Silent Night? Uhh… Not Quite
Two years ago, I woke up in my dorm to find my roommate and several of his friends hovering over my bed, grinning like they’d just pulled off the ultimate prank. Naturally, I thought they’d sharpied a dingdong on my face. But no, they were just laughing at the strange noises I was making.
Apparently, I moan in my sleep. Now, to my knowledge, these aren’t sexual moans (and if they are, why the hell do I get pleasure from dreams about losing my teeth?). Rather, the moans are because I fail at breathing, and a quick Google search shows I’m not alone.
Sometimes, as I’m drifting off, I hear myself doing it. It’s definitely not flattering. It sounds like a zombie grunt, but only if the zombie were a camel or walrus. Yeah, picture an undead cow mooing to the tune of Lady Gaga’s “Poker Face.”
The moans also echo like the tripod foghorn sounds in the War of the Worlds remake. Imagine a raspy elderly man blowing on his hot soup: muEhhhh. That’s me.
Waking up to an audience isn’t the only downside of my sleepmoaning. I can’t nap in class without everyone knowing about it. Professors always know I’m not paying attention once they hear Christina Aguilera belting in the back of the classroom.
Once, I accidentally locked my door before bed. When the moaning started, my mom thought I’d snuck a lover through the window.
Why can’t I do something normal in my sleep, like sleepwalk or wet the bed [insert an “I Peed a Little” joke here]? Whenever I mention my sleepmoaning, my friends assume I have an illness, a mental condition, or even syphilis.
I wonder what other bizarre and seemingly sexual things I do in my sleep. I can’t wait ’til the morning I wake up in assless chaps.
Maybe I should embrace the moans and use them to become a celebrity. I mean, I could always become one of those ladies in the shampoo commercials. The only pitfall is that I must be asleep, so I’d probably drown.
Or, I could become a singer like Justin Bieber. He moans a lot in his music.
The only other moaner I can think of is Moaning Myrtle from Harry Potter, but she’s creepy as hell – a pubescent dead voyeur watching school-age boys take a dump. I’m sure I can find a better role model.
83 Comments
Sherry Zander
The only thing missing from this post was an audio recording of your sleep moaning — such a shame …
Simone
Wow. I never knew moaning in your sleep was so serious and had an affect on your life. I don't think it's weird of anything though. I mean people snore and make noises in their sleep all the time so what's the big deal, no need for an audience. It would be kindve embarrassing to do it at school or something.
Aashni
Yup. 15 exams. But they're all over now, and I don't wanna think about how badly I failed them. lol.
yup, I like to keep myself busy, so I have a lot of stuff to do online 🙂 lol
i've actually opened a new site – scuttlebutt.me 🙂 you should check it out (if work doesn't swamp you too much!)
and thanks. I've completely revamped my hosting site – new layout, new packages, everything 🙂 emnhosting.com 🙂 If you ever need a new host, I can hook you up 🙂 har har har
haha. just haha. I love that you're blogging again 🙂
moaning in your sleep.. this is something I haven't heard. My mother has a strange issue. Ok, snoring isn't a strange issue, but I'm not 100% convinced that the sounds coming out of her mouth are actually snoring sounds. We have a pretty big house, and if she's up in her room, with the door closed, and I"m downstairs in the outter kitchen withthe door closed, I CAN STILL HEAR HER.
I, however, also have strange sleeping habbits. I seem to talk in my sleep. But it's strange – it only happens if someone comes next to me, or tries to take something that's next to me. I start going "No, that's mine!" I guess I'm a security guard in my sleep…? Is that possible…?
Ooh. Justin Bieber joke. I have to. You should record yourself moaning in your sleep, upload it to youtube. You'll be more famous that Bieber's moans in a minute! I can't believe you didn't make a Rebecca Black joke here.. unless you like her…
To be honest, I think i've started to stop hating her song… haha
Ecommerce Developer
I have a huge smile while I was reading your post cause I suddenly remember my boyfriend. He's also snoring but sometimes I hear something like that. He can't sleep on the bus (when we're commuting) because he's too noisy when he sleeps. lol
gee, so you shouldn't really sleep while in class or else you will be laughing stock.
Becca
You’re not alone with the ‘zombie’ grunts – my boyfriend does that as well, haha. Scared the crap out of me the first time he did it while sleeping beside me, then I got angry because I was like “SEXUAL DREAM RIGHT BESIDE ME? COME ON NOW!”, then realized it’s probably pretty normal, hahaha.
Julia
Yeah, the first time I looked it up on Google, I saw the book. But THAT Korean Secret Garden has no "the." Gah, I don't know.
—
LOL! I feel better knowing that someone else is also weird when they're sleeping. xD
Maybe you could ask them to take a video of you muEhhhh-ing in your sleep. I'll be the first to watch it.
Holly
We have a strange grade system at college in England. An A to an E is a pass. The next grade is a U which is a fail. Haha no it wasn't good at all, especially when I'm aiming for B's to get in to university.
I don't moan in my sleep; I talk and laugh in my sleep. Apparently it's the funniest thing ever. My one friend always jokes about when I use to go to her house to sleepover and I'd just have a chat with her while I was asleep.
There is a guy in my college who always falls asleep in lessons and he snores so loud. It's incredibly funny!
I have slept walked in the past as well. My parents have just found me walking in to my brother room in the middle of the night. It's so strange!
Tiffany
This entertained me so much. I do not know if I do anything in my sleep. i think I just sleep haha but I do breathe heavy. Whenever I am in a sleepover with my friends that are coed, I always think the guys are gonna draw dicks on my face too lol Anyway at least they find your moaning entertaining lol. I think you should use it to your advantage and become famous:) YOu could be the second Justin, the moaning one 🙂 u can be a sleeping act lol
Kerry
Apparently I make noises in my sleep as well. I notice little noises occasionally as I'm dropping off, but nothing too bad.
I've also been made aware that I've recently started talking in my sleep. Not mumbling, like a lot of people do, but talking very clearly. The other night apparently I rolled over and said "I knew she'd come in and say that". I genuinely have no idea what I must have been dreaming about.
I think any kind of activity when you're asleep should be excused. I mean, it's not like you can help it. I just know that it's entertaining for people when they hear/see you doing something. And they're always quick to let me know exactly what I've said or done. :|
Jayde
LMFAO! This was hilarious!!! We all do something in our sleep. I've been told that I fight a lot in my sleep. I've caught myself fighting one morning, because all of my pillows & dog were on the floor! =/ And of course, my mom heard me cussing someone too. Hey it happens.. Lol.
Jenna
I'm sorry that my co-owner didn't get back to you on the post where you asked if we did personal requests. I do, and if you want something done I can attempt to make it haha 😀
Jenna 🙂
Mayra
HAHAHA! I think everyone moans on their sleep at some point, I've heard my mom do it LOL and i think I've heard myself when I'm starting to fall asleep >.< I find it embarrassing doing it in front of other people hahah
Mel
haha, personally i thought the song was VERRRRYYY catchy! 🙂
she plays clarinet and she loves it, she started playing it because that’s what my sister played when she was her age, it’s kinda sweet.
bored at work= NO FUN!
you could always listen to more george michael! haha, just kidding! though ironically since i made that comment i think i have heard that song on the radio every day since, and before then i hadn’t heard it in years, funny how things work out! haha.
Clairessa
Hahahaha. I had a roommate who literally had incoherant conversations in her sleep lol. She could also text random conversations in her sleep. Just gibberish but it was kind of amazing that she was conscious enough to actually get to the text screen and then send it lol.
Clint
-offtopic-
Hello ka-birthday, ka-course.
Yea,I got the size. Lam mo na un. 😛
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