Category: News Headlines

2020 Vision: The End is in Sight

I’m freaking out right now. I barely catch my breath. With 2010 upon us, there’s a crisis on our hands. No, I’m not talking about Doomsday predictions, a zombie apocalypse, or even running out of toilet paper. This is far more terrifying. Brace yourself. We’re facing the extinction of novelty New Year’s glasses. For a solid decade, the two zeros in the middle of the year were a godsend for eyewear designers. They could whip [...]

A Grimm Reminder: Tales from the Crib

I often stumble upon news articles lamenting that children witness too much violence on TV. I’m not here to argue whether that’s true or not, but I do think the authors of those articles are hypocrites. I mean, children have always been exposed to traumatizing amounts of violence. Why start caring now? Exhibit A: “Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop, When the wind blows, the cradle will rock, When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall, [...]

What a Load of Hogwash

I’ve always dreamed of attending a pig-catching competition. Imagine the hilarity of watching idiots struggle to chase oily, muddy piglets around a pen for cash prizes. Sign me up! After an unproductive day of binge-watching clips, it’s clear that catching pigs is nearly impossible. So, that being said, why the hell is it so easy to catch Swine Flu? Fear of the H1N1 virus is spreading like wildfire across the United States, and according to [...]

Bomb Voyage! This Story Is Explosive!

Let’s embark on a little thought experiment, shall we? Imagine it’s a serene Saturday morning. You rise from your bed, still a little groggy, but since you got to sleep in, you’re generally feeling refreshed and fantastic. You slip on your trusty Hello Kitty slippers, swallow your pride, and exit the bedroom. You make your way to the kitchen for breakfast, humming an annoyingly catchy tune. Grabbing a box of cereal, you sing to yourself, [...]
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