Start Every Day with a Smile
My mother always said I should start every day with a smile.
Well, I’ve been mulling it over, and honestly, that’s a pretty tough task. When I wake up, my mouth is naturally in a frown. And no, it’s not because I’m sad. That’s just my default setting. When I sleep, I have literal resting bitch face.
Frown aside, my mouth faces additional challenges. Sometimes it’s dry and chapped. Sometimes it’s wet and drooly. Sometimes it’s covered in whipped cream from the, uh, adventurous night before.
Sorry Mom, but I can’t do it. There’s no possible way for me to follow your advice.
Sure, I could force a smile as soon as I’m conscious, but technically, that’s not starting my day with a smile. It doesn’t count.
And besides, I don’t have the acting chops to pull off the switcheroo. Somebody would catch me. Somebody always catches me when I fake things in bed.
Even if I could fool the world with an Oscar-worthy smile, I’d run into other problems. Like, am I supposed to take this literally? Should I be grinning at precisely 12:00 AM?
That’s problematic. Most midnights, I’m not even asleep yet. To follow the rules, I’d have to smile before I go to sleep. I would no longer be starting my day in the morning, but rather, I’d be starting my day in the middle of the previous night. I’d be starting my day on the previous day before the previous day even ended, and my bedtime would be my morning. None of this makes any damn sense.
And what if I am asleep at midnight? Unless I develop a habit of sleep-smiling, I’m doomed. I’d have to find a way to physically hold up my smile all night.
Maybe I could duct tape my lips? Maybe I could get Botox injections? Maybe I could hire a magical gnome who watches me in my sleep and pokes my face when the time is right?
Bah, I give up. I’m not going to smile. Smiling is overrated. Who even cares if I follow my mother’s advice? I mean, it’s not like this is the first time I disobeyed her. I have whipped cream-stained sheets to prove it.
What’s the worst that could happen? If I don’t smile, will there be consequences? Is this one of those superstition things? Is it like seeing a black cat, walking under a ladder, or breaking a mirror with my ugly face?
If I don’t start my day with a smile, will I have bad luck forever? Will I get hurt? Will I fall out of a window? Will I crap my pants?
Maybe this is more serious than I thought. Mom, I’m starting every day with a diaper.
147 Comments
Kaylee
Starting the day with a diaper sounds like a better idea; then you are free to laugh (which is even better than smiling) without worrying about getting your pants wet.
Jhase
I'm better. My ear is throbbing because I'm working on murdering the infection. But overall, I'm doing much better.
Ha, my teachers use to always say that. I use to always laugh at that too. Who the hell wakes up smiling? You have to get up early, you're allowed to be grumpy looking. It's impossible, you know unless you had a great night before or got laid finally after like such an amount of years or months.
Sandra
It would be impossible for me to start my day with a smile. I'm too morning tired. I know! I could have a leprechaun next to my bed s it's the first thing I see in the morning. Those things always makes me laugh.
But you are a funny guy. It was a pleasure reading this. Thanks. I needed someting fun as a break from writing my essay.
Chelley
haha oh justin. where do you get these ideas for these posts? do you just sit in your bedroom and think of the craziest shit? either way.. it's good stuff. it always makes me laugh.
i could buy a gnome that would watch me sleep and touch my face when the time was right"
hahah. priceless. xD
Amy
Yeah, if she thought I was suicidal the least she could do was stop glaring at me. Haha.
I start most days by sleeping too. My sister smiles when she's asleep though and it's actually quite creepy. It makes her look as if she's laughing at me in her sleep.
xx
Willian
I really try to follow it "start everyday with a smile", but I don't know what happens, it just doesn't work for me. I can't wake up smiling, I wake up with a frown and mute all the time, then I get happy and talkative. I'll start trying again, I hope it works ;D
Chrys
HAHAHHAHAHA. I love the gnome that would "touch my face when the time was right". You're probably the only person in the history of mankind to invent a situation in which a gnone touching your face is considered the "right time". Funny, funny.
You know it's funny how you said "-burp-" because can you actually make yourself burp whenever you want? I had this conversation with a friend the other day who was attempting to burp the alphabet… It's impossible for me. Physically impossible to make myself burp. Hmph. Or maybe I just need lessons :S
Anyway…
I'm alright. I think my exams went rather… Badly. Well, not badly… Just not very well. If you know what I mean 😉 I could have done wayyyyy better, but that IS to be expected.
How would you start every day with a diaper? Same problem. You'd have to put it o at exactly 12:00 and then if you were a second early/late the God of Poop would smite you. Hmm. I'd rather get smote (?) by the God of Happiness.
Then again, I'm an atheist, so all is good.
Woah… Long comment. hahaha.
Mary
A bit you mean a lot your such a lier you said a month. I'm ashamed of your behavior! LOL kidding
Mallika
thanks 🙂
lol..i can never start my day with a smile , I am always grumpy in the moring…hehe
btw I love your site very cute and funny 🙂 lol
xx
Fia
I guess it's impossible for me to start the day with a smile. I'm usually grumpy every morning when I just woke up. xD
Reply to your comment: Hahaha. You must be really bored huh? 😀 I'm fine. And you? Is boredom killing you? lol xD
Nnie
Lol~
Anyway what time is it there?
Viki
Yes starting everyday with a smile is so hard.
but even when you feel so bad inside it's so hard to smile, well except for when you're laughing.
lmao!
So do I, no jokes; frowning position + drool, it's kind of nasty.
JEESH that might be hard, exactly 12:00 am in your time zone you need to smile, or shalt be struck my lightening bolts D:
I don't get that last part xD
that you're goign to start everyday with a diaper. 😛
ahha that's such a guy thing.
maybe she is bipolar
DUN DUN DUNN
that might explain a lot.
haha yeah, I just think she generally hates me.
which is cool with me, you don't have to pretend to be my friend.
just leave me alone, you know?
xD
Mary
WOW what date is yours??
Monica
lol…Don't worry I'm not one of those people who are truly infatuated with the fictional guy though I wish there were more guys with a gentle man ish personality lol… Sorry I like the book very much xD
Very old fashioned…
Ooooh the Wayside books 😀
LOl yehh the names get quite ridiculous…names like- Tighteyez or something xD
Alexandra
No need for a gnome, use your cat!
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