A Tired Sole: My Stroll into Insanity
Walking is so overrated. There, I said it. If I had my way, I’d rather travel from point A to point B by being catapulted on fire.
Walking makes my legs sore and lethargic. I hate it so much that when it’s time for a stroll, I have to do it super early in the morning before my brain catches on.
If I could sleepwalk on command, I’d be all over that.
I don’t care if walking is good exercise. If it’s so fantastic, why does every mailman I’ve ever seen look like Rosie O’Donnell?
Okay, forgive me for sounding bitter. It’s just that while on vacation, I did so much walking. It got so bad my legs gave out, and I fell into a lamp. Ironically, as I was wrecking the light source, I didn’t feel too bright (I’ll see myself out).
And that’s not the only time walking has made me feel dumb. Have you ever walked into a room and then forgotten why you walked in there in the first place? It happens to me all the time. Between you and me, I think that’s how dogs live their lives.
I suppose walking isn’t always a bad thing. I do like long walks… when they’re taken by people who annoy me.
When we were babies, we had it all figured out – we crawled. Crawling was easier on the legs and burned way more calories. We wiggled around like little coyotes, and well, frankly, we looked like badasses.
Unfortunately, my mom ruined everything for me. She spent the first two years of my life teaching me how to walk and talk. Well, the joke’s on her. She spent the next eighteen telling me to sit down and shut up.
The public school system also pressured me into walking. I remember being taught that before I criticize someone, I should walk a mile in their shoes. That’s pretty good advice. I mean, once you get around to making fun of them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
I’ll admit there are worse things than walking. At least I’m not jogging. Jogging makes my man-boobs bounce up and down.
I remember reading somewhere that jogging could add years to my life. That’s definitely true. Every time I jog, I feel ten years older.
49 Comments
Thuyy
JUSTIN. Your blogs are hilarious, as always. lol
And I'm sorry you hurt yourself running into a pole. D:
Hahaha how are you? (:
Oh, and please change my link (: I've moved. 😀 I'm sorry I haven't been a great affie. T_T
Greg
dont even know if you'll remember me, but i remember you! your blog is still as hilarious as ever, we used to be affies a while back (bleaah.com?) so i thought i'd just stop by and say hi! HI! 😀
Deanna
I'm sorry that you feel that way about walking. I walk every where. I don't know what I would do if I could no longer walk. Last weekend my boyfriend decided that we should walk home from the mall where I work. It only took us about an hour and 40 minutes.
Amy
Humm de dum. I'm going to comment reply anyways, even if you don't have a new blog post up. 🙂
I fell out of love with Twitter because I fell in love with Facebook. *guilty*
O m g. I love old things too! My grandparents are awesome. xD
Rah! You and yo' boyfriend aren't gettin' my baby camera!
Mandie
hahaha ever since i stumbled onto your site about a year ago i have been lurking your comical blog updates.
I just wanted to say that you definitely make my day brighter with your humorous, sarcastic mind of yous 😀
Passion
thanks
—
lol!! you are crazy!
walking and jogging aren't that bad unless it's really hot.
"She spent the first 2 years of my life teaching me how to walk and talk… which is weird, because she spent the next 18 telling me to sit down and shut-up". lol, this line killed me.
Shakima
I love walking if I have to
Otherwise summertime I dont walk for no one.
I ride my bike eevrywhere, even if its half a block up.
Even though people may think bike riding requires more energy than walking, it does yet, I feel lots of wind riding and I dont have to bake in the sun draggin my feet.
I find everything you mentioned ironically funny because its true.
As usual I enjoye reading your blog as I always do.
Will return as well.
Alex
thankfully i was able to block her and whenever she tries to come to my site she'll get redirected.
Grace
Yeah, I bet your right Justin! Everyone has some disorder, its just a little scary when you know sometings wrong. I have ADD as well. Good to know someone who has it as well in the blogging world.
Georgina
LOL I loved all the puns and references in this blog. Walking is pretty overrated but I actually take a different stance – I do love it. I seriously think it beats any other form of exercise. For example, running. I despise running! I think walking is just pretty easy, in comparison to kicking a ball or lifting weights. It's kind of a natural thing to do.
I don't think it was nice that you were pressured into walking. The walking I hate is when my mum's in a really huge shopping mood. WALKING IS TERRIBLE IN THAT SITUATION!
I think we have all been in the situation where we walked into a room, forgetting what we initially went there for. 😛
Kitty
You're hilarious! I think you should stop walking as a protest and make a group of followers!
Jogging is worse, indeed.
Gail
Yes, very overrated. But we have to love our legs, because some people can't walk and are dying to walk while us hated to do that stupid leg-soaring thing. Yes, I'm also bitter. I have this prob on my legs that I have to wear like a cast every summer for 30 days. It's hard because I can't walk properly and I can't bend my knees. When I'll bend it, it will hurt so much. 🙁 HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY. haha!
Rainie
WALKING IS OVERRATED. I think the Japanese invented a car chair that's like a wheel chair for lazy people. Sort of like the one in Wall-E those fat people use. I don't get why they haven't released it yet. Darn the Japanese, keeping all the good stuff to themselves!
Brandy
<blockquote>When I was a baby, I had everything figured out — I crawled. Crawling burns way more calories (which is weird, because a lot of babies look chubby). But anyway, back then, I wriggled around like a little coyote, and it made me a badass. Unfortunately, my mom ruined everything. She spent the first 2 years of my life teaching me how to walk and talk… which is weird, because she spent the next 18 telling me to sit down and shut-up.</blockquote>
LMFAO. Sounds exactly like my Mom. Oh, I love you Justin. Your blogs crack me up.
Mallory
LOL, you're hilarious, Justin — Even *I* wouldn't dare use that many stand up comedianesque jokes and puns in one entry, bwahaha! XD;
You have courage, my friend. I like this.
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