Science Destroyed My Childhood
Around the globe, scientists are hard at work; discovering more and more about the world around us. From peering into the cosmos to unraveling the secrets of our DNA, they’re making waves in fields like astronomy, genetics, and medicine. But unfortunately, amidst all these groundbreaking discoveries, I can’t help but notice that science is slowly destroying my childhood memories. Below is a list of cases where it has given my adolescence the middle finger.
1. Pluto Is Not A Planet
In 2006, Pluto famously got the cosmic boot from the International Astronomical Union, stripped of its planetary title because it didn’t “dominate the neighborhood” around its orbit. With its comet-like appearance, it was officially demoted to “dwarf planet.” Uh, excuse me? How is a dwarf planet not a planet? I mean, cell phones are still phones. Seriously, I’ve got a bone to pick with the IAU: next time you touch one of my planets, I’m gonna kick Uranus.
Back in elementary school, my teacher taught me this awesome mnemonic device: “my very educated mother just served us nine pizzas.” It was the perfect way to remember the order of the planets. But now, thanks to Pluto’s demotion, my mnemonic masterpiece is in shambles. Now I have: “my very educated mother just served us… nachos? noodles? NOTHING?” I love my mom, but she can’t be very educated if she thinks she can rip me off like that.
2. The Brontosaurus Never Existed
Back in my childhood days, I was all about collecting dinosaur figurines. Oh man, I cherished them! I’d spend hours concocting wild scenarios where my dino buddies clawed, roared, and even tap danced their way through epic battles. I loved to pit my favorite dinosaur, the Triceratops, against the evil Mr. Brontosaurus. Unfortunately, this memory is ruined, because the Brontosaurus is as real as the Tooth Fairy.
Yeah, you heard that right. Apparently, long ago, some dude stumbled upon the bones of a dinosaur and named it the Apatosaurus. Shortly after, another guy found similar bones and slapped the label “Brontosaurus” on them. Lo and behold, they were the same species and the second guy was an idiot. Apatosaurus took precedence, erasing Brontosaurus from existence and completely ruining the “Land Before Time” series. Well damn, at least my Triceratops is still holding strong. Oh shit.
3. Forget About Starfish
Starfish are very marketable to children. They pop up in many children’s books, cartoons, and toys. Perhaps it’s because of their name; I mean, you’ve got a basic shape and a basic animal combining to make a badass creature. The name is utter brilliance. Unfortunately, marine biologists think otherwise. Since starfish technically aren’t fish, they’ve been redubbed “seastars.”
Setting aside the fact that “seastars” aren’t great burning orbs of gas light-years away, or that many of them don’t live in the sea, I think this raises an interesting question: what about all the other confusing animal names? Killer whales? They should be called dolphins! Dragonflies? More like dragon-lies! And sand dollars? Let’s call them what they really are: “not-real-currency.”
And while we’re at it, we should drop all those weird scientific names. The scientific name for a seastar is asteroidea. Hell, that’s a better name for Pluto.
52 Comments
Jessica
Gah, we learn so much when we're little, only to have time take it all away! Science is too good for its own good, constantly evolving, figuring things out, changing things. I much preferred it when Pluto WAS a planet. I mean, what, exactly, made them believe it was a planet to begin with? It's always been the exact same adorable little ball of whatever. IT COULD STILL BE A PLANET!!!
Meaghan
Well, at least you return comments! If I didn't blog for a while, I would lose interest in returning comments. People would still think I was inactive, even if I added new stuff to my site.
Thanks! 🙂 Purple's my favorite too. My hair's purple!
Happy 4th of July to you too! 🙂 DID YOU DO FIREWORKS?
Erica
Science is great at making us all feel like everything we ever learned in school wasn't worth the time, huh?
Deanna
Nice blog post. You are very smart! I didn't know half of the things you just blogged about. Now I feel like I have to go back to school.
Nyuu
I'm all for Science! 🙂 But I do agree with the issue with Pluto. Pluto will ALWAYS be a planet in my heart, I don't care what they say! Pluto is a planet!!!
This post made me miss my childhood cartoon shows =(
Cat
haha, that's a good list! I definitely remember all those things from my childhood. It's sad that they've changed. I remember I was in disbelief when I heard that Pluto was no longer a planet.
I still call them starfish. I mean, does it really matter if the name is misleading? There are a lot of stuff like that! Seastars just sounds silly =/
Meaghan
But… it'll take forever for me to pay it off! I bet my grandkids will have to help me once I'm gone. 🙁
I MISS YOU TOOOOOOOO! 🙂 We need to talk more. On Twitter or something. Or here. Or Skype, I added you on there. But I rarely go on lol.
LOL, I didn't care that Pluto was demoted to a dwarf planet. I didn't care much for it… & I never learned that mnemonic.
WAIT WHAT. That dinosaur's not real? I haven't heard of this yet… are you just tricking me?
I've never seen Land Before Time. 😛
Again, I think you're tricking me with this "seastar" stuff. I will forever call it starfish, no matter what those evil scientists say.
SCIENTISTS ARE LAME. 'Nuff said.
Except for the ones that are finding the cure to cancer & such.
Krystal
Such sad changes scientists do. 😛 I didn't know about the last one though. I don't think I'll ever get used to calling starfish a "seastar." It sounds very odd, haha.
Regarding your comment, I was just solely focusing on young boys such as those bullies from the video for that specific entry even though I know anyone of any kind of gender engage in bullying activities.
THuyy
WTFFF LITTLE FOOT NEVER EXISTED?!?!?!
I mean, I remember when it first came out that Pluto wasn't a planet anymore, that was big news and it crushed my elementary child heart, but the last two I've NEVER heard of. And I can't believe it.
I have probably seen all the Land Before Time movies over 10 times each and learning this has just…ugh.
And hell, they better not try and say that Cera the triceratops from LBT wasn't real either. God dammit scientists!
oh hey, btw I'm back! (: Remember mee?
Jenny
You'd think that scientists would have better things to do with their time than demoting planets, but apparently not -__- I had no idea about the starfish & brontosaurus thing though. Seastar? Really? smh
Holly
Science ruins everything, and this is coming from a future scientist haha!!
I hate how scientists keep telling us that we can't eat certain foods because it will ultimately lead to our deaths. Who cares, I like food too much!!
Debbie/Mom
Too funny! Haha. My childhood memories are all bogus too….basically everything that I was taught is wrong: Red meat is not good for you, smoking cigarettes is not a harmless pass time, and Richard Nixon was not a great man! So….I feel ya. The dinosaur thing is sad.
Rachel H
Pluto will always be a planet to me….
Always so funny Justin. Love you!
Justin
lmfaoo justin you think of the weirdest things ever to blog about, but i always love reading your blogs.. :-] you're brilliant!
Liza
This is me attempting to be first commenter, but I highly doubt it'll happen. I only just commented your blog a few hours ago… Geez, dude.
"I've got a message for the IAU: next time you touch one of my planets, I'm gonna kick Uranus." NICE. 😀 I don't remember what the new mnemonic is that teachers are teaching kids these days for the planets. :L On Tumblr there's a picture of a placemat showing the solar system. Pluto… is there… Pluto is… crying. Literally; there are literally blue tears coming from Pluto's eyes. 🙁 I wish I could find it again.
WHAT THE HELL. I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST PLUTO THEY MESSED WITH. OH. MY. GOSH. NONONO. SCREW SCIENCE, THIS IS WHY I HATE IT. THEY CANNOT TAKE AWAY MY FREAKING DINOSAURS. THE END.
CORRECTION. THEY CANNOT TAKE AWAY ANYTHING ELSE IN MY CHILDHOOD, DAMMIT. OHMYGOSH.
I think these scientists who are declaring this are just pissed off because they didn't find said dinosaurs first/want to be popular or whatever the hell it is, and they are creating these stupid analyses, and it's ruining everything. I mean, seriously. I give up. I still will call Pluto a planet. I will still believe all my dinos from childhood are REAL, and I will still keep my sea creatures' names as I fuh-reaking learned them, dear Science. THANKYOUVERYMUCH.
…And doesn't "asteroidea" sound more like a space term? Ugh, people are getting stupider by the second.
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