Two years ago, I woke up in my dorm to find my roommate and several of his friends hovering over my bed, grinning like they’d just pulled off the ultimate prank. Naturally, I thought they’d sharpied a dingdong on my face. But no, they were just laughing at the strange noises I was making. Apparently, I moan in my sleep. Now, to my knowledge, these aren’t sexual moans (and if they are, why the hell [...]

The cellphone has been saving us from awkward situations since 1973. Picture this: you’re stumbling back to your dorm after one of those wild, rom-com-worthy parties where every decision was a bad decision. Mid-stumble, you spot Ted—the creepy guy from the party who, in your drunken haze, seemed kiss-worthy. Now, he looks more like a disaster, and for some inexplicable reason, he smells like kitten poop. Why? Just because. Enter the cellphone, your savior. With [...]

I’ve come to a rather unconventional conclusion: every New Year’s tradition was concocted by a lunatic. Seriously, people do some truly bizarre shit when they celebrate. For example, here in America, we guzzle down drinks, swap spit, set off explosives in the sky, and create a racket with pots and pans. Perhaps worst of all, we watch a ball drop (which, let’s face it, sounds a lot like watching puberty). But wait, it gets weirder. [...]

About a year ago, my boyfriend surprised me with a really neat Spider-Man watch. Sure, it was clearly designed for a 10-year-old, but I couldn’t have cared less. I adored that watch. It became my trusty sidekick, accompanying me everywhere. Until, that is, the tragic day it got tangled up with my laundry, and, well, let’s just say Spidey met his match with Dr. Spin Cycle. Since then, I’ve been living a watch-less existence. And [...]