politically correct. What about the other religious books? Where are the Torahs? ... or the Qurans? ... or the
official travel guidebooks that I still haven't written yet?
I suppose there are bigger issues in the world. I mean, for the past century, the United States has been busy trying to solve grand-scale religious conflicts. With "Separation of church and state" and "Separation of church and school," there's not really much time left for "Separation of church and bedside table."
If people need your cash, then they clearly don't know how to get rich fast. Duh. Oh, and for the record, there is no such thing as a free iPod. If time is money, then 50 billion hours of online surveys is a tad bit fricken expensive. 
How the hell was I supposed to trust him with my life?
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