Why on earth do Hurricanes have names? I can understand giving names to planets, household pets, and maybe even male genitalia, but it makes no sense to give names to tropical storms. Isn’t it a tad distasteful to be on a first-name basis with an evil whirlwind of doom? I mean, we don’t give names to tornadoes, snowstorms, earthquakes, blizzards, or any other natural disaster… So why not just say there’s a hurricane coming? That’d [...]

I’m not the most religious person in the world, but I grasp the basics. Love thy neighbors? Check. Love thy enemies? Sure, why not. Funny enough, those are the same people. I vaguely recall tales of a colossal ark and water that gets you drunk, but the finer points elude me. As a kid, my mom tried to indoctrinate me into Christianity. She’d lecture and threaten, hoping to steer me away from eternal damnation. I [...]

The marketing industry has its fair share of deception and bullshit. From “Do-Nothing” infomercials to self-proclaimed “Gurus,” it seems like everyone’s out to beat you up and take your lunch money. Well personally, I think it’s time to wake up and smell the coffee. If people are begging you for cash, they clearly don’t know how to get rich fast. And let’s not kid ourselves about those supposed free iPhones. If time equals money, then [...]

Please refrain from bringing your young ones to the grocery store. Seriously. I understand that they’ve ruined your life, but heaven forbid anyone else try to enjoy their time out. Keep them at home. Consider alternatives like a babysitter or a cage. I don’t want to see your obnoxious brats throwing canned soup down the aisles. I don’t want to hear them fussing and screaming for a brand new Barbie doll. And most importantly, spare us [...]