Loo and Behold: Potty Productivity
I was in the middle of watching “Yo Gabba Gabba” – totally normal for an adult, right? – when suddenly, nature called. Furious, I stomped off to the bathroom, begrudgingly abandoning my dancing puppet pals and lamenting the next 15 minutes I’d never get back.
Bathroom breaks are the worst. Why can’t our bodies be more efficient? Birds can poop in two seconds, and it even helps them fly! Human bodies are backwards; birds have to poop in order to move, but humans have to move in order to poop.
As if that wasn’t bad enough, I had forgotten my phone. How was I going to survive sitting there with no technology? Alone with my thoughts? No thanks.
Desperate to avoid boredom, I started analyzing the shower curtain, playing “spot the pattern” with the floor tiles, and even reading the back of a shampoo bottle. (Did you know shampoo has calories? Me neither.)
I don’t know what I would have done without that bottle. All bathrooms should have one. I bet that’s why it’s called shampoo.
Do you find yourself doing the same silly activities on the toilet? I can’t be the only one. I mean, we spend about a year and a half of our lives in the bathroom, and I doubt anyone just sits there like a potty zombie the whole time.
It’s like our brains have evolved to find excitement in the dumbest things as soon as our butts hit the seat. We’re compelled to do something – anything – while we’re in there. Maybe bathroom breaks are our cure for procrastination.
I’ve found myself blowing my nose, reading a book, checking emails, texting, tweeting, studying for exams, meditating, and even doing a phone interview. (I almost got the job until the motion sensor made the toilet flush mid-conversation.)
Come to think of it, maybe the human body is pretty efficient after all. Bathroom breaks might seem like a “big waste” of time, but they are actually super productive.
After all, guess where I wrote this post?
52 Comments
Tiara Lynn
LOL. Oh my goodness. I saw your comment on my blog and I immediately laughed out loud. I came to your website and while reading this blog…I continued to laugh. Oh my gosh. Lol
I don't bring my iphone in to the restroom due to me reading loads of horror stories about dropping it into the toilet and what not. 🙁
Cynthia
I thought tweeting was required while sitting on the toilet. If it weren't for the porcelein throne, I would never have time to tweet. LOL I thought I was the only one!
Gail
Lol I can totally relate to this! I can never ever go to the bathroom without my phone around. I always use it, because I tend to get bored whenever I'm inside. I don't enjoy having to go there for a few minutes as well, I might as well enjoy having to take a bath but sitting there for a few minutes can be quite boring.. and tiring. LOL
PS. You're lucky you don't get to experience having periods. Those are the worst.
Clint
Really. Mine's like I spend more time on pooping than taking a bath. I always have my smartphone whenever I am inside the bathroom. Music relaxes me inside. 🙂
Liza
Well, it's kinda official I guess; it's been a year sorta since you last blogged on here. 😛 I could do that, but I don't know. 😛 People would wonder why I wasn't blogging on my blog anymore if I did that. P:
Haha, that phone interview on the toilet? 😛 That's hilarious. xD
I guess I typically just end up looking around, noticing the smallest of things. I'd rather not read anything, because that's kind of gross to me (trust me, if you spent most of your life in a household that reads whilst sitting on the toilet and DOES OTHER THINGS instead of reading, then you wouldn't either). Also, I'm a germaphobe. That's probably why I don't read whilst on the toilet, either.
Did you use your laptop, or did you use your phone? I can't blog from my phone, and I definitely wouldn't take my laptop with me to the bathroom. xD
Stereo
God, it's so true. There's been more than once that I've almost been in a bladder-related accident because I have paused to consider just what reading material to take with me in the bathroom – this is something that cannot be taken lightly.
Erica
Hello Justin, thank you for dropping by my website and saying hello! I must say, I love everything about your website, including the guestbook!
Colette
Haha well I usually sit still or if I remember to bring my phone in I play games, or I just read a book on my kindle. Makes time go much faster aaaand you are not rushing at all haha.
Have a good day!
Amy
Well, it isn't a pretty subject, but it had to be said. 😛 I can't exactly relate to your poop scenario, but I get a lot accomplished when I'm driving. Stuck in the driver's seat with no technology (well, very little, anyway) I end up coming up with some great ideas and working out some problems I couldn't find a solution to.
Mallory
JUSTIIIIIIN. Your blog posts, Goddamn, boy, they're always so hilarious! I had to Tweet about this entry due to all the grinning and laughter, and I don't often do that.
And I was shocked when I first found out that other people also read shampoo bottles when they're bored whilst poopin'. I've decided that's why they named it shamPOO.
Ah? Ah?
=D
Sandra
OMG…. hahah I must have my phone when I go to my throne! good things there games and even pdfs where I read "online" books. I get to be really productive too when I sing inside there.
Jenny
LOL, I like how you end the post implying that you wrote it on the potty 😛
But seriously, I can't stand just sitting there doing nothing (well, not really nothing, but you know), so I used to leave books in the bathroom for that purpose. But now that I have my phone, it's all I need. And yes, when I do forget my phone, I end up reading labels off lotions, lol.
Erica
I don't have a smartphone, so I find myself playing spot the pattern fairly often. Oh look, it's a pony! Shampoo bottles get boring because once you've read one, you've read them all.
So… since you forgot your smartphone, I guess you brought your laptop to the bathroom with you to write this blog?
Bethany Lee
Hahahahaha! I totally love your scatalogical sense of humor. I saw your link for this post on LinkedIn and when I saw the name of your blog, I just had to stop by. And yes, using the bathroom is such an inconvenient thing, isn't it? Love your humor. We all need more of this. You rock!
April
LOL I must completely agree with this…sometimes, I even let my cat come in and I will throw toilet rolls and she will chase after them and bring them back…pretty productive. I'm giving my cat love and losing 10 pounds of shit at the same time! 🙂
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