Elvis Hasn’t Left the Building
Elvis Presley: the man, the myth, the legend. He rocked the 20th century with his powerhouse voice and magnetic stage presence, catapulting from humble beginnings to become the face of a rock and roll revolution. But amidst his meteoric rise to fame, there’s one thing that keeps tongues wagging even today: his mysterious death. Some folks swear he’s still out there, wandering the highways and byways of life, making cameo appearances in the most unexpected places. Well if true, this certainly puts those bath salt zombie sightings to shame.
Yeah, people claim they’ve spotted him in grocery stores, gas stations, and even a Wendy’s parking lot…
Enter the realm of conspiracy theories, where my mom reigns as queen. No, she hasn’t had a personal run-in with the King (though, who knows, maybe a few more Frostys could change that). But she’s convinced, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Elvis lives on. In fact, she even “knows” his new identity: a Bible thumper from Oklahoma named Jon Cotner.
And she’s not alone in her convictions. The internet buzzes with speculation, fueled by eerie coincidences that blur the line between fact and fantasy. Jon Cotner and Elvis share the same birthday, same singing voice, same facial structure, and Cotner was even sighted chillin’ with Lisa Marie Presley.
But alas, scientific evidence remains as elusive as ever. No smoking gun, no definitive proof. If Elvis did indeed pull off the ultimate disappearing act, who’s to say he didn’t morph into someone else entirely? I mean, with his wavy hair, designer shades, and white sequined jumpsuits, all signs point to Lady Gaga.
Besides, sporting a tummy and a thick white beard, Jon Cotner looks more like Santa Claus than Elvis. Therefore, if we’re going to assume Jon Cotner is Elvis, by the transitive property, we must also conclude that Elvis became Santa. It makes just as much sense.
Perhaps Elvis was assigned to be Santa (kind of like jury duty), so he gained a bunch of weight and faked his death. Maybe he decided it was time to spread cheer instead of rock and roll. It would explain his Christmas albums… and hey, those Elvis impersonators in Vegas? They’re just his merry band of elves.
Hell, why stop at Santa? According to my top-secret, ultra-blurry photo collection, Elvis isn’t just Santa. Oh no, he’s also the Loch Ness Monster, too. Yeah he only sang about hound dogs because “You Ain’t Nothin’ but a Sea Creature” just wasn’t as catchy.
He’s also the mastermind behind Stonehenge. Don’t you see? It’s the infamous “Jailhouse Rock.” After all, he is the King of Rock and roll…
Heck, he’s even Bigfoot. Did you know his blue suede shoes are a size 30?
How far are we willing to go with these goofy conspiracy theories? I could keep spinning wild tale after tale, but honestly, my brain’s doing somersaults just trying to keep up. I’m confused. I’m bewildered. I’m all shook up.
43 Comments
Jamie
Oh my gosh you're right! He MUST be the lochness monster. It's the only thing that makes sense. haha (: This post was very…eye-opening. I had no idea the whole "Elvis lives!" theory existed. I don't believe I shall partake in the community of believers but it's definitely entertaining nonetheless.
Lisa
I must start subscribing to your feed. That picture of Loch Ness/Elvis fusion is too much. Looks surreal!
The world wouldn't be as interesting without conspiracies and their believers. Somehow, it all connects and adds up, these conspiracies.
In my opinion, your arguments are valid. I always suspected there was something fishy with that Santa.
In reply to your comment: I wish I was able to make miniature pianos. I'm thinking of starting to take the credit, but I'm sure the lady I bought it from wouldn't like that (since it says it's handmade and all).
Josie
Hahaha, I can't emphasise enough the amusement I felt from this post! I love the pictures too, you obviously put a lot of effort into your blogs rather than just go on rants like I do 😛
I wonder why people would think it a conspiracy though, like, are they saying he just didn't wanna be famous any more so he pretended to die? :S
Colette
Hahahaha this post was very well written, Justin! You are a great blogger and it is always a pleasure to read you. You know, people want to believe what they want, and no matter what you say or whatever proofs you bring them, they will stick to their idea of what is the 'truth'. It is sad, but that's what human nature is after all!
Alice
LMAO SOB at your pictures. And wow, I didn't know that people thought that there were conspiracies about his death… and life… and stuff >.> I thought he, like, died from overdosing on pills and threw up in a toilet and then died after that or something o.O W e i r d.
Liv
Haha! And someone was saying my boring entry made her laugh.
Since none of us were born when Elvis was so successful, I'd just have to use an analogy. If my favorite singer ever became like Elvis and dies mysteriously, I think I too would be quite convinced he is still alive.
But who knows? Maybe life is like one of those anime stories where everyone assumes a character has died when he hasn't. In other words, if Elvis were alive, life would be more interesting.
Dorine
This is creeping me out. I’m alone at home.
Your posts always make me laugh! I don’t know much about Elvis Presley but he’s utterly popular. I read in a book once about a sighting so it’s confusing as to whether…
Cat
haha, nice photos at the end! I'm always amazed at what conspiracy theorists say. I didn't know about Jon Cotner though. I have to admit… they do sound and look very similar!
Mom
Click my name for an article about this topic that is VERY interesting….
Chynna
Wait.
What?
People still think he's alive?! Oh my. People and their conspiracy theories. I do enjoy reading them because some of them are so ridiculous and far-fetched.
LOL AT THOSE PICTURES. XD
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Seriously, if you were caught in that rain you would NOT have liked it. I was literally swimming in that rain 🙁
I love sci-fi as well 😀 I'm going to watch rewatch Firefly after I finish this comment, actually. Ha! Checked out Fallen Skies wiki, and it looks pretty good – might give it a spin 😀 I'm going to guess that you like Doctor Who? Well, I'm hoping. That's my favourite show. Ever. Full stop.
Charles Bjørnsen Ravndal
Hahahah! I've heard or read about Elvis sightings even some movies try to hype the mystery.
Now, I'm quite intrigued with his death. (Checking Wikipedia now 🙂 )
Deanna
Haha, nice pictures. Your posts are always so funny. I really wonder if Elvis is alive. Wouldn't that be the craziest thing? How could you hide in public for so long. That would be quite a talent I think.
Jamie
OMFG, Justin this is the most hilarious post ever!!!! Quite frankly, you skipped the part about his funeral being a fraud/fake too. Some say that they even made his body into a wax figurine as they've never seen anyone sweat in the middle of the heat like that!!! Though my dad's an Elvis freak, and he still believes that he may still be a live where is unknown.
Thanks for your comment. It's quite alright though. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. I'm sadden, that I have to put up with this bullshit at this house and what not for two and a half weeks, but after that I'm gone and on my OWN!!! I hit the jackpot though which I will later talk about in my blog. :).
Meaghan
Aftershave helps moisturize your face after shaving and prevent razor burn.
Sure, I'll just put you in my pocket. 🙂
That's… nice lol. Did you know that one sneeze is 1/16 of an orgasm? So if you sneeze 16 times in a row, you just came. LOL.
Erica
omglol to pretty much all of this. From the bath salt zombie comment to you being all shook up. I have to say, I didn't know about this "Jon Cotner" conspiratorial thing, but holy god damn, when I looked him I was floored by how much they actually look alike. There's a very striking resemblance between the two, I don't think that fact can be argued, that's for true.
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