A Tired Sole: My Stroll into Insanity

Walking is so overrated. There, I said it. If I had my way, I’d rather travel from point A to point B by being catapulted on fire.

Walking makes my legs sore and lethargic. I hate it so much that when it’s time for a stroll, I have to do it super early in the morning before my brain catches on.

If I could sleepwalk on command, I’d be all over that.

I don’t care if walking is good exercise. If it’s so fantastic, why does every mailman I’ve ever seen look like Rosie O’Donnell?

Okay, forgive me for sounding bitter. It’s just that while on vacation, I did so much walking. It got so bad my legs gave out, and I fell into a lamp. Ironically, as I was wrecking the light source, I didn’t feel too bright (I’ll see myself out).

And that’s not the only time walking has made me feel dumb. Have you ever walked into a room and then forgotten why you walked in there in the first place? It happens to me all the time. Between you and me, I think that’s how dogs live their lives.

I suppose walking isn’t always a bad thing. I do like long walks… when they’re taken by people who annoy me.

When we were babies, we had it all figured out – we crawled. Crawling was easier on the legs and burned way more calories. We wiggled around like little coyotes, and well, frankly, we looked like badasses.

Unfortunately, my mom ruined everything for me. She spent the first two years of my life teaching me how to walk and talk. Well, the joke’s on her. She spent the next eighteen telling me to sit down and shut up.

The public school system also pressured me into walking. I remember being taught that before I criticize someone, I should walk a mile in their shoes. That’s pretty good advice. I mean, once you get around to making fun of them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.

I’ll admit there are worse things than walking. At least I’m not jogging. Jogging makes my man-boobs bounce up and down.

I remember reading somewhere that jogging could add years to my life. That’s definitely true. Every time I jog, I feel ten years older.

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49 Comments
Kelly
Nov 26 4:21 pm

lol this made me laugh so much at points. my friend had an odd situation where she was standing next to me and shes… well… lets say well developed at the chest for a 15 year old girl o_o anyway she turns to me and suddenly says: 'when i run i think i jiggle to muhc. do i jiggle to much?' and starts running on the spot as i see a guy near her suddenly staring at her breasts in either lust or confusion or some other reason… o.o ANYWAY (im starting to ramble) love the comment 😀


Jimmy Ng
Jul 26 5:18 am

I walk the walk to healthiness, my daily morning routine walk. It makes me strong and healthy and i get the hang out of it now. The worst thing if you can't walk lest you're lying on the hospital bed. Just a jest. Take care.


Lorrette
Jul 22 9:43 pm

LOL … Yep and as we age when we Jog everything and I mean everything jumps up and down.

The interesting thing is at my friend Dorrie’s age when she is jogging and then suddenly takes sharp turns say to the left, her face and butt cheeks, boobs, hair and absolutely every flabby thing on her body goes to the right!!! Odd site, very odd site to see.

Anyhow great blog … luv it! This comes from me …someone who has her very own humor ‘playpen’ as well ….

Celebrate Life … Laugh Til It Kills Ya!
Lorrette


Spot
Jul 18 3:49 am

I FORCE myself to walk because nowadays I'm stuffing my face with food out of boredom. Walking is the only thing that'll keep from rolling out of the house in the future.


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