Wrap Rage: Seal of Disapproval
Christmas movies make me laugh with all their clichés. There’s always a scene where children rush down the stairs to discover mountain of presents beneath the tree. Cue the sappy music as the camera pans over the kids tearing open boxes, revealing board games, Bratz dolls, and the occasional Mr. Potato Head. Parents look on adoringly, and the world is full of happiness. Gross.
I don’t know about you, but my childhood Christmases never looked that picture-perfect. In fact, they were quite the opposite. Instead of running to the tree, the first thing I’d do in the morning was head to the shed for a chainsaw.
You see, the thrill of getting a new toy was always ruined by that plastic clamshell packaging crap. You know, the impenetrable bubble stuff that’s always wrapped around electronics. Trying to pry that shit open often resulted in injury, sometimes even blood loss. Christmas Eve became a day to prepare for the coming war.
I’ve faced some pretty defiant packages in my day. I was forced to attack them with scissors, pliers, a butcher knife, a razor blade, my teeth, and even a newborn baby. Yes, a newborn baby, because, well, rumor has it kids can get into anything.
Trying to salvage my holiday spirit, I recently looked into solutions and found a device called the Package Shark. I was so excited until I realized it was also wrapped in clamshell packaging.
Don’t get me wrong; I understand it’s to prevent theft. But when it takes you two days to open your purchase, it kind of defeats the purpose. And boy, the worst part is when the clamshell is so tight around an item that there’s nowhere to poke without punching through the item itself.
A brand-new pair of headphones should not come with a sliced-up wire and 17 dents in the earpiece before you can use it.
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, 6,000 Americans are sent to emergency rooms each year with injuries caused by trying to open their purchases. What the hell?!
Another idea: why don’t we use this stuff to make condoms?
In conclusion, I hate clamshell packaging. It’s pretty awkward when you go to return something, and it looks like it’s been attacked by a Rottweiler.
113 Comments
AnneMarie
I hate the packaging on packages. It's such a hassle when you want to play with something but then its in a box.. wrapped with plastic and secured with tape… tightly. It's just annoying
Merete
1) Thanks ^^
2) It's kinda summer-ish. Really sweet and ncie 🙂
3) Yeah, I know right ! (hh)
sup? 🙂
Grace
I got your comment! LOL! Yeah, I probably should go to a theripist! LOL!!! Thanks for commenting!
Chelsea
Oh, God, I know what you're talking about.
I once spent an HOUR trying to open a Barbie when I was like 6. What made it worse was the fact that my dad was trying to cut through to the compartment thing that the actual Barbie was in, and of course I was crying in case he cut her hair!
It's ridiculous! Spoils that magical opening-of-the-presents activity. It should run smoothly and not include a pair of scissors at all!
Lea
haha, well you know how it is
Francine
really? i never knew it was like grunge…i just randomly add lines around the celeb because it means to cant see my clumsy attempt at pngs….
Shur
I know my layouts get simpler and simpler. It's ridiculous how I keep falling in love with my layout. I have fantasies of them at night.
Anyway just fyi, my christmas presents usually arrive 2 months earlier without any fancy clamshell wrapping. So I have yet to experience the attacked-by-a-rottweiler feeiling. 🙂
Greg
Aww i'm glad you like my affie buttons (:
I didnt even think anyone would bother to even look at my site, let alone the content haha!
Nothing much really just sittnig around the house waiting till 5 so i can get my hair cut!
You?
Brittany!
wow. this has to be the most creavtive site i have ever seen. LOVE IT! :D:D
Kinza
I actually have a scar from trying to open something with clamshell packaging. I think it was a Tetris handheld video game, and I was like six. It bled a lot, and I still have the scar on my thumb to prove it.
It's a BIG scar too.
Jhase
God, I used to just wake up with the scissors ready for the packages. You're right, on Christmas its not a time of family peace and loving. Its a time for waging war on the shell that holds your prizes.
I've done it numerous time, teeth, sciossors, knifes, slamming it down. It's silly, at least make the shit easier for someone to get open. Good god, kids get pissy when they cannot rip it open automatically. You don't want a rally of toddlers outside your building ready to teeth you up for bad packaging.
So yes, I concur with this. Clamshell Packaging is annoying and should be used for Condoms. =D
Ben
Your blogs are whacky, but at the same time funny. Where do you get your ideas? And I agree. :S
Julianne
I feel your pain! I can't believe those statistics though! Damn… And that would be one terrible condom to use!
Grace
I know what you mean! I sympathize!
Beckii
And I thought I was the only one who hated clamshell packaging with a passion. Honestly, I'll admit that I've almost been one of those 6000 americans due to my inability to penetrate a hard piece of plastic. So, you're right. Why not use it in wars? Or better, yet, for our border? It seems like illegal aliens are getting into the country easier than kids are getting into their new barbies.
As to making it a condom, that would be one hell of a painful condom to use. xD
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