A Rant of Biblical Proportions

I’m not the most religious person in the world, but I grasp the basics. Love thy neighbors? Check. Love thy enemies? Sure, why not. Funny enough, those are the same people.

I vaguely recall tales of a colossal ark and water that gets you drunk, but the finer points elude me. As a kid, my mom tried to indoctrinate me into Christianity. She’d lecture and threaten, hoping to steer me away from eternal damnation. I can’t blame her, though, for trying to literally scare the hell out of me.

I studied religion through hell and high water, but ultimately, it just wasn’t my cup of wine. There’s only one occasion in which I still see The Good Book, and no, it’s not at church. I’m talking, of course, about on vacations.

Which brings me to my rant of biblical proportions. Let’s talk about this bizarre tradition of finding Bibles in hotel drawers. Why in God’s name (ha) do they do that? Why prioritize scripture over, say, decent pillows? I have a couple of theories.

  • Hypothesis #1: Hotels are playing the guilt card. They’re trying to scare us with good morals; figuring we’ll think twice before stealing their crummy towels, soaps, pens, shampoos, sheets, televisions, beds, windows, and even employees.

Sorry, but it doesn’t work. We’re all guilty of swiping a towel or two, and the Bible isn’t about to change that. Heck, it’s part of my unofficial travel guidebook. Besides, most people who check into motel rooms are already committed to doing something naughty.

  • Hypothesis #2: It’s all about the money. Religious groups are cozying up with hotels to turn a profit.

Since God doesn’t pay priests until the afterlife, perhaps they’ve resorted to second shifts in the motel lobby. No longer do they live on donations placed in smelly straw hats. And brace yourselves, because this is likely only the beginning. Soon we’ll be checking into hotels like Saint Hyatt and Our Lady of Hilton.

Regardless of the motive, this practice feels problematic. It’s not politically correct. What about other religious books? Where are the Torahs? Where are the Qurans? Where are my unofficial travel guidebooks?

I suppose there are bigger fish to fry, but it’s still worth noting. With separation of church and state, and separation of church and school, there’s not really much time left for separation of church and bedside table.

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113 Comments
Hannah
Aug 05 3:47 am

Omg um I love this post


Dating Advice Forum
Jul 13 9:47 am

Funny blog… bibles are in hotel drawers possibly because if your doing illegal you might think or an attempt to make people feel guilty!


Lillie
Jul 06 11:26 am

Yeah
It is
Pretty Annoying
To type
like this.
I mean
you have to
press the enter key
so many
times.

I've always wondered why they put the bible in there o_o. I just end up taking the damned bible. In fact, the bible is the most shoplifted book out there. *cough* I take the bible and just leave it somewhere in the hotel. *snickers* like the pool ^___^ No offense to those strong god believers but he's made up in my opinion. I think he's just something people blame their misfortunes on. Like Odysseus in the Odyssey :). Curse you gods for making me fall asleep and letting my men eat the cattle. PSHPOSH. I wouldn't take the hotel towels. Even though they've washed them, who knows where they've been O.O" bleach or no bleach ): ewwies.


Sho
Jul 05 7:04 am

Deffo, it's the written law to steal some things from hotels. If not, why do they have such nice smelling soap?

They most likely have bibles instead of Qua'rans because some stupid stat says 80% or something ridiculously high like that, it the % of America who claim to be Christian, and believers in God.

I mean, c'mon, on the dolloar bill it says "In god we trust."


Masoud
Jul 05 3:45 am

Funny blog, Justin! 😛 You're really good at writing

And where are you? 😛 Haven't heard from you for like… days (or so?) x]


Ben
Jul 05 3:13 am

That's a lot of ranting, and I agree with #1! :p It's weird. The official travel guidebook should be good, so get writing!!!!!!!! :S xD


Chloe
Jul 05 1:02 am

Yea I am going great, got another two hostees yay. lol. How are you going? hope you have been well. I love your blogs by the way, they are very interesting to read. (my neighbors are my enemy too)


Jackie
Jul 04 9:13 pm

I was thinking about that on prom night! haha I opened the drawer the morning after prom and was like WTF a bible?! Honestly was kind of scared looking at it like did I do something wrong last night? Haha So I believe strongly in Scenario #1!

And I added you to my affiliates sidebar.. finally. My internet was down for a while.


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