Silent Night? Uhh… Not Quite
Two years ago, I woke up in my dorm to find my roommate and several of his friends hovering over my bed, grinning like they’d just pulled off the ultimate prank. Naturally, I thought they’d sharpied a dingdong on my face. But no, they were just laughing at the strange noises I was making.
Apparently, I moan in my sleep. Now, to my knowledge, these aren’t sexual moans (and if they are, why the hell do I get pleasure from dreams about losing my teeth?). Rather, the moans are because I fail at breathing, and a quick Google search shows I’m not alone.
Sometimes, as I’m drifting off, I hear myself doing it. It’s definitely not flattering. It sounds like a zombie grunt, but only if the zombie were a camel or walrus. Yeah, picture an undead cow mooing to the tune of Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face.”
The moans also echo like the tripod foghorn sounds in the War of the Worlds remake. Imagine a raspy elderly man blowing on his hot soup: muEhhhh. That’s me.
Waking up to an audience isn’t the only downside of my sleepmoaning. I can’t nap in class without everyone knowing about it. Professors always know I’m not paying attention once they hear Christina Aguilera belting in the back of the classroom.
Once, I accidentally locked my door before bed. When the moaning started, my mom thought I’d snuck a lover through the window.
Why can’t I do something normal in my sleep, like sleepwalk or wet the bed [insert an “I Peed a Little” joke here]? Whenever I mention my sleepmoaning, my friends assume I have an illness, a mental condition, or even syphilis.
I wonder what other bizarre and seemingly sexual things I do in my sleep. I can’t wait ’til the morning I wake up in assless chaps.
Maybe I should embrace the moans and use them to become a celebrity. I mean, I could always become one of those ladies in the shampoo commercials. The only pitfall is that I must be asleep, so I’d probably drown.
Or, I could become a singer like Justin Bieber. He moans a lot in his music.
The only other moaner I can think of is Moaning Myrtle from Harry Potter, but she’s creepy as hell – a pubescent dead voyeur watching school-age boys take a dump. I’m sure I can find a better role model.
83 Comments
Shanelle
I would rather moan! I'm a walker and a talker, and a conversationalist I have learned! My mom's had full conversations with me while I'm sleeping. She says I like to talk about weird things, ranging from apples to birds. I'm not quit sure what I'm dreaming about during it all but I always end up back in my bed. I can be a bonified creeper though 😉 I'll walk out of the house and set outside. XD
I guess be thankful they haven't video'ed you yet? That would be embarassing beyond all belief!
Ida
i guess doing weird things while you sleep is something all of us do. my dad sometimes find me talking while i’m asleep, too bad i’m talking in another language than humans can understand because it would be fun to know what i’m actually talking about, lol!
yes red, white and blue is the colours on the norwegian flag 😀 and uhmm i’m not sure which math, normal math? nothing too complicated, but wait, math is complicated itself.
Deej
I do moan when I am tired from my daily activities and when I do have my best dreams ever! 🙂
Well I think that's normal. Isn't it? Thanks for dropping by my blog!
Hazel
i know some other people who also moans on their sleep! i guess it's because of too much tiredness that's why you can't breathe properly. but in any case, you really should consult a doctor!
Fia
OMIGOD. Hahaha! That's a different sound from snoring too? It's a good thing you don't snore. Snore + Moan = I don't wanna know. LOL
My boyfriend sleepwalks, sleeptalks, and sleeptouches… Whether it be a guy or girl beside him on the bed. So now, I make sure he sleeps with no one else but me. It can get pretty dangerous. LOL But I'm used to it 😉
Kate
I make noises when I sleep sometimes. Lsst week I woke myself up because of a sound I made. It really startled me. I must have been really over tired.
Tine
hahaha i have seen one of my friends doing weird stuff while sleeping. i think he's not aware of that but it's disturbing because i'm a girl. :))
i did a report about sleep disorders. i even saw some thingie (like a brace) where they put inside your mouth to prevent those moans and weird sounds. :p
Eden-Avalon
Definitely embrace the moaning. Maybe you could be a phone sex operator? The kind that doesn't say anything and just moans? Think about it – you could work and sleep at the same time!
I believe you should record your sleep moans. Post 'em up. For science of course.
If it makes you feel any better, I make wheezy little mewing noises when I sleep. It's my small inefficient lungs!
Silvia
LOL. Well, I've seen stranger things done in one's sleep. Actually a couple friends of mine had a decent conversation going while asleep, except their responses were really brief and came at about 10 minute intervals throughout the middle of the night.
People do all sorts of crazy things in their sleep. It may be embarrassing but as long as it's not life-threatening/potentially dangerous (i.e sleepwalking), might as well enjoy it x)
Btw thanks very much for your nice comment!
Ayah
My cousins say that I make a noise from my teeth when I sleep. I dont know what it's called though. gee. I wonder what kind of disorder it is. haha`
Liz
I'm sorry, but all I can seem to say about this is that it's quite odd, haha…
Liv
Wow this made me laugh. Not anything related to the subject, but the way you wrote the entry. Hilarious and audience-attracting. ^/_^
I don't think it's an illness or mental condition (of course could be wrong). I'm sure everyone's got sleeping habits and when you have roommates both parties will have to just accept the truth. Oh the joys of dorming …
Sindara
I will DM the pics to you on Twit. Don't want the whole world to see. Mr. Creeper! 😀
You know if you just drove one hour here I could just like show you them!
I really never go to doctors unless I need stitches or shots. I will google whatever you said though!
Sindara
You are the first to comment since my comeback! How sweet of you! 😀
Truth, I just started liking the other two. Micheal came to school without a shirt, and man you would be panting if you seen him. WOOT! How are you and your lover?
The song is a good one, I was like ehh, I will just get it and maybe I will get used to it or something, but now I am in love with it!
I will tell Lyn!
On to commenting your epic blog!
I love your blog. (does Kressa know you don't go for girls?) lol also! I hold my breath when I sleep and I will do it for five to ten minutes, when I was younger my parents would come in and make sure I was still alive. 😛
I used to sleep walk and I still snore and breathe funny. 😛
I am sorry, but that War of the Worlds thing gave me the exact picture of you doing that. Sorta funny. Also bad boy sneaking boys in your room! Especially unsupervised! Naughty Naughty!
Kressa
Lol I know it must suck having to deal with something like that. But your explanation concerning your situation is funny as hell. How do girls react to it? I'm sure words cannot describe it 😛
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