Multitasking on the Toilet

I was in the middle of watching “Yo Gabba Gabba”… which isn’t creepy at all… when suddenly I had an urge to go potty. I became furious. Not only must I now abandon my dancing puppet friends, but I was officially going to lose the next 15 minutes of my life.

Bathroom breaks are so annoying. Why can’t the human body be more efficient? Birds poop in like two seconds and it helps them fly. Our bodies are backwards; birds have to poop in order to move, but humans have to move in order to poop.

And to make matters worse, once I finally sat on the seat, I realized I had forgotten my phone. What the hell was I going to do? Sitting all alone with no technology can be, well, lonely.

To prevent death by boredom, I found myself analyzing the shower curtain and playing “spot the pattern” with the floor tiles. I even started reading the back of a shampoo bottle and checking its caloric content. Think about that.

I don’t know what I would have done without that bottle. All bathrooms should have one. I bet that’s why it’s called shamPOO.

Do you ever find yourself doing these same stupid activities when you’re on the toilet? I can’t be alone. I mean, the average person spends close to a year and a half of their life on the crapper, and I doubt anyone spends the entire time sitting perfectly still like some sort of potty zombie.

As a species, it’s like our brains have evolved to develop a coping mechanism; allowing us to find excitement in the dumbest things as soon as our butts hit the seat.

When we’re on the toilet, we’re compelled to do something. ANYTHING. Perhaps going to the bathroom is our cure for procrastination.

To be honest, I’ve found myself blowing my nose, reading a book, checking my email, texting, tweeting, studying for an exam, meditating, and even taking part in a phone interview. I almost got the job until the motion sensor made the toilet flush.

Come to think of it, maybe the human body is efficient after all. Bathroom breaks might seem like a big waste of time, but they can actually be super productive.

After all, where do you think I wrote this article?

54 Comments Add yours

  1. nyuu says:

    I sense that you get a lot of wonderful ideas for your blog posts while you're doing your business lol

    I think the same way. I think it's annoying that the human body needs to dispose of waste… I even ranted about this to my friend and she replied that humans need to dispose of these things to make space. My reply: bollocks! The human body is flawed!

    I dislike needing to use the toilet, it's a waste of my time. I actually cannot even read a book while I'm on it because I find that just sitting there is already very uncomfortable.

    But I guess some people enjoy the "break"

  2. Hey Justin,

    I like your style. Funny and to the point.

    I read the back of my deodorant the other day and found out it's based on precious woods, who'd have known 🙂 lol.

    Cool post,
    Daniel Carton

  3. Deanna says:

    Haha, welcome back. I personally don't take long in the bathroom unless I'm sick. And I can't do anything else while using the washroom or it won't work. My bodys like, "Hey stop doing that and pay attention to the job at hand!"…Anyway, to answer some of your questions from my blog, I nominated you because I was running out of bloggers that I like and you were one that I always enjoyed reading. I eat vegetables to make Winston happy. Also I want to be able to say, "no I don't like that food" with confidence instead of saying "I tried that when I was five and it was yucky." I have found that I do actually like food now that I thought I didn't like because I think most of my not liking food was a mental thing. In my mind I told myself that it looked bad or smelled bad and therefore was bad. I also started eating more foods because when I went over to Winston's house where his parents made supper, they would give me things I've never had or didn't like and I didn't want to be like "I'm not eating that" so I would just eat it anyway. Finally, on the hair topic. I've always loved red hair. I don't know why. But I am too scared to dye it red right now. I live with the mentality that if it's not broken, don't fix it, and right now I like my hair color. But if I no longer like the way my hair looks, aka. when it goes grey, I will be brave enough to dye it a different color. How do your blogs always make me want to post an entire blog post for a comment? haha. Sorry about that.

  4. Hyeoni says:

    Hello there Justin! Nice to meet you. 🙂
    If you spend 10-15 minutes on the toilet…then there is something wrong. It should be like 2-5 minutes. I one time ate only fruits and veggies for a few weeks and ALL of my stool came out in 5 seconds and I was done wiping in a minute. Sorry to be so graphic. Needless to say it was the most satisfying number 2 I ever did in my life. But I reverted back to my original diet and unless I'm constipating…It's usually only 5 minutes max in the bathroom. My brother eats like crap and he STILL manages to come out under a minute…what the heck? Maybe more fruit and veggie fiber and more water for bulky but looose stool so it comes out in a jiffy! 😉

  5. tiff k says:

    HAHAHA LOVELY POST! Oh gosh i love your theory on going to the bathroom as a cure for procrastination. BRILLIANT! hahaha. I actually use my bathroom time for reading XD I especially remember how the bathroom became my comfort zone (coz i don't have my own room) and that's where I read until the wee hours in the morning XD Of course I finished pooping already XD It's just that I liked to stay there and read. Okay LOL XD

    I am linking you back! GREAT NEW DESIGN! 😀

  6. tiff k says:

    OMG ARE YOU BACK TO BLOGGING?? I just noticed that your last post was 2011 XD I just wanted to ask you if the rollercoaster based on Snow White's song is really true… or were you just joking in your comment on my post…. or i'm just gullible… HAHAHA

  7. Cat says:

    haha, I thought this was a funny post 🙂 I have to admit that I start finding patterns on the wall, too, when I have nothing else to do. I usually bring a book or smartphone with me though!

  8. Debbie says:

    I just sit on the toilet & do nothing, except for an occasional song. "Somewhere Over The Rainbow" & the entire score of The Sound Of Music are my favorites!

  9. Muhsin says:

    Oh my god this is so weird. I actually do the same thing too. I read the back of shampoo bottles.. hahahahaha

  10. Matt Harvath says:

    Nice Blog! I will be back often. Love this post. I get so bored in the bathroom!

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