A Tired Sole: My Stroll into Insanity
Walking is so overrated. There, I said it. If I had my way, I’d rather travel from point A to point B by being catapulted on fire.
Walking makes my legs sore and lethargic. I hate it so much that when it’s time for a stroll, I have to do it super early in the morning before my brain catches on.
If I could sleepwalk on command, I’d be all over that.
I don’t care if walking is good exercise. If it’s so fantastic, why does every mailman I’ve ever seen look like Rosie O’Donnell?
Okay, forgive me for sounding bitter. It’s just that while on vacation, I did so much walking. It got so bad my legs gave out, and I fell into a lamp. Ironically, as I was wrecking the light source, I didn’t feel too bright (I’ll see myself out).
And that’s not the only time walking has made me feel dumb. Have you ever walked into a room and then forgotten why you walked in there in the first place? It happens to me all the time. Between you and me, I think that’s how dogs live their lives.
I suppose walking isn’t always a bad thing. I do like long walks… when they’re taken by people who annoy me.
When we were babies, we had it all figured out – we crawled. Crawling was easier on the legs and burned way more calories. We wiggled around like little coyotes, and well, frankly, we looked like badasses.
Unfortunately, my mom ruined everything for me. She spent the first two years of my life teaching me how to walk and talk. Well, the joke’s on her. She spent the next eighteen telling me to sit down and shut up.
The public school system also pressured me into walking. I remember being taught that before I criticize someone, I should walk a mile in their shoes. That’s pretty good advice. I mean, once you get around to making fun of them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
I’ll admit there are worse things than walking. At least I’m not jogging. Jogging makes my man-boobs bounce up and down.
I remember reading somewhere that jogging could add years to my life. That’s definitely true. Every time I jog, I feel ten years older.
49 Comments
Holly
Yes, it's a very strange picture!
You're right. It's just a new stage in my life. I'm sure I will get use to all the changes. I am looking forward to college so much!
I agree! I hate walking. If I can get a lift somewhere or use public transport then I will.
I'm not really a walking person. When I use to walk to school it took me about 1/2 an hour and I would be worn out. I don't think I'm very healthy :O
Crawling was a lot easier! Even though you ended up with sore knees and elbows.
Felisa
"I mean, if walking is so good for you, then why does every mailman I've ever seen look like Rosie O'Donnell?"
That's mean! You're going to hurt mailmen's feelings! 😛
The only thing I like about walking is that I can always tell people I don't like to take a long walk off a short dock.
Morgan
Lol, thanks.
Debbie Hanks/Mom
Justin, you are too funny!! And you don't have man boobs. Please come home tomorrow. I need you for Farmville. I need help with my bushels and stable. Your blog is great. Are you sure you shouldn't have majored in journalism? You are ver, very funny!! I just saw Bill Gates on Larry King. He reminds me of your "computer side". Love, Mom P.S. Please come home tomorrow. I bought you salads and cheeseburgers.
Sindara
OMG! I love you, Suga. You always make me laugh. The sit down and Shut up thing is SO true. I love walking. I HATE Jogging/ Running!
Man Boobs- Nice. Random. LOL!
HEY my sissy is a mail carrier, and the hell she doesn't look like the POS of Rosie
Grace
as always great and funny post! Try to post more often if you can, I enjoy reading them. 🙂 Have a great week!
Casey
Oh, I don't understand how you think that way about walking! I love to walk, seriously, it's like so much fun! XD, I walk home from school and if I wouldn't be late, I'd walk to school as well, but I live two freaking miles away, lol. Eh…all my mailpeople are super freaking skinny, I'm jealous of them, since I probably walk more than them…(ours have cars!)
Wait, where did you go on vacation? I never caught that. Fail. Walking is awesome, I mean people have walked forever, I guess.
OMG, I like to run, but I HATE HATE FUCKING HATE to jog! DX
Grrr…xD
Haily
Haha, that was really funny. 😛
The only problem I have with walking is that it isn't fast enough, so no, you were not "badass" when you crawled. Not in my book, haha.
Jenny
Haha, I hate walking too -.- But I hate running/jogging more. Where did you go on vacation? :3 Luucky, I don't think I'm going on vacation this summer. Possibly Las Vegas though, like last year.
Ohh yeah, it was great when we were babies! Our mommies fed us and we got to crawl. Wow, I love how you say this: "which is weird, because she spent the next 18 telling me to sit down and shut-up." xD
O_O MAN-BOOBS?! TMI, dude. That is just too graphic. xD Just kiddin.
Steff
Haha walking is not over rated. Get used to it. You know it's good for you. I've never seen a fat mail man and all our mail man come on postal bikes. But all the American movies I have seen the mail man is fat.
Did you know that all the exercise in the world will do nothing if you don't have a healthy diet making your metabolism slow? Thats why your mail men are fat lol.
Haha do you spend hours trying to make a blog? They're always so funny. You have a writers and editors board don't you? You pay comedians right? I'm insulting you because I'm bored.
Did you change your layout? I swear the background was red last time I visited. Maybe not.. 🙂
Veronica
Ya I'm with you on there. Not much for the walking, or the running, but would rather walk than run.
Aashni
As usual, your posts are funny and insightful at the same time 😀
remember the time when we were carried everywhere though?
Plus side: we were never tired of walking
down side: we had no control over where we went…
Sean
When in the hell did you fall into a lamp post on our vacation? I don't remember that haha. I like walking….a LOT….so this is a problem haha. Hugs
Jhase
Man boobs! -glomps at them-
Haha, walking is an enjoyable then when you do it for fun, but when you do it on a mission it becomes a bitch on wheels. I've walked so much, and been on my knees (do not take it that way) because of my job that when I walk my feet instantly hurt and my knees try to give out. Such a witch, lol.
I'm sorry the lamp beat you up, next time give it the money and it won't let you crash into it. Still, at least you had a fun time in Florida.
Now find a beach and film a version of Bay Watch for me…like now. I want to see them up and down Justin, no cowering out either! 🙂
Mucho Love,
Jhase
Siobhan
Hi! This is the first time I've ever read your posts, and chances are I shall return, very entertaining 😀
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