Let’s face it: fashion trends come and go, but some leave a more lasting impression. Sure, we love to poke fun at the leisure suits and shoulder pads of yesteryear, but take a look around today – are we really any better off? We’ve got crocs, man cleavage, rappers bedazzling their teeth, hipster pants so tight they’re practically contraceptives, and everything in Nicki Minaj’s closet.

I think we’ve been way too hard on the past. Let’s take a moment to appreciate some old fashion trends that weren’t all that bad after all.

 
1. Hammer Pants

Before you ask, no, they have nothing to do with actual hammers, although wouldn’t it be convenient to dance on someone and claim you “nailed” them? Inspired by harem pants, these ultra-baggy trousers burst onto the scene in the 1980s and ’90s, thanks to none other than rapper MC Hammer. The pants are peg-legged with a colossal billowing crotch that droops below the knees (kind of like my uncle).

Historians speculate that the extra space in these pants served as prime storage for all your ’80s and ’90s essentials: Rubik’s cubes, Game Boys, Nintendo cartridges, Koosh balls, Cabbage Patch Kids, VHS cassettes, and of course, Cyndi Lauper. These pants must make a comeback. With their loose and forgiving fit, they’re the ultimate antidote to body image issues and eating disorders. But most importantly, if you’re ever wearing hammer pants and somebody pushes you out of a plane, you’ll probably land safely.

 
2. 80’s Windbreaker Jackets

The ’80s are back in style, folks! Take a stroll through the mall, and you’re bound to see plastic sunglasses, neon colors, and hair so big it puts Robin Williams’ arms to shame. But there’s one iconic ’80s trend that’s still missing: the loud, obnoxious windbreaker jacket. Now, some may disagree, but personally, I’m all for anything vibrant—I’ve even contemplated sporting a bright orange traffic cone on my head.

Windbreakers are attention-grabbers, blending bold colors with eye-catching patterns that remind me of graffiti, sans the headache-inducing paint fumes. Ultimately, you can’t go wrong with a jacket whose name is synonymous with farting.

 
3. Powdered Wigs

Powdered wigs were an integral part of fashion during the 18th century, and their story begins like many others – with syphilis. By 1580, Europe was grappling with what was arguably its worst epidemic ever (besides the Black Death and the codpiece). With symptoms including hair loss, the afflicted populace needed a solution. As baldness swept the nation, citizens derived the only logical solution: harness Robin Williams’ arms. And when that failed, the victims wore wigs.

Initially, these wigs were like the Renaissance version of an ugly Christmas sweater. But when the King of France “did the nasty” and caught the STD himself, well, suddenly, the wigs became a symbol of wisdom. Fast forward to today, and the powdered wig is a relic of the past… coincidentally, so is wisdom. It’s high time we bring these wigs back. Not only are they wigs undeniably cool, but let’s be real, we’d all look like fancy kittens.

 
4. Fanny Packs

The term “fannypack” has always puzzled me. I mean, why call it a fannypack when it’s worn in the front? Last I checked, “fanny” referred to the posterior. You certainly can’t windbreak out of a fannypack! Maybe we should rename them to something more fitting, like vag bags, junk trunks, or sack sacks…

But despite the confusing name, fannypacks are pretty awesome. They offer a hands-free storage solution for anyone on the go. And think about it, wearing a fannypack may lower your chances of getting robbed. After all, who’s going to steal your iPhone if they have to reach around your private parts? Best of all, wearing a fannypack might make people mistake you for Batman… (now all you need is a nipple suit).

 
Oh, and if you really want to turn heads, why not wear everything at once? Take notes, Lady Gaga.