With Doors Wide Open

The world is full of disasters. We’ve got economic turmoil, fuel shortages, poverty, homelessness, and even Adam Lambert. Every time I see a commercial on TV about a poor, struggling child in desperate need of food, I feel obligated to do something; like change the channel.

I’m kidding. Unfortunately, there’s not much my broke, lazy butt can do. I did some research, and I was able to come up with one easy solution that makes the world a better place. It doesn’t make much sense, but it promises to open some doors.

So what is it? Oh, I already told you; opening doors for people. People get ridiculously giddy over such a mundane, effortless act. Yeah it’s a nice gesture and all, but in most scenarios, it’s not really deserving of a “thank you.” All you have to do is not move your arm as you continue to head in the direction that you were already travelling in.

You don’t even have to wait for the person to walk all the way through. As they get about half way, you can let go. Since you still waited for them, you look like a saint. And they’ll still thank you for slamming a door in their face.

It’s an awful lot of hype for something inefficient. Someone who holds a door open might waste 5 seconds while the other person gains only two seconds. If you take the 3 seconds wasted, multiply it by the times people hold doors open, divide that by the average number of seconds in a person’s life; the result is every person on Earth loses a million dollars.

[Trust me. I have a math minor.]

At my college, this gesture has gone too far. It’s evolved from a friendly act to an obligation. Instead of focusing on how nice someone is for propping a door open, people criticize and judge anyone who doesn’t.

Isn’t the point of a gesture to do something extra? Otherwise, it’s not a gesture at all. It’s more like a bitchy secret test to see if someone has manners.

I try my best to do my part, but it doesn’t always turn out well. Sometimes I hold a door open for one person, but get stuck standing there for fifteen minutes letting in an entire circus.

The worse part about my dorm is that I have to walk through three different doors — one to get into the building, one after sliding my id card, and one to enter my hall. On occasion, the same person will hold all three doors for me. I never know how to respond without being awkward.

Am I supposed to thank him three times in a row? It makes sense, but I always get laughed at. I can’t comprehend what’s so funny about “thank you”, “thank you again”, and “Okay, now I owe you a kidney.”

87 Comments Add yours

  1. Isi says:

    Thank you. πŸ˜€ hopefully I can do it. Confidence has never been my thing. It's something i need to have and i'm going to go through great lengths to have confidence.

    Whenever I see those commercials, I always change the channel. I just have this thing where i cannot stand to see people suffering and knowing that i'm too broke to do anything about it just makes everything worse.

    I dont say thank you all time, i say it as often as i can but not always. Sometimes i just smile as a ay of saying thank you.

  2. Tiara Lynn . says:

    I've had some people do that for me. I don't intentionally want them to do it, but they just do. When I stop to say thank you…They walk away without a second look.

    I even opened doors for people aswell. They say thank you and I say ohh no problem. So yeah. haha, I have never honestly had someone opened the door for me in a row.

  3. Rena says:

    thanks a lot!
    happy new year to you too

  4. Anna says:

    Yeah..I see those kind of commercials a lot. I can't do much about it. Hahaha; I remember in 5th grade my teacher was trying to get us in the habit of saying thank you. Every time she passed out paper, you would have to say thank you or she wouldn't give it to you. XD

    You use Cutenews? I can't even tell! How do you hide it so well?! πŸ™‚

    Hahaha…I got 8. That's good enough for me. πŸ˜›

    Very good. How was yours? πŸ˜€

  5. Simone says:

    Well out of all the times I tried no once did I see a zero or the letter o but who cares, I know what I'm doing now.

    I posted the rest of the conversation so feel free to read on XD

  6. Alice says:

    XD Thanks for the comment ^^ Bwahaha, well I guess you can be my emergency best friend xD

    I used to hold doors all the time for people, and I still do. And I used to get all worked up if they didn't say thank you either. But now reading your logic…I was acting like a douchebag, thinking so xD Hmm. It's a norm for my school too to say thank you to people who open doors for you. Maybe I'll try to change that. πŸ˜€

  7. Lexie says:

    This so remindz me of a my first 8th grade junior high year at my new school–(which by the way just ended, go freshmanz!)I know this blog-thingy is kinda’ old, but I had to comment because it brought back memories.
    I’m a shy weird, overly tall chick–so i’m used to my voice sounding like a 5 year old when I talk to strangers. A ‘popular girl’ opened the door for me when we were both late for school, I guess my voice was too hard to hear that she had to say, “What, you can’t say ‘thank you’?” rhetorically. Now, if I had the confidence, I would’ve gave a rude remark, but I’d know it only cause me to my ass kicked-’cause that’z how crazy this school is- and being verbally DESTROYED-that and she walked away already so there was no point. She skipped class to go to my technology class later in the year-which by the way we were only building tiny bridgez which still confuses me why it’z even called ‘tachnology class’ and not ‘wood shop’- and she kept looking at me and every 5 minutez or so saying, “You’re tall.” …and I was sitting down, which makez me think she’s been watching me before or it’z some bitchy payback-this confuses me too, because i don’t really see my self as ‘pretty’ and she could’ve said alot more to make me feel bad, but at the same time, i’d grown some confidence this year so i’d probably start a arguement over it( i’m alwayz up for a debate!)- anywho, i notice not saying thank you to people when they do the littlest thingz is like slapping them in the face.
    btw; you’re really cool guy, and becuase i have nothing to do this summer day, i’m going to read your other blogz~
    -laterz, too tall Alexis (yeah some kid i sat next to started calling me it and kinda’ stuck…)

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