Word to your Puppy

Rap music is dead. I used to love it, but the songs that come out these days sound like kittens dying of strangulation. The lyrics are blatantly uninspired, the vocals mimic malfunctioning robots, and the rhymes could be topped by five-year old children.

But none of this trumps the bizarre background noises. To some rappers, a song isn’t a song unless it has at least fifty “yeahs” and “whats.” I swear, I was listening to a rap song the other day, and the “singer” was barking.

This is a problem. Why the hell do rappers bark in their music? It’s so awkward. Do they think they’re dogs?

I wouldn’t be surprised. You never know who might be having an identity crisis with names such as Snoop Doggy Dog and Lil’ Bow Wow.

Come to think of it, there is a strong correlation between dogs and dawgs. They both wear huge chains (for us to walk them). And since they refer to females as bitches, perhaps the barking is part of a mating call.

In my psychology class, I learned that aggressive behavior, such as barking, is motivated by a challenge for social status in a pack. Perhaps these rappers have insecurities and want us to feel sympathy for them.

They probably want to give off the impression that they’re smarter and more talented than they truly are… Or maybe I’m giving them too much credit, and they simply want to look like jackasses.

Some of these gangstas are definitely unstable, but we shouldn’t reward their pathetic yipping and buy their albums. It’s creepy. I feel uneasy knowing that man’s best friend is Lil’ Jon.

Besides, it’s pretty sad when you strive to be a dog. Dogs are stupid. Almost every other animal has more intelligence. Look at cats… There’s no way you could ever trick eight cats to pull a sled through the freezing snow.

Dogs are idiots. If I ever came into your house and started sniffing at your crotch and slobbering all over you, what would you think?

I suppose there are some pros to acting like a dog. Mutts are, potentially, a good influence. They’re sweet, friendly, and super cute. And if it weren’t for dogs, some people might never go for a walk.

In conclusion, I’m not really sure what’s going on between rappers and canines. All I know is that the comparison is appropriate. Like dogs, rappers produce a lot of crap.

59 Comments Add yours

  1. Erin Nicole says:

    First, LMFAO! I love this. I could stop laughing between your banner and everything you said. I agree with ALL of it. Rap is gay, end of story.
    I don't think I have ever heard barking in rap music but if I did that would so make my day, like totally. I'd be laughing at that barking for weeks, maybe even months on end. I'd probably buy that song on iTunes just to laugh every time I listen to it. Okay, I probably wouldn't buy it on iTunes but I'd listen to it every day on youtube so I could laugh at those rappers.

    Second, I love dogs! THEY ARE CUTE! Lol. Those are some good points though. I hate it that my dog sniffs my crotch but I love it when she licks my face. <3 I don't know, I guess I'm weird like that. 😛

    Finally, I love your layout. 'nuff said. 🙂

  2. great blog justin. hope studies are going well for you.

  3. Chynna says:

    just dropped to say… HEYYY 😀

  4. Angelica says:

    ROFL I've never thought of the connection but now that you've pointed it out it seems pretty obvious! I like dogs though. But not the rapper dawgs.

  5. Ria says:

    Lol this post made me laugh, and I agree cats are made of win.

    Site looks great Justin!!

  6. Sindara says:

    Yes, thank godness that I wasn't lying there under a branch unable to breath, and crying out to anyone that walks by just to give me a crazed look. 🙂

    How have you been, my darling?

  7. Chiui says:

    Hahaha OMG Justin. Your blogs never fail to amuse me greatly.

    Yeah you're so right about the connection "between dogs and dawgs". :))

    "recent rappers have produced a lot of crap" AMEN! XDDD

  8. Mimi says:

    Oh god I heard this Ludacris song the other day and I was like, sweet! I love Luda! Then some weird kid started making noises or something, I was like what the fack is this?!?!? It hurt my ears and I switched to 90's rock. 90's is the best anyway. 😛

  9. Kemi says:

    Hijinks and tomfoolery!! Loved it!!

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