The marketing industry has its fair share of deception and bullshit. From “Do-Nothing” infomercials to self-proclaimed “Gurus,” it seems like everyone’s out to beat you up and take your lunch money.

Well personally, I think it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. If people are begging you for cash, they clearly don’t know how to get rich fast.

And let’s not kid ourselves about those supposed free iPhones. If time equals money, then spending 50 billion hours on online surveys ain’t exactly free.

Sure, I’ll concede that there’s an ounce of truth in advertising. Hell, pharmaceutical commercials are too honest. I mean, have you ever seen those commercials? One minute you’re watching a cheerful montage of newfound vitality, and the next you’re bombarded with a laundry list of potential side effects…

“RELAXOFT may cause nosebleeds, baldness, memory loss, swollen ankles, facial boils, excessive earwax, uncontrollable cursing, an urge to play in the mud, road-rage, snoring while awake, perjury, atheism, and a compulsion to spit at small pets.”

Well, isn’t that lovely? Next time, I think I’ll just tough out the headache.

All of these side-effects lead to bigger questions. Like, if I’m feeling under the weather and my partner offers me medicine, should I fight him? Should I slap it out of his hand? After all, the medicine might have caused the sickness in the first place.

And while pharmaceutical ads get points for partial honesty, they’re not entirely off the hook. In many other ways, they’re just as confusing and misleading. For example, they often feature scenes unrelated to the product.

Vagisil commercials have cheerleaders performing routines. Male enhancement commercials have politicians playing golf. Every herpes commercials can be summed up as: “I have herpes.” “I don’t.” “Let’s ride bicycles.”

Ultimately, when it comes to medication, I don’t pay much attention to the advertisements. It’s best to let the doctors decide what’s right for me. They usually know what they’re talking about. Well, emphasis on usually. I once had a doctor whose office plants were always dead. I couldn’t help but wonder if I could trust him with my life.