Start Every Day with a Smile

My mother used to say I should start every day with a smile.

Well, I’ve been thinking about it, and that’s a pretty tough task. When I wake up, my mouth is usually in a frowning position. And no, it’s not because I’m sad. It’s just my face. When I sleep, I have a literal “resting bitch face.”

Aside from the frown, my mouth is often tackling other obstacles. Sometimes it’s dry and chapped. Sometimes it’s wet and drooly. Sometimes it’s covered in whipped cream from the kinky night before.

Sorry Mom, but I’m set up for failure. There’s no possible way for me to follow your advice.

I mean, I could quickly adjust my face as soon as I’m coherent… but technically, that’s not “starting” my day with a smile. The frown still proceeds it. And besides, I don’t have the acting chops to pull off the switcheroo. Somebody would catch me. Somebody always catches me when I fake things in bed.

Even if I could fool the world with an Oscar-worthy performance, I have other questions regarding my mother’s advice. Am I supposed to interpret the “day” literally? Should I be smiling at precisely 12:00 AM?

This is a problem. Most midnights, I’m not even asleep yet. To follow the rules, I’d have to smile before I go to sleep. I would no longer be starting my day in the morning, but rather; I’d be starting my day in the middle of the previous night. I’d be starting my day on the previous day before the previous day was even over. Bedtime would be my morning. None of this makes any damn sense.

And what if I am asleep at midnight? Unless I develop a habit of sleep-smiling, there’s no hope for me. I’d have to find a way to hold my smile all night.

Maybe I could duct tape my lips. Maybe I could get Botox injections. Maybe I could hire a magical gnome that watches me in my sleep and touches my face when the time is right.

Bah, I give up. I’m not going to smile. Smiling is overrated. Who cares? And it’s not like this is the first time I haven’t listened to my mother… I have “whipped cream” stained sheets to prove it.

What’s the worst thing that could happen? If I don’t smile, there won’t be consequences. Well, at least I don’t think so. Unless this is one of those stupid superstition things. What if it’s like seeing a black cat, walking under a ladder, or breaking a mirror with your ugly face?

If I don’t start my day with a smile, will I have bad luck? Will I get hurt? Will I fall out of a window? Will I crap my pants?

This is more serious than I thought. I’m going to start every day with a diaper.

147 Comments Add yours

  1. Gillian says:

    Aww truue!
    Your classes sound so much better than mine Geez.
    I hate school cause its so amazingly boring atm.

  2. Lani says:

    Haha probably, although I am found to be considerably less not-very-nice on the internets

  3. Eunice says:

    Amazing blog entry. xD
    I think you should use the garden gnome method, because I think it's most effective for smiling the whole day.
    But then you have to make sure that he touches your face to smile at exactly 12:00AM.
    Good plan good plan.

  4. Saddam says:

    the sandman 😮

  5. Alicia says:

    I'm so terrible with my late reply! *smacks hand with ruler* there.

    LOL my mom says that too. I never do. I wake up angry because I wake up… if that makes sense. haha. I enjoy sleep. School ruins my day. It's why I don't wake up with a smile most days.

    lolololol don't buy a gnome. You wouldn't be able to sleep with that creepy thing watching you. Leave the gnome in the front lawn. (: or drop it out the window…. of a 10 story building. All better.

    What you should do is… place a happy picture in front of your bed and when you wake up it'll be the first thing you see and BAM!!instant smile. Or maybe a cupcake or something.

  6. tiaralynn says:

    for the past few days i've woken up sick.
    </3 otherwise, I wake up surprised and weird.

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