The Early Bird Gets the Worm

They say that the early bird gets the worm.  I don’t know who they are, but they should mind their own damn business. Did the birds start this rumor? If so, I hope they get the bird flu. It’s a stupid idiom, and I despise it.

I mean, I completely disagree with the message. It implies that the people who wake up earlier (or get things done first) will reap the benefits. Bullshit. It’s not always advantageous to be the first one up in the morning. Just look at the worm. If the worm had hit the snooze button, it wouldn’t be inside of a bird’s tummy right now.

And frankly,  the expression is unfair. It assumes that all birds have an equal opportunity to be up at the crack of dawn, when truthfully, some birds are doomed from the start. There are poverty-stricken birds that can’t afford an alarm clock. They are stuck on bird-feed stamps. They live in cardboard nests.

And on the other end of the spectrum, you’ve got birds with an unfair advantage. Roosters are always up early. That’s kind of their thing.

Excuse my rambling. My point is that not everyone is a morning person. Some of us thrive at night. We shouldn’t have to follow any set schedule. We can accomplish greatness whenever we want.

I don’t want to live in a world where you can only be successful if you wake at sunrise. I’m always late to everything. Life would never go my way. I’d probably end up working some super sketch night shift at a testing facility cleaning radioactive toilets.

And worst of all, I wouldn’t make a name for myself. No one would know my name. They’d call me Hell. They’d call me Stacey. That’s not my name. That’s not my name!

All of this because of a stupid expression about a stupid bird. It’s not worth it. I don’t even want the worm, anyway. Who the hell wants a nasty ass worm? I’m not a fisherman. Call me crazy, but I believe that sleeping-in and having a mediocre existence sounds much better than chomping down on a squirmy, nasty bug.

Unless the worm is gummy.

122 Comments Add yours

  1. Chelsea says:

    Haha, yes sour worms are my favorite worm, too 😀 i'll buy you some sour gummy worms if you buy me some too, k?
    And i hate waking up early, so fuck the worm.

  2. Tammy says:

    um, its alright you ?

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