I’m not the most religious person in the world, but I grasp the basics. Love thy neighbors? Check. Love thy enemies? Sure, why not. Funny enough, those are the same people.

I vaguely recall tales of a colossal ark and water that gets you drunk, but the finer points elude me. As a kid, my mom tried to indoctrinate me into Christianity. She’d lecture and threaten, hoping to steer me away from eternal damnation. I can’t blame her, though, for trying to literally scare the hell out of me.

I studied religion through hell and high water, but ultimately, it just wasn’t my cup of wine. There’s only one occasion in which I still see The Good Book, and no, it’s not at church. I’m talking, of course, about on vacations.

Which brings me to my rant of biblical proportions. Let’s talk about this bizarre tradition of finding Bibles in hotel drawers. Why in God’s name (ha) do they do that? Why prioritize scripture over, say, decent pillows? I have a couple of theories.

• Hypothesis #1: Hotels are playing the guilt card. They’re trying to scare us with good morals; figuring we’ll think twice before stealing their crummy towels, soaps, pens, shampoos, sheets, televisions, beds, windows, and even employees.

Sorry, but it doesn’t work. We’re all guilty of swiping a towel or two, and the Bible isn’t about to change that. Heck, it’s part of my unofficial travel guidebook. Besides, most people who check into motel rooms are already committed to doing something naughty.

• Hypothesis #2: It’s all about the money. Religious groups are cozying up with hotels to turn a profit.

Since God doesn’t pay priests until the afterlife, perhaps they’ve resorted to second shifts in the motel lobby. No longer do they live on donations placed in smelly straw hats. And brace yourselves, because this is likely only the beginning. Soon we’ll be checking into hotels like Saint Hyatt and Our Lady of Hilton.

Regardless of the motive, this practice feels problematic. It’s not politically correct. What about other religious books? Where are the Torahs? Where are the Qurans? Where are my unofficial travel guidebooks?

I suppose there are bigger fish to fry, but it’s still worth noting. With separation of church and state, and separation of church and school, there’s not really much time left for separation of church and bedside table.