Around the globe, scientists are hard at work; discovering more and more about the world around us. From peering into the cosmos to unraveling the secrets of our DNA, they’re making waves in fields like astronomy, genetics, and medicine. But unfortunately, amidst all these groundbreaking discoveries, I can’t help but notice that science is slowly destroying my childhood memories. Below is a list of cases where it has given my adolescence the middle finger.   [...]

As a kid, I did some really weird shit… For starters, I had this thing with dolls. But instead of tea parties, I preferred to tie yarn around their necks, hang them over the staircase, and put on a “puppet show.” Needless to say, my mom thought I was spiraling down a path of lynching and murder. Then there were my Mortal Kombat moments. Picture this: the lights go out, everyone in the family is [...]

Oh, that’s gay. That’s sooo gay. That’s like, totes uber gay. Ugh. If I had a nickel for every time I heard that awful phrase… uber. Okay, obviously I’m joking. My real gripe is with the word “gay” – a word that represents me – being used to express dislike and hate. I hear so many things called gay: homework, exams, traffic… One time, I even heard a girl say, “My mom and dad are [...]

I was in the middle of watching “Yo Gabba Gabba” – totally normal for an adult, right? – when suddenly, nature called. Furious, I stomped off to the bathroom, begrudgingly abandoning my dancing puppet pals and lamenting the next 15 minutes I’d never get back. Bathroom breaks are the worst. Why can’t our bodies be more efficient? Birds can poop in two seconds, and it even helps them fly! Human bodies are backwards; birds have [...]