Elvis Hasn’t Left the Building
Elvis Presley: the man, the myth, the legend. He rocked the 20th century with his powerhouse voice and magnetic stage presence, catapulting from humble beginnings to become the face of a rock and roll revolution. But amidst his meteoric rise to fame, there’s one thing that keeps tongues wagging even today: his mysterious death. Some folks swear he’s still out there, wandering the highways and byways of life, making cameo appearances in the most unexpected places. Well if true, this certainly puts those bath salt zombie sightings to shame.
Yeah, people claim they’ve spotted him in grocery stores, gas stations, and even a Wendy’s parking lot…
Enter the realm of conspiracy theories, where my mom reigns as queen. No, she hasn’t had a personal run-in with the King (though, who knows, maybe a few more Frostys could change that). But she’s convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Elvis lives on. In fact, she even “knows” his new identity: a Bible thumper from Oklahoma named Jon Cotner.
And she’s not alone in her convictions. The internet buzzes with speculation, fueled by eerie coincidences that blur the line between fact and fantasy. Jon Cotner and Elvis share the same birthday, same singing voice, same facial structure, and Cotner was even sighted chillin’ with Lisa Marie Presley.
But alas, scientific evidence remains as elusive as ever. No smoking gun, no definitive proof. If Elvis did indeed pull off the ultimate disappearing act, who’s to say he didn’t morph into someone else entirely? I mean, with his wavy hair, designer shades, and white sequined jumpsuits, all signs point to Lady Gaga.
Besides, sporting a tummy and a thick white beard, Jon Cotner looks more like Santa Claus than Elvis. Therefore, if we’re going to assume Jon Cotner is Elvis, by the transitive property, we must also conclude that Elvis became Santa. It makes just as much sense.
Perhaps Elvis was assigned to be Santa (kind of like jury duty), so he gained a bunch of weight and faked his death. Maybe he decided it was time to spread cheer instead of rock and roll. It would explain his Christmas albums… and hey, those Elvis impersonators in Vegas? They’re just his merry band of elves.
Hell, why stop at Santa? According to my top-secret, ultra-blurry photo collection, Elvis isn’t just Santa. Oh no, he’s also the Loch Ness Monster, too. Yeah he only sang about hound dogs because “You Ain’t Nothin’ but a Sea Creature” just wasn’t as catchy.
He’s also the mastermind behind Stonehenge. Don’t you see? It’s the infamous “Jailhouse Rock.” After all, he is the King of Rock and roll…
Heck, he’s even Bigfoot. Did you know his blue suede shoes are a size 30?
How far are we willing to go with these goofy conspiracy theories? I could keep spinning wild tale after tale, but honestly, my brain’s doing somersaults just trying to keep up. I’m confused. I’m bewildered. I’m all shook up.
43 Comments
Ian Harrison
Totally agree with mom,u just av to look at Elvis and cotner together they have exactly the same mark or indentation above the left eyebrow ,game set and match
Mom
Hi. Just wanted to say that since this blog was originally written, there has been a lot of Jon Cotner activity & speculation on the internet. It appears that Elvis truly has NOT left the building….lol. I am more convinced, than ever, that Jon Cotner is is one and only King. The reasons are many, so I'm not going to list them all, but this even makes Elvis even cooler, in my book. He pulled it off & when he wanted to come back out, he did it mysteriously, just like he did everything else. I love Elvis/Jon Cotner. No, I am not nuts….just observant.
Jean
If Elvis is alive to come out of wood work and prove it to us. Or take me to him.
Jenny
i too wanted to believe that Elvis Presley and Jon Cotner were the same but they are not. Tell your mum that Elvis had large (long floppy) ear lobes and Jon Cotner has shorter neat ear lobes. It is physically impossible for ear lobes to get shorter with age. Also, Elvis and Jon have totally different skin complexions…Elvis had skin that would tan in the sun but Jon's fair skin just goes red. Elvis never had a ruddy complexion. I am guessing that Jon would have had reddish hair before he went grey.
JHEN
I'm not very familiar with him xD i guess I'm not that updated at all o.O tehee. though, Those images kinda annoy me and make me laugh xD hahaha :))
Holly
I've not seen Elvis but I have seen people that I am sure are suppose to be dead. Okay I sound crazy now…
According to the True Blood books, Elvis is a vampire, but he hasn't converted properly and he's a little bit slow.
Nyuu
It's NOT impossible, but I think he's pretty much dead for a long time now. (lol unless he's really Lady Gaga, then that is pretty cool, too). It would be so much easier if he was the answer to everything mysterious about our world, though haha
Jhase
Elvis lives in my gym. I'm sure of it. One day, I will expose him for the hidden creature he is! He will then provide me with this fountain of youth for living in hiding so long! THE MYSTERY WILL BE MINE!
Or we'll just share some coke and lime, while he serenades me. One or the other, I'm fine with either.
Nancy
I have had an "Elvis signting" recently. I saw him doing pullups at X Fest where the X Games took place last month. I have a picture of him somewhere in my twitter media archives!
With the internet being all powerful these days, these speculations about Elvis still being around is just as crazy as the conspiracists. With all of these ideas about Elvis still here, is it up to us to believe what really goes down?
At the very most, I'm more convinced that Elvis is a member of the us navy. I mean, he did do 15 pullups without a problem. (1 is a challenge for me. Go band kids!)
Uglyfish
I personally have seen the Loch Ness Monster and can confirm that it really is Elvis. My Dad denied it, but I think he might be involved in the cover up.
You're very brave giving this information to the public….
Thuyy
… huh? …NAHHH. That's not possible. Elvis is dead, I read it in my history textbook. lol LEAVE HIM ALONE!! D:
Goodness, Justin, those pictures are… very… well-photoshopped. lol
Christa
Most of those who say he's still alive, I think are just trying to hold onto a part of their youth – I say that because most of those who run with the thought he's still alive are ones who grew up listening to him. Which is cool, think whatever you want, but it's not newsworthy…I mean some days I see look-a-likes but it's not the top story on the 5:00 news. Yes…I'm not an Elvis fan at all.
Sakura
Yeah, it was amazing. I managed to buy lots of things that I wanted and took lots of photos. Unfortunately, it was an extremely tiring trip as we have to rush around.
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