Shred Pounds with CHAINSAW
Millions of people around the world are bummed out by their bodies. Desperate to drop a few pounds, they end up doing more harm than good with fad diets and pricey surgeries. They care so much about how they look on the outside that they’re perfectly willing to wreak havoc on their insides.
If you’re one of these folks, then boy, do I have the product for you!
Ever dream of rocking that new bathing suit at the beach with confidence? Want to squeeze into a size four for your sister’s no-fatties-allowed wedding? Dying to enjoy amusement park rides from inside the cars?
Worry no more! Weight loss is now instant and requires little to no effort. The newest diet revolution is here. Introducing: CHAINSAW.
With CHAINSAW, all your weight woes are history. Unlike other weight loss programs, the CHAINSAW method is a breeze and doesn’t demand months of dedication. You will shed pounds in mere seconds!
After signing up for CHAINSAW, you’ll receive a package in the mail within 2-5 business days. Once it arrives, take CHAINSAW out of the box and fire it up. Hit the ON button, and simply apply CHAINSAW to any limb of your choosing (warning: this part may get messy).
Once you’ve completed these simple steps, head to the nearest scale. Take your time and watch your step—those red puddles of “excess pounds” can be slippery. Remember, safety always comes first with CHAINSAW!
While weighing yourself, you should notice an instant difference. Heck, if you stand on the scale long enough, you might even see the pounds drop before your very eyes!
The average limb weighs 10-25 pounds, and CHAINSAW uses a patented scientific whatchamajigger to whittle that weight down to practically nothing.
So what’s the catch? How much does this miracle product cost? Well, sign up now and you’ll get the best deal in town. Most people are willing to give an arm and a leg for their dream body, and with CHAINSAW, that’s all we’re asking for!
Call now! Cut off your food addiction. Shred that unwanted body fat. Sever your ties with depression.
CHAINSAW also doubles as a toothbrush.
118 Comments
Regina
Did I get your sarcasm? YES I DID *feels proud*
People are so obsessed with weight loss nowadays, it's absolutely ridiculous.
Nnie
YES THE (oh so called) FAT GIRL HAS A BLACKBERRY CURVE.
Lana.
THIS SITE IS SO COOL.
i know some people so conceited about their weight they may actually do this.
the dumber ones :
Viki
lool!
okay, 105, that's not heavy, being 15 and 105, is very light.
haha a lot of my friends are 140, and really weight conscious D:
sad stuff.
Rachel
hahaha hilarious as always ^.^
Long time no talk… how are things with you?
Amy
Haha, weren't they all?? I think I liked lala because he/she/it was yellow. Plus all the others had more disturbing things on their heads than lala, but I guess I won't have noticed that when I was 5. 🙂
xx
Viki
FINE!
I knew you'd be first to fix the holes in this marriage :k
loool.
too bad im like 105 pounds, no need to cut anything off,
i may not be needing this 'chainsaw' for a while.
Deanna
Actually, I can already go to the beach and wear my bikini with confidence. And I don't want to be a size six because I'm already a size 5.
Why would I take the chainsaw to my arm? If I was going to use a chainsaw I would use it on my gut. Now I have two arms? I always had two arms. I don't think I trust this new system of yours.
Kari
LMAO. hahaha. I swear if you added 'FDA approved' people would actually buy your product, lmao.
I also love the chainsaw also doubles as a toothbrush part; it made me think of commercials where they're like standard restrictions apply, bla bla bla
Ben
I gotta get myself one of those… I didn't think I had particularry fat arms but my fingers could do with a slim. One chainsaw pls.
Kaylee
Unfortunately, I'm not sure how a missing limb would make your dress size smaller 😛 But hey, with the right marketing, I could see this product going really far! Especially considering how lame/desperate some people can be these days…
Stephine
Down to a size 6 = no fatties? WRONG! Lol.
Jhase
Hm, Chainsaw huh? I think I'll give it a go, I'm sure I can deal without a leg and a few toes.
Very funny post, and you know most diet-centric commercials are basically saying this in the subliminal messages.
Alya
Hmmmm… then good luck with your homework and college!
Does it really suck at college?? or is it better than high school… I guess its more homework in college than school right?!
*Alya stop blabbering!!! I am really bored*
Amy
Little kids have enough of their own language without having TV adding to it. The teletubbies were bad enough lol. 🙂 Why did I ever love them?? Lala was my favourite. 🙂
xx
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