I’m not the most religious person in the world, but I know the basics. I know that I should love my neighbors, and I know that I should love my enemies (strangely, these are the same people).
That’s about it. My mother always pressured me to dig deeper into Christianity. She promised it’d scare the hell out of me.
I tried, but it just wasn’t my cup of tea. Now there’s only one occasion in which I encounter the Bible. And no, it’s not church (that’d be too obvious). I’m talking, of course, about vacations.
I don’t get why in God’s name (ha) they put bibles in the drawers of hotel rooms. It’s weird to me. But I’ve been thinking about it, and I’ve come up with two conclusions…
#1. Hotel chains are trying to scare us. They’re trying to guilt us with good morals; figuring we’ll think twice before stealing their crummy towels, soaps, pens, shampoos, sheets, pillows, televisions, beds, windows, or even employees.
But to be honest, it doesn’t work. I’ve snatched a few accessories. Everyone has (it’s in the official travel guidebook that I haven’t written yet). Besides, most people that check into motel rooms are already committed to doing something naughty.
#2. It’s all about the money. Religious organizations are secretly in cahoots with hotels in order to turn a profit. My reasoning is that God doesn’t pay priests until the afterlife, so they must take up a second job selling bibles or running a motel.
No longer will they accept donations in those smelly, straw hats. Get ready, because soon we’ll be checking into hotels like Saint Hyatt and Our Lady of Hilton.
Anyway, regardless of the true motive, the whole thing is still off. It doesn’t seem politically correct. What about the other religious books? Where are the Torahs? or the Qurans? or the official travel guidebooks that I still haven’t written yet?
I suppose there are bigger issues in the world. I mean, for the past century, the United States has been busy trying to solve grand-scale religious conflicts. With separation of church and state and separation of church and school, there’s not really much time left for separation of church and bedside table.