A Grimm Reminder: Tales from the Crib
I often stumble upon news articles lamenting that children witness too much violence on TV. I’m not here to argue whether that’s true or not, but I do think the authors of those articles are hypocrites. I mean, children have always been exposed to traumatizing amounts of violence. Why start caring now?
Exhibit A:
“Rock-a-bye baby, on the treetop,
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock,
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.”
What kind of sicko dreams up putting a baby in a tree and letting the wind play havoc? Surprisingly, this literal death threat has been around since 1765, and yet parents happily serenade their little ones with it, wearing grins like it’s all sunshine and rainbows.
I mean, close your eyes and actually envision what this nursery rhyme is saying. I imagine Jigsaw from the Saw movies rubbing his hands in glee, waiting for the cradle’s bough to snap. And in the background, Rob Zombie is belting out “Let the Babies Hit the Floor.”
What the hell did the baby ever do, anyway? It’s not like he deserved this horrible treatment. What crimes can a person commit at five months? Pooping in a diaper isn’t frowned upon until you’re at least thirty.
And did you know “Rock-A-Bye Baby” is touted as one of the first poems ever written on American soil? Well, sheesh. That was quite the promising start for the country.
But let’s get back to the point. Long before TV shows and video games were scarring children, we had Mother Goose, or as I like to call her, Murderer Goose.
Murderer Goose is also the mastermind behind classics like “Jack and Jill.” You know, the one where Jack severely injures his head and Jill spasms uncontrollably while plummeting to her death.
And then there’s “Humpty Dumpty.” The main character, the hero, takes a tumble off a wall, and bam! His innards go splat all over the King’s men. No little kid should be subjected to this. It’s cruel, and besides, the pain sounds egg-cruciating.
We’ve been force-feeding our children a diet of violence since birth. Maybe we should slap a legal disclaimer on these tales, just for laughs. How about: “Hansel and Gretel: Rated C for Cannibalism.”
All jokes aside, violence has been part of children’s lives for quite some time now. Television, ironically, might be the only opportunity for kids to see any happiness at all.
117 Comments
I Suck @ Names
The rhyme never said Humpty Dumpty was an egg.
Bad Names
Good going, parents! :L *sarcastic smile and even more sarcastic clap*
Eden-Avalon
You think this is awful? I actually grew up reading the original Grimm's fairytales. I would have constant nightmares about birds pecking out my eyes. …Sometimes I fear they still will!
Hobo Bag
lol, like your article very much!
Justin Robbins
Post a new blog. I need a chuckle.
Taversia
Ugh, I hate it when people blame a trouble child's violence on media. It's ridiculous. 😛 Those who can't differenciate between real life and, say, a virtual first person shooter, are absolutely ridiculous… lol.
As per always Justin, you write great blog articles. <3 :]
Kaela
Dude, you changed you're layout. LOL! I think it's really awesome anyhow, got that theemmmee.. XD
OMFG! I totally agree with you! Those so-called 'bedtime stories' gave me fucking nightmares! Like 'The Three Little Bears'. All I dreamed was me being chased by big hungry bug eyed bears. Roaring and screaming at me for eating their goddamned porridge. MAKE SOME MORE DUMBASS!
Haha, you are sooo right. Damn't, the guy broke his heard and the girl just keeps on rolling. Yet we're singing it in such a happy tune…
jeezz,,,
Jess
I agree with you. I've actually always gone on about Jack & Jill being wrong cos HE BROKE HIS CRANIUM! It took me YEARS to figure that out. I thought he was wearing a crown when I was a kid & snapped it. Nope. Brain damage. Yet that's cool to tell kids.
But Humpty Dumpty actually has historical value lol. There's 2 stories about what it refers to; 1 is about a canon used in the English Civil War in the in the 17th century & the other is that it's supposedly about the fall of Richard III. I apologise for boring you silly with that, but I'm a history student lmao.
Kids are tough though anyway. It's not like it even phases them. The types of parents who complain about this shit are the types of people who shouldn't be allowed kids cos they don't understand reality themselves lol. They always remind me of Kyle's mom from South Park.
& RE my blog: other candidates I chose for movie of 2009 were Public Enemies, Inglourious Basterds & Harry Potter. But I settled on Watchmen in the end.
Shannon
LOL! No doubt about anything you said! Everyone is blaming stuff on TV/Video Games/Internet, but it's all just like, "Hey, don't be jealous you didn't have this technology when you were born~"
And if you think about it, Santa is a creepy pedo.
Just saying.
Eka
Um, let's not forget "The Old Lady Who Swallowed the Fly"! WHAT THE HELL!?
That book is disturbing. Some old hag lady that ingests insects and animals and then explodes? That's nice for children to read about!
"Don't eat flies and spiders kids, because YOU'LL FUCKING EXPLODE! AND DIE! XD
Stepherz
They've also been exposed to a ton of sex as well! Remember the old lady who lived in the shoe? She must have been doing it 24/7…
Holly
Yeah, I know, but brownies aren't the healthiest thing in the world xD But yes, I did eventually have one…I couldn't help it! lol.
And yes I agree. I mean, kids are exposed to stuff like that everyday. Like really. I don't get why people do that. It's been a problem for a while, but yet they start caring randomly? Like what is that? LOL.
And yeah, what kind of song is that to sing to a child. Yeah, I'm going to put you in a tree, let the wind blow, then you'll fall??
Leave Comment