Budding Banter with Ferntastic Friends
I engage in a lot of self-dialogue. It took me ages to even realize it was happening. My friends were the ones who pointed it out, and now that I’m aware of it, I’m a bit unsettled. I find myself chatting away as I stroll down the street, sit at my desk, and even while I shop. Heck, I practically host a one-man talk show while on the toilet.
I guess it has its perks. Vocalizing my thoughts helps me bring clarity to what’s happening in my head. It aids my concentration and helps me navigate the world around me. Admittedly, it also makes me look bat-shit insane, but hey, since I probably am, that’s a fair exchange.
But why is it assumed that talking to yourself is a sign of madness? If I’m jabbering away, folks automatically peg me as a candidate for the loony bin. They liken me to Gollum from Lord of the Rings, coveting my “precious.”
It’s not fair. Why can’t I just be my own cheerleader?
Thankfully, I’ve devised a plan to make my “me parties” seem less bizarre. The idea struck me while binge-watching Looney Tunes. In one episode, Bugs Bunny was conversing with a plant to hasten its growth.
This got me thinking about all the cartoons, sitcoms, and even ads that toy with this notion. Does talking to a plant actually expedite its growth? Who cares. All I know is, culturally and socially, it’s more acceptable to chat up a plant than it is to converse with yourself.
So now, whenever I leave my house, I carry a potted plant. It’s an Aloe vera, and her name is Sapniqua. When people hear me gabbing away, they’ll now assume it’s with Sapniqua, and they’ll know I’m not bonkers. Or, well, they’ll know I’m less bonkers.
This arrangement is a win-win. Sapniqua gets the benefit of accelerated growth, a theory supported by many scientists and even the MythBusters crew. When you break it down, the logic is sound. Plants need carbon dioxide to flourish, and when you talk to them, you breathe out carbon dioxide—fulfilling their needs.
Of course, I’m aware it’s not quite that straightforward. Sapniqua’s growth will hinge on numerous factors and conditions. I’ll need to be extremely careful with her.
It’ll be akin to dating her. I’ll need to check in on her, ensure her safety, and shower her with attention. Oh, and I’ll also have to quit talking to the fern next door.
Some may find this peculiar, but let’s not forget I’m not the first person to be overly affectionate with a plant. Hippies have been hugging trees since the ’60s.
Here’s hoping Sapniqua returns the affection. It’d be heartbreaking if she hated me. I mean, what if she prefers to be alone? It’s like the old riddle: if a tree falls in the forest and no one’s around to hear it, does it still want somebody to talk to?
If we get in a fight, is it taboo to buy flowers for my flowers?
As you can see, dating a plant is uncharted territory for me. When it comes to being a plant lover, I’m stumped. It’s a deeply-rooted issue. Okay, fine, I’ll stop with the puns before this grows out of proportion, and I bark up the wrong tree.
Wish me luck. I’d knock on wood, but it might be seen as an act of assault.
131 Comments
Lauren
Personally, I think that talking to plants has no effect on their growth. People do do it though. Hmm…maybe they need a friend.
Love all the plant puns. They made me laugh.
Bye! I'm off to hug a tree 😛
Chiui
I even heard of a person who married a tree, I wonder how they spent their honeymoon. Buahaha.
oooh..a fern next door!
Shivangi
my Mother's day went well.. we went out to eat.. it was fun. hahaa
How was your's?
I have always wondered if talking to plants actually makes them grow faster.. hmm..
Sophie
Hey,
Nice site, I love your CSS.
Lol, my Mum talks to plants. The ones in her greenhouse anyway, the ones she wants to grow quickly. But I think she is crazy. I mean she also treats the cat like it is a god.
Tbh I don't talk to plants.
Kat - Kat
"because you hurt its feelings by giving the fern next door a little too much attention" hahaha XD taht was hilarious dude 😛
I'm also wondering if talking with the plants make affects their growth. *thinking*
Stephine
Thank you 🙂
Hm, the confirmation email might be in your inbox? Or try resending it.
Oh my, I might try talking to plants… lmao.
Dontravious
Lmao my grandma did once tell me that you did indeed need to talk to a plant in order for it to grow =]
but I never did see any point into that. huging a tree thats pretty weird for someone to do lol
Baby
You're back! 😀 Yay. 🙂
Haha. That was a pretty serious blog, even if there were the plant puns. Just don't quit the day job, 'k? ;D kidding. I actually laughed sadly enough 😉
pls hug Sapniqua for me! Tell her I said Hi as well. You can never give a plant too much love.. Unless you over water it and kill it. That might count as too much..
Believe it or not nobody actually forgets the shirt rule! srsly. It's because it's tradition so you just KNOW you should wear it, y'know?
Yep. I has a over-used but super funny prank for next year. The old cling-film over the toilet seat one. Yays 🙂
Marianne
Plants and flowers and beautiful, but I ain't gonna talk to them. 🙁
Ben
You're back! What happened to you? I thought you had fallen off the face of the earth or something?!
But you're back, with your funny blogs~
How've you been!?
Kat
uh i'm doing my A levels. I'm not sure what that equates to in other countries and yer it sucks that it does vary.
thankyou for adding my link btw 🙂 i added yours too
that blog is super confusing haha, i just woke up though so it's probably me. I've heard about talking to plants, I don't do it though I talk to people 😀 still lol thats some random stuff XD
Clarisse
I actually did an experiment in Science class before, we made plants listen to music, it did change things 😛 Plus I saw it in Mythbusters before, they talked to the plants, but they used a recording so they weren't breathing on it, it still affected the plants but I don't know why 😛
And thanks, actually, almost everyone tells me to use stock exchange, haha 😛 I wonder why you've never heard of it
Georgina
I've hugged a tree before. Sure it felt a bit normal until someone took a picture and I realised… eh… that is a little odd. But trees provide us with joyous oxygen. 😛 I think the poor tree falling down would still need a hug. 🙁
About snorting stuff – well, I suppose it shows how plants have such a wide variety of uses.
Nice puns XDDD. It's true that you don't know when to let go though….
I heard of expages but it was pretty "expired" by the time I found out. XD
Sean
You are so random…and funny…and beautiful. 😀
Your writing brings me joy…lots. Yay for joy!
hehe
Taversia
HAHA. you bring up quite a few good points there! =] And my goodness; so many plant puns my head is spinning… You could probably take a brick and make it interesting. rofl… <3
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