The End is in Sight

I’m freaking out right now. I can barely breathe. With 2010 upon us, there is a major cause for concern.

No, I’m not talking about Doomsday predictions, terrorist attacks, or even global warming. This is worse. So what is it, you ask? Death. Well, at least death to the companies that produce novelty New Year’s glasses.

For the past decade, the two zeros in the middle of the year have given eyewear designers the perfect opportunity to make a “clever” accessory. Anybody who’s anybody had to have one of these at their New Year’s festivities. Or find someone to make out with.

The novelty glasses model was almost thwarted in 2010, but fortunately, production could go on by shifting the glasses to the right. The weight distribution was a tad uneven, but since most people celebrate by getting drunk and falling over, it somehow balanced out.

But now that 2011 is approaching, there’s only one zero. What the hell are they gonna do?

If you’ve ever watched coverage of New Year’s Eve at New York, you’ll notice that these glasses sell like hotcakes. They also save the city a buttload of money; these spectacles keep New Yorkers too distracted to realize that their city is the only one that doesn’t celebrate with expensive fireworks. Instead, for some obviously budget-related reason, they just watch a ball drop (and who really wants to watch puberty?)

The lack of party glasses will cause cities to fail and companies to go bankrupt. Soon, the whole world will be in an (even bigger) economic mess. The Mayans tried to warn us. If I recall correctly, there’s a part in the calendar that read, “That peepee Justin guy will try to tell them. Let him be your leader.”

Maybe we can come up with some alternative 2011 designs before it’s too late.

Hmm. At least the year still has one zero in it. That’s enough to satisfy the cyclops and pirates. But damn… that’s only 40% of the population.

Perhaps we can do what they did in the 18th century? You know, back when everyone wore New Year’s monocles.

Wait. Scrap that. I’ve got the perfect idea. Let’s compromise the witty design but give the glasses a purpose; we could make them sunglasses. And then we could emphasize the whole be-a-hip-celebrity aspect.

[Side note: a celebrity is someone who works hard all his or her life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. Where’s the logic in that?]

Or maybe we could advertise that the glasses provide protection? You know the saying; never hit a man with glasses.

Besides, it makes more sense to hit him with a baseball bat. Zing.

But I digress. The clock is ticking. We’re doomed. Does anyone else have any lens-crafty ideas?

70 Comments Add yours

  1. Usman says:

    you are right,i m tired of terrorist attacks in my country,and there is a lot of global warming and world is gona end soon
    as far as i think

  2. nancy says:

    Haha, not at all. Ronald is the guy to go to for dude advices ;).

  3. Anna says:

    I hate to say it but you're right! What will we do without those glasses?! We're doomed!

    Well, you must go to The Magic Kingdom, and you have to go on Space Mountain, Thunder Mountain Railroad, and Splash Mountain. There are so many other good rides too. Also make your way over to Hollywood Studios and ride Rockin' Roller Coaster and Tower of Terror. So fun!

    I went for my school chorus. We did a 2 and a half hour workshop. 🙂

  4. Kendra says:

    Justin I have blogged again… and it is all thanks to you.

    Again though, I am pissing myself at your blog. You are such a dork, and I love it.

    I was kind of thinking that the 1 in 2010 could act as a nose between the glasses though.

  5. Alex says:

    When I saw those glasses with the 1's in the middle kind of raised to still have the 0's be the lenses, I actually laughed out loud. They are so awful looking. For next year, they will probably make one of the 1's really large and have a lens in it, but still…they need a new novelty for the new year. Like a hat or something. That's an innovative concept 🙂

  6. Ayelen says:

    HAHAHAHA. Hopefully, where I live, these aren't popular.
    Really. I can't imagine those glasses with a 1 in the middle xDD They looked better in 2009.
    This blog made me laugh a lot. LOL

    At least they won't have to think about 2013 glasses. The world will be over 😛

  7. Leanne says:

    So far, alot of things have happened in 2010. D:

    I really don't get why people wear those glasses, they look really weird. I wonder what they're going to do next year. Might be a bit hard though. :/

  8. Pocci says:

    xD I argue a lot but give up knowing that the other person are stubborn and will never change their mind. xP

    LMAO. This blog is hilarious. I have never heard of these glasses before. :S I think I might be living under a rock or something :s Monocles don't sound like a bad idea but 2 and 11 will be weirdly placed. Poor companies. 🙁

  9. Carly says:

    :O You're totally right! What will happen, ho hum. The 2010 ones don't look nearly as cool D: You've actually started to worry me Justin D:

    LOLOLOL! Everyone wants to watch puberty, of course 😉

    Hell ya, we should have listened to the Mayans the whole time 😉

    Thanks for the birthday wishes!

    And of course I knew lol, I have a dirty mind, so I instantly caught on hahaha 😛

  10. jayme ford says:

    they could make the zero one O and the other one a square and the 11 will be both sides 🙂 —-2O–1_1—-

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