They say the early bird gets the worm. I don’t know who they are, but in my humble opinion, they should mind their own business. I mean, who started this stupid rumor? Was it the birds? Is this some sort of avian conspiracy? If so, I hope they all catch a case of the bird flu. I call BS on this whole “early bird” theory. It implies that people who wake up early, or accomplish [...]

Outside of work, you’ll never catch me wearing pants. I loathe the way they look. I loathe the way they feel. I loathe the way the snug fit causes accidental twerking. It’s no secret that I’ve got a big ol’ man booty, and pants only emphasize it. It doesn’t matter if they’re slacks, capris, or even sweatpants—when my butt has drapes, it takes on new shapes. But no, I don’t go outside with my butt [...]

Millions of people around the world are bummed out by their bodies. Desperate to drop a few pounds, they end up doing more harm than good with fad diets and pricey surgeries. They care so much about how they look on the outside that they’re perfectly willing to wreak havoc on their insides. If you’re one of these folks, then boy, do I have the product for you! Ever dream of rocking that new bathing [...]

My mother always said I should start every day with a smile. Well, I’ve been mulling it over, and honestly, that’s a pretty tough task. When I wake up, my mouth is naturally in a frown. And no, it’s not because I’m sad. That’s just my default setting. When I sleep, I have literal resting bitch face. Frown aside, my mouth faces additional challenges. Sometimes it’s dry and chapped. Sometimes it’s wet and drooly. Sometimes [...]