Fashion Trends that Must Return
Let’s face it: fashion trends come and go, but some leave a more lasting impression. Sure, we love to poke fun at the leisure suits and shoulder pads of yesteryear, but take a look around today – are we really any better off? We’ve got crocs, man cleavage, rappers bedazzling their teeth, hipster pants so tight they’re practically contraceptives, and everything in Nicki Minaj’s closet.
I think we’ve been way too hard on the past. Let’s take a moment to appreciate some old fashion trends that weren’t all that bad after all.
1. Hammer Pants
Before you ask, no, they have nothing to do with actual hammers, although wouldn’t it be convenient to dance on someone and claim you “nailed” them? Inspired by harem pants, these ultra-baggy trousers burst onto the scene in the 1980s and ’90s, thanks to none other than rapper MC Hammer. The pants are peg-legged with a colossal billowing crotch that droops below the knees (kind of like my uncle).
Historians speculate that the extra space in these pants served as prime storage for all your ’80s and ’90s essentials: Rubik’s cubes, Game Boys, Nintendo cartridges, Koosh balls, Cabbage Patch Kids, VHS cassettes, and of course, Cyndi Lauper. These pants must make a comeback. With their loose and forgiving fit, they’re the ultimate antidote to body image issues and eating disorders. But most importantly, if you’re ever wearing hammer pants and somebody pushes you out of a plane, you’ll probably land safely.
2. 80’s Windbreaker Jackets
The ’80s are back in style, folks! Take a stroll through the mall, and you’re bound to see plastic sunglasses, neon colors, and hair so big it puts Robin Williams’ arms to shame. But there’s one iconic ’80s trend that’s still missing: the loud, obnoxious windbreaker jacket. Now, some may disagree, but personally, I’m all for anything vibrant—I’ve even contemplated sporting a bright orange traffic cone on my head.
Windbreakers are attention-grabbers, blending bold colors with eye-catching patterns that remind me of graffiti, sans the headache-inducing paint fumes. Ultimately, you can’t go wrong with a jacket whose name is synonymous with farting.
3. Powdered Wigs
Powdered wigs were an integral part of fashion during the 18th century, and their story begins like many others – with syphilis. By 1580, Europe was grappling with what was arguably its worst epidemic ever (besides the Black Death and the codpiece). With symptoms including hair loss, the afflicted populace needed a solution. As baldness swept the nation, citizens derived the only logical solution: harness Robin Williams’ arms. And when that failed, the victims wore wigs.
Initially, these wigs were like the Renaissance version of an ugly Christmas sweater. But when the King of France “did the nasty” and caught the STD himself, well, suddenly, the wigs became a symbol of wisdom. Fast forward to today, and the powdered wig is a relic of the past… coincidentally, so is wisdom. It’s high time we bring these wigs back. Not only are they wigs undeniably cool, but let’s be real, we’d all look like fancy kittens.
4. Fanny Packs
The term “fannypack” has always puzzled me. I mean, why call it a fannypack when it’s worn in the front? Last I checked, “fanny” referred to the posterior. You certainly can’t windbreak out of a fannypack! Maybe we should rename them to something more fitting, like vag bags, junk trunks, or sack sacks…
But despite the confusing name, fannypacks are pretty awesome. They offer a hands-free storage solution for anyone on the go. And think about it, wearing a fannypack may lower your chances of getting robbed. After all, who’s going to steal your iPhone if they have to reach around your private parts? Best of all, wearing a fannypack might make people mistake you for Batman… (now all you need is a nipple suit).
Oh, and if you really want to turn heads, why not wear everything at once? Take notes, Lady Gaga.
57 Comments
Meaghan
Your site's back! What happened to it?
Christine
I 100% support the return of powdered wigs. As a snooty English teacher I feel that my students might take me a little more seriously if I look like the characters that I'm always talking about. Nothing wrong with an image of me wearing a powdered wig, right?
Uglyfish
I have seen two people this week dressed in those pants and jackets! No wigs though, what a shame. I've worn two powdered wigs in my life because they were props for a show and I just couldn't resist….I wouldn't make a habbit of it though, they're very warm.
Fanny means…um…..vagina in England, I always thought people were really rude saying it on shows when I was a kid!
Jared
LOL, these posts, make me smile in the beginning, giggle in the middle, and fall out of my seat and the end.
Alice
Oop, hammer pants! Actually, pop stars in Korea wear them sometimes xD
Justin, what is with you and Robin Williams' gloriously hairy arms?
AHAHA "fanny" actually means "vag" in Britain… I believe… ahaha but in American English it means "butt" so I was confused for the longest time too, lol. Dunno if the fanny pack an American invention, too XD
I WOULD LIKE A POWDERED WIG THOUGH, YES. COME BACK.
The last picture is seriously brilliant.
Lilly
Oh, hammer pants would be so convenient. Maybe they could make them somewhat refrigerated; I could store all my chocolate there D: Isn't MC Hammer a minister now?
I love powered wigs and fanny packs. What do you mean they went out of style? D: lol. I'm loving that graphic though; genius! 😀
I'm so jealous of your layout, by the way! I tried doing a colour-picking option before and it failed 🙁 It's so cool though! 😀
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I actually printed my Gryffindor crest out and taped on it, heheh :p
People say all the time, "oh, I'm sure I'm messier than you," but then they're all shocked at how messy I really am, lol.
Ashleenah
Oh my love, I love Hammer Pants. They are so comfortable! Ha ha. Not sure about bringing back any of those other things though, maybe the fannypacks… But they would definitely have to be redesigned a bit (not such ugly colours). 🙂
Aly
I LOVE fannypacks! ^^ But make sure you never actually say 'fannypack' to someone from Australia because my friend's dad did and they looked at him in pure horror; apparently it means something completely different there xD
My mom made me wear those jackets when I was little…..no joke, I have baby pictures of me in those things x.x
Lisa
You were joking right? LOL
I'm pretty sure you were…because that picture of Robin Williams is hilarious. (I love Robin Williams)
If you were serious…sorry to hurt your feelings, but I don't like them at all! 😡
I like classy and elegance. 🙂
My skins too yellow for neon colors. 🙁
Kathy
Hello! Haha I would so wear a fannypack if it was made to look like batman's utility belt. 😛
Other than pre-cal I am taking Physics, US History, Choir, and Digital Animation. The classes are fairly easy at the moment. I hope it stays that way.
thanks for the late birthday wish! My friends and I can't cook at all. We use cake mix and hope for the best haha.
Sakura
I can send you a sample that I got from my school's career centre if you want. Which email do you want me to send it to you?
Chynna
I could totally see myself rocking out in hammer pants but would have to say no to the powdered wigs.
LOL AT THE PICTURE. I just snorted 🙁 In a real bad way.
Yeaa, DW has gone through several revamps. I've only watched a few of the old episodes because they're really hard to find online especially series 1. But I am determined to watch them!
Definitely learned how small we are compared to the rest of the universe. Like I knew already but the Science Museum definitely put things in perspective. Plus all the things astronauts have to go through just to get into space. Sheesh.
Nyuu
hmm, not a big fan of the items you listed, but the powdered wig would be cool to sport 😀 I wasn't a huge 80s fan in terms of fashion, but I can see why people liked it.
Can you believe it? I've never seen anyone wearing crocs before! At least not in real life!
Cori
Lawyers and judges in British courts still wear powdered wigs. I'm just saying, if it's good enough for those guys it's good enough for Snooki.
Christa
Sad thing is, I have a pattern for those hammer pants. maybe I should start making them again and sell them. Get that one back out there. And I still rock a fanny pack – okay so it's more up to date then the older ones and it's called a hip bag.
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