With Doors Wide Open

The world is full of disasters. We’ve got economic turmoil, fuel shortages, poverty, homelessness, and even Adam Lambert. Every time I see a commercial on TV about a poor, struggling child in desperate need of food, I feel obligated to do something; like change the channel.

I’m kidding. Unfortunately, there’s not much my broke, lazy butt can do. I did some research, and I was able to come up with one easy solution that makes the world a better place. It doesn’t make much sense, but it promises to open some doors.

So what is it? Oh, I already told you; opening doors for people. People get ridiculously giddy over such a mundane, effortless act. Yeah it’s a nice gesture and all, but in most scenarios, it’s not really deserving of a “thank you.” All you have to do is not move your arm as you continue to head in the direction that you were already travelling in.

You don’t even have to wait for the person to walk all the way through. As they get about half way, you can let go. Since you still waited for them, you look like a saint. And they’ll still thank you for slamming a door in their face.

It’s an awful lot of hype for something inefficient. Someone who holds a door open might waste 5 seconds while the other person gains only two seconds. If you take the 3 seconds wasted, multiply it by the times people hold doors open, divide that by the average number of seconds in a person’s life; the result is every person on Earth loses a million dollars.

[Trust me. I have a math minor.]

At my college, this gesture has gone too far. It’s evolved from a friendly act to an obligation. Instead of focusing on how nice someone is for propping a door open, people criticize and judge anyone who doesn’t.

Isn’t the point of a gesture to do something extra? Otherwise, it’s not a gesture at all. It’s more like a bitchy secret test to see if someone has manners.

I try my best to do my part, but it doesn’t always turn out well. Sometimes I hold a door open for one person, but get stuck standing there for fifteen minutes letting in an entire circus.

The worse part about my dorm is that I have to walk through three different doors — one to get into the building, one after sliding my id card, and one to enter my hall. On occasion, the same person will hold all three doors for me. I never know how to respond without being awkward.

Am I supposed to thank him three times in a row? It makes sense, but I always get laughed at. I can’t comprehend what’s so funny about “thank you”, “thank you again”, and “Okay, now I owe you a kidney.”

89 Comments Add yours

  1. Christine says:

    Hahaha! I do the same thing and end up saying thank you every time someone opens a door for me even if it's the same person. I'll have to try the kidney line though. I like it!!

  2. Fia says:

    Oh I love your new look. 🙂 Sorry haven't visited this site for quite some time.

    As always your post made me LOL'd.

    Sometimes, people say thank you just for the sake of saying it, without actually meaning it.

  3. Esme says:

    I don't really remember if I ALWAYS hold the door open for people, but I do remember times when I do. I don't really care if I get a thank you or not to be honest :S

  4. Kitty says:

    I don't hold doors for anyone. I let my boyfriend do it. Lol. Seriously though, if you ever catch me doing it, you're lucky.

    Thanks, I guess I am lucky to win the domain. 🙂

    If my love for puzzles earns me the title 'dork', I'd be glad to receive it. At least I'm a dork with a brain.

  5. Quynh says:

    Happy New Years! (: & Thank you, but I don't think I would enjoy being short if I was 😛 .

    I'm one of those people who say thank you only when necessary. I say thank you when a teacher gives me a pass, when a friend gives me back my phone after I thanked him/her for holding it, or whatever. Sometimes I think I thank a little too much. I can't help it, but it's not so annoying.

    I don't really call people who don't hold doors rude, but I would greatly appreciate it because I find it polite.

  6. Dontravious says:

    laughing my only fucking ass off… lol I don't get it lol…my brain hurts from all the math and numbers and logical terms lol

    I've only held the door for one person once in my life time (i think) mostly I order them to hold the door for me….

  7. Thuyy says:

    LOL I always have to say thanks to someone who opens the door for me. It's just something I have to do, or else I'll freak out and worry if they think I was rude because I just walked past. o_o

    HAPPY NEW YEARS AND MERRY CHRISTMASSS.
    I didn't get to say that to you. [:
    Please change my linkk. I moved. 😀

    Oh, btw, LOVE THE NEW LAYOUT. ;D LOVE LOVE LOVE IT.

  8. Pocci says:

    xD Thanks?

    Haha your rants are so interesting! I mostly hold doors for people and they say thanks and it feels good. But, I don't think people are that rude if they don't say thanks. Sometimes they might be in a big rush. 😛

  9. Julia says:

    Haha, really? Thanks for dropping by my site and tagboard. How did you find my cBox?

    Anyways, sorry I won't be leaving such a long comment regarding your post.

    Yeah, saying Thank You has suddenly become an obligation, not a manner. I mean, it's nice to say thanks if someone opens the door for you, but you're right. Not all door-openings deserve thank yous.

    “thank you”, “thank you again”, and “ok, now I owe you a kidney.” Okay, that's a bit funny, no offense, only the kidney part is funny, don't worry. But hey, that is quite nice of you saying thank you 3x. Why do they need to laugh?

  10. Asmiya says:

    I know…I felt terrible as well, but I guess that's how everything goes on.

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