Shred Pounds with CHAINSAW

Millions of people around the world are bummed out by their bodies. Desperate to drop a few pounds, they end up doing more harm than good with fad diets and pricey surgeries. They care so much about how they look on the outside that they’re perfectly willing to wreak havoc on their insides.

If you’re one of these folks, then boy, do I have the product for you!

Ever dream of rocking that new bathing suit at the beach with confidence? Want to squeeze into a size four for your sister’s no-fatties-allowed wedding? Dying to enjoy amusement park rides from inside the cars?

Worry no more! Weight loss is now instant and requires little to no effort. The newest diet revolution is here. Introducing: CHAINSAW.

With CHAINSAW, all your weight woes are history. Unlike other weight loss programs, the CHAINSAW method is a breeze and doesnโ€™t demand months of dedication. Youย will shed pounds in mere seconds!

After signing up for CHAINSAW, you’ll receive a package in the mail within 2-5 business days. Once it arrives, take CHAINSAW out of the box and fire it up. Hit the ON button, and simply apply CHAINSAW to any limb of your choosing (warning: this part may get messy).

Once you’ve completed these simple steps, head to the nearest scale. Take your time and watch your stepโ€”those red puddles of “excess pounds” can be slippery. Remember, safety always comes first with CHAINSAW!

While weighing yourself, you should notice an instant difference. Heck, if you stand on the scale long enough, you might even see the pounds drop before your very eyes!

The average limb weighs 10-25 pounds, and CHAINSAW uses a patented scientific whatchamajigger to whittle that weight down to practically nothing.

So what’s the catch? How much does this miracle product cost? Well, sign up now and you’ll get the best deal in town. Most people are willing to give an arm and a leg for their dream body, and with CHAINSAW, that’s all we’re asking for!

Call now! Cut off your food addiction. Shred that unwanted body fat. Sever your ties with depression.

CHAINSAW also doubles as a toothbrush.

Leave Comment

Jan 17 12:45 pm

Wow that's an incredibly sadistic look at losing weight. I actually awkwardly shifted in my chair while reading it.

Jan 17 12:43 pm

Lmao nah. Alcohol just makes me sleepy XD I have a vitamin b12 deficiency, and that makes me tired quite a lot, dunno why!

Jan 17 12:39 pm

haha no. its just a lot of the "cool" people at my school are whores.

and Ive actually never been kissed xD

Billie Jean
Jan 17 12:06 pm

LMFAO, That's hilarious.
I'll have to get one of those

Jan 17 8:26 am

HAH HAH ha.. yeah.
well i used to fountain the bath tub water when i was younger, that includes having it in your mouth and then spitting it out :$

Jan 17 8:14 am

Hmmm, I got a C in Business because I really did not bother study for it at all! haha
I hate it. I am sooo lazy when it comes to studying ๐Ÿ˜€

Jan 17 7:41 am

oo, a paper? sounds interesing ๐Ÿ˜› whats it about?
i'm on bebo, talking to my friends and listening to music.

Jan 17 6:46 am

I'm pretty good, just a bit tired ๐Ÿ˜› how about you?

LOL i feel sorry for the person who uses 'chainsaw' xD

Jan 17 5:36 am

Hmmm… classfied!! I am pretty sure that you are doing good ๐Ÿ˜€
The C's were: Business and Chamistry. I so hate these two subjects lols haha!

Jan 17 2:54 am

eh nothing really. I totally sucked at the volleyball game today -_- Coach benched me for the next first period. Ugugug. And I dived and cut my knee on one of the sticky up floor boards ๐Ÿ™ I've had a very suckish day.


Jan 17 1:27 am

wow I'm so going to look for that!
thanks =]

Jan 17 12:42 am

ha, thanks for the suggestions ^^. I pretty much like them in that order, too, but its LOVE, 3 Days of Peace, Beatles, then Elephant.
No one can beat the Beatles, yo.
yet, I can't decide. By looking at my comments, all of them add up to be about equal for well..votes i guess you couldsay. So yeah, I'm still pretty stuck

Jan 16 11:51 pm

Aw .
what's up?

Jan 16 10:36 pm

But how would the person cut off his second arm? Hmm… maybe a leg… a leg is probably double the arm weight! Weight Loss Solutions: Will cost you an arm and a leg! XD

Jan 16 8:31 pm

lmao, my first time to your site, and all I was thinking was why the hell is this person blogging about a weight loss program, I wasnt even going to read it until i read at the bottom, CHAINSAW also doubles as a toothbrush, so i thought i'd read the rest, and it cracked me up ๐Ÿ˜€ good job.

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