Category: Wordplay

I Pronounce You Hand and Wife

I rocked the mic at a wedding recently, and guess what? They even paid me! Now, don’t get me wrong; it’s super cool that I’m on my way to stardom and all, but I’ve got this nagging feeling that maybe I wasn’t up to snuff. Singing at a wedding is a huge responsibility. I mean, what if I hit a sour note and tanked their marriage before it had a proper chance to start? Picture [...]

Short on Patience, Long on Words

What is with our passion for abbreviations? And while we’re at it, why is “abbreviations” such a long word? I firmly believe in spelling out words entirely. Chatspeak is a last resort for me, reserved for those who don’t deserve the effort. For example, if I were typing a breakup email (yes, I’m an awful person), it might read something like this… Sup Ex, Yes, u hurd me… U r my ex now. We r [...]

Congrats! Your Hurricane is a Boy!

Why on earth do Hurricanes have names? I can understand giving names to planets, household pets, and maybe even male genitalia, but it makes no sense to give names to tropical storms. Isn’t it a tad distasteful to be on a first-name basis with an evil whirlwind of doom? I mean, we don’t give names to tornadoes, snowstorms, earthquakes, blizzards, or any other natural disaster… So why not just say there’s a hurricane coming? That’d [...]

The Early Bird gets the Worm

They say the early bird gets the worm. I don’t know who they are, but in my humble opinion, they should mind their own business. I mean, who started this stupid rumor? Was it the birds? Is this some sort of avian conspiracy? If so, I hope they all catch a case of the bird flu. I call BS on this whole “early bird” theory. It implies that people who wake up early, or accomplish [...]
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