Bada Bop Ba Ba… I’m Lovin’ Shit

In the mood for a classy date, my boyfriend and I headed to McDonalds. I know, I know. Nothing says romance like screaming kids, greasy food, and a perverted clown who’s lovin’ it. But trust me, we were having a great time.

Love was in the air — A love so strong that it almost overpowered the smell of french fries and obese children. Almost. As we ate our food, we smiled and laughed. We were having a happy meal. Not even the Hamburglar could have robbed us of our bliss.

But then something happened — something tragic — something disturbing, nauseating, and surprisingly, a tad bit amusing. It happened while we were seated in one of those painful, cheap plastic bench-table hybrids.

Let me set the scene. My boyfriend was jabbering about the latest Britney Spears gossip, and I was scanning the backside of my paper placemat; which, by the way, now has nutritious facts instead of a coloring sheet. Hmph.

We were suddenly interrupted by a loud noise from the side entrance. The door flung open, revealing a fat, hairy man with no shirt on. The man exhaled a few grunts and sprinted past our table; his arm fat flailing through the air.

As he dashed towards the restroom, his heavy footsteps thudded against the “linoleum.” With each step, his pants fell a few centimeters lower. I looked up just in time to see his lovely ass crack.

Once he was in the bathroom, the two of us looked at each other and spontaneously broke into laughter. What the hell just happened? Picking up the conversation, my boyfriend joked, “I wonder if he crapped his pants.”

I smiled at his remark and began to look around the room; hoping to see funny reactions from other people who had witnessed the spectacle.

Unfortunately, something else caught my attention. I noticed something on the ground. After leaning in and getting a good whiff, I realized it was a turd. Well, it was more like a river of poo leading to the bathroom.

In horror, I pointed at the brown ickyness, let out a whispered-shriek, and then, in a high-pitched valley girl voice, I wailed, “HE DID!!!!!”

At this McDonald’s, we did not put a smile on.

119 Comments Add yours

  1. Axi says:

    That's freaking awesome! The irony in this post had me chuckling the entire time I read it.

  2. Sophie says:

    Thanks so much for reviewing me on rev.iew.me, it was a great review 🙂

    Your blog is hilarious, haha. I hate McDonald's, it's always full of little kids, there's never any seats, the food's not great anyway and it's dirty >_< Yours even more so now by the sounds of it, haha!

  3. Regina says:

    No more colouring pages?! NOOOOOO!
    But seriously… LOLOL. That is hilarious

  4. Camila says:

    When I saw the title of your website, I couldn't help but see what it was about haha.

    I really like your post 🙂 it reminds me of how my boyfriend always jokes that he's going to take me on a date to McDonalds (for Valentine's Day and such). Actually, this year some had a Valentine's Day set-up apparently.. It's funny to think of it as a place for a romantic date 😛

    I can't imagine what it must be like to be eating and have some crazy, half-naked man run past you . And on top of that, leave something behind to be remembered by..

    At least you got a story out of it ! This was definitely one of the most entertaining posts I've read in a while 🙂
    At least you

  5. milu says:

    hahaha…well actually i dont like macdonals hehe, so much kids ,and i dont like that funny man haha , your story is soo funny ^^

  6. Dontravious says:

    LMFAO that was funny bur also not a good experience to eat with it. I hope that wasn't really poop on the floor haha I can't stop lmaoing loma but yeah gross but also funny

  7. stepherz says:

    That has to be the most entertaining blog I have read all day. Why can't interesting things like that ever happen to me? Though… maybe poop isn't the most exciting thing ever. I'd hate to be the worker that has to clean that up…

  8. Jackie says:

    That's HILARIOUS!! Like I would have gotten up and moved but still would have been laughing with that Happy Meal in my hand. Too bad for him though eh?

  9. Greg says:

    That has to be the funniest thing i have ever read in my entire life!!

    I somehow wish i was there, but then again the river of poo has somehow put me off ever venturing into MackieDees again!

    From Greg

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.