Candlelight Dinners are for Ugly People
You eat steak at a steak dinner. You eat turkey at a turkey dinner. So what the heck do you eat at a candlelight dinner?
If you haven’t noticed, I have deep disdain for candlelight dinners. They’re stupid, and consequently, now they’re on my list of “things that make you go derp,” alongside Dancing Santas, fannypacks, and anything that spews out of Donald Trump’s face-hole.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m normally all about romance. In fact, I might be the most romantic person on the planet. My dream date? A walk on the beach where the water is 90% chocolate, 10% strawberries, and 10% roses. Oh, and 40% unicorns. There will be no math on this date.
But I draw the line at candlelight dinners. Candlelight dinners were created by ugly people. Think about it. The only reason they’re so “romantic” is because you can’t see the person sitting across from you.
The whole concept is offensive. If someone invites me to a candlelight dinner, I’ll immediately assume I’m hideous. It’s like, “Hey honey. We’re eating in the dark, because your face looks like a rabid baboon’s butt cheek.”
And while we’re at it, why are candles even a thing? Do people still rely on them? Candlelight isn’t practical anymore. Eons have passed since the invention of candles. We have lightbulbs now, and frankly, they’re a much brighter idea.
Yeah, candles are not efficient at enhancing our vision. If we must use them, let’s use them to enhance a better-suited sense, like our sense of smell. I’ll totally concede that candles are great for that.
Wait. Hold up. Candles are used to mask bad odors. Wow. This is more offensive than I realized. Every time I’m invited to a candlelight dinner, I must not only be fugly, but I must also smell like cat piss.
Well, damn, I’m embarrassed. Is it my cologne? Do I sweat too much? Perhaps I should try that new Britney Spears perfume. What was it called again… Believe? Fantasy? Trailer Park Mystery?
Getting back to the point, candlelight dinners are bad news. They’re insulting, impractical, and even a safety hazard. They are literally dangerous. I mean, what if, say, because there’s no real light in the room, my partner accidentally knocks over a candle? Well golly, nothing says “I love you” like a trip to the ER with a face full of fire.
If my boyfriend burned his face off, there’d only be one way I could look at him… we’d be having candlelight dinners for eternity.
135 Comments
Kay
oh my. lmpo.
really, whenever I need a good laugh, I think I'll just come to your site. *laughs*
Aww but don't think about it that a way 😛 I mean, candlelight dinners are like barbecuing, we humans like to be all medieval like 😀 reminds us of when we didn't have electricity XD And I still think if the guy would go to the effort of actually buying candles and setting everything up for me, it means he cares. Not, "Oh honey lemme just turn on the lights!"
If a medieval guy went to his lady and told her "oh honey, I've discovered electricity for you!"
Same thing 😀 it's cute! And I'm just a hopeless romantic 😛
hm.. really? my calendar doesn't look funky or anything? Maybe it's just me…
Chrys
Well I partly agreed with you 🙂
Yeah, I am spending time with my friend but we'll be spending the time not at my house but at some unknown location… We haven't decided yet XD
I agree with you on your romance idea 100%. Most of the time the big things just make me feel awkward because I'm not doing any of those things for the other person, but the little gestures, those are sweet 😀
Viki
ahha only for you, oh big foot 😛
nice pun attempt (y)
nope not at all, i was kinda disappointed to hear it was only fog because the missing pilot of the plane problem way more epic than fog 🙂
Yes, best for last, i believe we simply say it was forgotten. <.< >.>
Gillian
:O omg wow rude little kid.
there should be a rule saying dont touch the walrus 🙂
i haventbeen up to much just downloading music msn .. facebook and such xD How about you ?
Ben
Pokemon rpg site? What is it, maybe I will start going on it~~
Your welcome – I am so glad you thought it was good. I hope you're not lying 0_0
HANDS OF THE DUCK. SHE'S MINE!
Jhase
Since I didn't know you were single?
Shellz
I've never had a candlelight dinner, good point though. XD
I read your last blog as well, and yes, holding your pee is bad, but I'd rather not piss myself, lmao! Well, maybe if someone was drunk (not that I drink), but yeah, lol.
Congrats on the new site as well. 😉
Alya
That would be sooo cool! Make sure that you will tell me as sooon as it opens 😀
My new site URL is: http://www.fiorucci-passion.co.nr
I did not tell anybody about this only you so you gotta keep it a secret!!! lol hahahaha HUSHHHHH
It will be a site for graphics of anime *japenese cartoon* and celebrity graphics *korean and japenese/taiwanese… asian!!*
That's all to it. It will be owned by me and my friend Meera… What do you think??
Rachel
Haha not /exactly/ that 😛 and gosh, I am not! lol (I was so confused for a minute because I forgot what I had last said)
Alya
Hey. lol hahahaha… an outlaw!!
I am fine thanks, how are you?
And how was your day?
I am not up to anything yet! What a boring life I've got! lol
I am just trying to do a new layout and to rush the opening of my new site… what about you?? what are you up to?
Jhase
And some guy hasn't snatched you up, yet why? It's blasphemy I say!
Mario
Ha, I don't think I've ever had a candlelight dinner. I don't think I'd mind it, but it depends on the amount of candles present. 😛
Your site name is amazing, I love it. xD
Viki
hahah!
OH NO YOU DIDNT
fanny packs, i used to have one of those when I was younger, with one of the 101 dalmations on it 😛
lol, face like a deformed baboons ass,
ahha, this is really amusing to read 😛
meh im not really sure what to think about candle light dinnersm just sounds kind of cheesy 😛
Vicky
Aww thankyou 🙂
Haha, yeah it is really addictive :/
Ben
I will show you the unfinished version:
latchmered.org/k.png
GO GO~ A lot has been added since then mind you!
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