Ba Da Ba Ba Bah, I’m Lovin’ Sh*t
In the mood for a romantic night out, my boyfriend and I headed to the local McDonalds. Yes, I know, it’s not the typical choice for a lovey-dovey evening, what with the screaming kids, greasy food, and that perverted clown who’s lovin’ it. But believe it or not, we had a blast.
Love was in the air, although it did have to compete with the aroma of fries and obese children. Nevertheless, as we dug into our food, we couldn’t help but smile and laugh. We were having a literal happy meal. Not even the Hamburglar could have robbed us of our bliss.
But then, tragedy struck.
Let me paint the scene. We were seated on those uncomfortable bench-table combos. My boyfriend was chatting away about the latest Britney Spears gossip, while I idly scanned the back of my paper placemat, which now disappointingly features nutritional facts instead of fun coloring activities. Not cool.
Suddenly, our date was interrupted by a loud noise from the side entrance. The door swung open dramatically, and in rushed a large, shirtless man with what can only be described as McGriddle-like nipples. He emitted a few grunts as he sprinted past our table, arms flailing like he was possessed by Spongebob SquarePants.
As he made a beeline for the restroom, his heavy footsteps echoed against the linoleum. With each stride, his pants drooped lower and lower, eventually revealing a not-so-attractive view of his gaping ass crack.
Once he disappeared into the bathroom, my boyfriend and I exchanged bewildered glances. At first, we were silent, but it wasn’t long before we burst into uncontrollable laughter. I mean, seriously, what on earth had just happened? Was this real life? Should we be concerned?
Once we regained our composure, my boyfriend quipped, “I wonder if he crapped himself.” I chuckled at his comment and glanced around the room, half-hoping to see others also laughing at the absurdity of it all. However, something else caught my eye first. There was something on the floor beside our table.
Curious, I leaned in for a closer look. At first, I couldn’t quite make it out, but then it hit me. Or, well, at least the smell hit me. I suddenly regretted this entire McDonalds date night. It had turned, well, shitty. Because there, right in front of us, was a small stream of poo making its way toward the restroom.
In horror, I pointed at the offending mess, letting out a whispered shriek. And then, in a high-pitched, valley girl voice, I wailed, “HE DID!!!!!”
Panic mode activated as we jumped out of our seats, dodging the unexpected obstacle course of excrement on the floor. We hurried to the counter, desperately flagging down an employee to report the situation. And you won’t believe her response: “Not again.”
At this McDonalds, she did not put a smile on.
119 Comments
Georgina
Yeah! You saw actual shit. Wait, everyone sees actual shit some time in their lives… your experience was just one to laugh at. HEHEHE.
Poo. Excrement. Faeces.
OMG. My favourite one is FECAL MATTER. Maybe because it was an old Nirvana demo cassette, but LOVE IT. Not fecal matter, but the words fecal matter. LOL
Lee
That's good! Foulness in it's purest form XD
Lee
Stupid fatass ruined your moment! Or did he make it… better? Not with the shit on the floor I suppose, I would've barfed!! FOUL!
Thanks, Georgina's satisfied. Lol.
Shola
EURGH, what the fuck. That's just plain nasty.
I would of cried with laughter and then creid more from the pain of laugher so hard. I can't believe he did that.
Only in america.
And omg, your site has changed a lot recently, you offer so many differennt things now. 😀 Excellenta! How's things?
Joebs
So much for the happy romantic meal.
Did you happen to have smelled anything? ;p
Oh, and about your comment — I wasn't able to enroll myself in one subject that I should be having. But I already went to the office and I'mma re enroll by Monday. So it's all gunna be fixed. 🙂
Janet
Awwn, thanks. 🙂
Balloons are cute? First time I ever heard that one. xD
LOL, so romantic.
But then… EWW. Freaking fat guy, sprinting to mcdonalds to take nice crap. *Shivers @ shit on ground*
Georgina
Haha well you should see how much junk food I buy now @__@
Haha glad it did! LOL. Shit. XD
Nnie
You want me to get punished? *e-slap* but I got the embarrassment, especially my crush was sitting next to me that time and she witnessed my dumbness 🙁
Nnie
There was an awkward silence for a moment but I didn't get what is going on. Everyone was sharing glances, some were glared at me and my best friends were laughing out loud -_- the teacher stared at me deeply and I thought my teacher came after I said that. I didn't get it at all… until when the exam was done, my friends talked to me about that 🙁 Luckily the teacher didn't do anything 😛
Georgina
HUH? My mum did not starve me!!! If anything, she gives me more food than fits in my stomach! :O
Ah, happy meals. I usually only got them for the toy. 😛
LOL……. WTF. Hahahahahahahha.
That is epic scary, and epic lol. I'm so sorry you had to see that shit. Literally. T_T
Nnie
Nothing interesting in my life :S Ugh. My life is boring and sucks like that. But something stupid happened on the Citizenship exam. Well when the teacher went outside the class everyone was sharing their answers. Then the teacher came inside but I didn't notice it. So I asked loudly "GUYS DO YOU KNOW WHAT'S THE ANSWER OF NUMBER 22?" :'( Random I know.
Diamond
Thanks (: Oh… Haha I guess you're into Physics then. A lot? 😉 Well that's what makes the world go round eh? 😛 Thanks so much!! And thanks for the comment! =)
Haha that man sounds scary. Wouldn't want to get in his way again! =/
Nnie
You're using CuteNews? I didn't even realize that!
Nnie
Lol mwahhaah that man sounds like Godzila or something worse
Tiffany
wow. that's like king kong running into maccas but scarier haha.
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