What a Load of Hogwash
I’ve always dreamed of attending a pig-catching competition. Imagine the hilarity of watching idiots struggle to chase oily, muddy piglets around a pen for cash prizes. Sign me up! After an unproductive day of binge-watching clips, it’s clear that catching pigs is nearly impossible. So, that being said, why the hell is it so easy to catch Swine Flu?
Fear of the H1N1 virus is spreading like wildfire across the United States, and according to CNN, my college boasts the worst outbreak in the Midwest.
Well, dang. Why couldn’t we be on the news for something cool, like discovering Bigfoot’s Facebook account?
With over 110 identified cases, you’d think our university would shut down. But nope, classes are still in session. The school officials are carrying on like it’s nothing. They’ve simply handed out a few boxes of hand sanitizer.
In my growing paranoia, I have some pressing questions…
- Will Swine Flu give me an uncontrollable craving for bacon and pork chops?
- Should I slather myself in oinkment?
- Is this more of a snoutbreak or a hamdemic?
- Are we heading for an Aporkalypse, Hamageddon, Pink Plague, or something equally dramatic?
- Should I sneeze by saying achoink?
- Will there be blockbuster movies about our school, and if so, can I be the main character? I’d like to pitch: Swinedler’s List, Pig Trouble in Little Mexico, and Babe: Death in the City.
- Once infected, is this an acceptable pickup line: “Girl, you need to be quarantined, because you have a case of the Fine Flu.“
Wow. There are so many swine flu jokes going around. It’s like an epidemic or something.
What even is Swine Flu? Now, I’m not a scientist, but I do have a theory. I bet it was started by a group of jealous pigs. Hear me out: Turkeys have Bird Flu, cows have Mad Cow Disease, and crabs have… well, you know. Pigs were simply next in line to pig out and bring home some extra bacon.
Darn those attention-boars.
I used to trust pigs. I even had a piggy bank. Well, not anymore. First, they took my money, and now they’re trying to kill me. Remember when PETA protested that meat is murder? They were actually warning us!
Help me! I’m living in fear! I doubt I’ll survive this Swine Flu. Hell, I doubt I’ll survive my university’s quarantine. Well, I suppose there’s a chance… when pigs fly.
72 Comments
Alice
Thanks for commenting! Our teacher said we had the best paparazzi pictures. So I believe we're going to get a good grade. 😀
The Swine Flu has placed itself here in Norway too. People who has been in the United States has brought it here. The Health-something has posted posters all around to make people wash their hands all the time and sneeze in their elbow just to be safe.
But hey, good pick up line! LMAO!
Merii-Beth
LOL !
well because i'm only in elementary, by english i meant my homeroom/english speaking teacher, since im in a french program.
so that means that like math and grammar and religion and everything, are stuff we get quizzed on -_-
Amanda
ahahah the pig jokes are funny (: XDD
hahaha I actually wish there was a Lunch Honors….cause our lunch room is SOOO crowded, we science honors kids who came back from lab [which is half of our lunch period] only got 5 minutes to eat! The line was SOO longgg and I just needed to buy a stinkin' snapple and it took like 15 minutes ! I think I'm gonna bring my own lunch… unless this thing gets more organized !
awww thanks 😀
Diamond
Meh. It's alright, I guess! 🙂 Yeah I definitely will! Well I've been giving comments and returning them really well and I guess I'm proud of myself, ha! ^_^ I hope you're doing well too! It IS stressful, Justin! :(! *Hugs*! 🙂
You and your boyfriend better be careful of the swine flu, there, too! D:
Katie
Seriously?! There's pig catching competitions! Bahaha, ultimate fail there people!
Yowch! I know that my old school had to be closed down because of the Swine Flu.. But not college (:
I do know a lot of people who've had it though!
LMAO! I love the points! I has a piggy bank. Hmph.
Oh and yes. My brother has plenty names for me. Puddleduck's a new one, but seriously I've not heard him say 'Katie' in years to me.
Ben
Omg I hope for your sake they close the university/collage. :S
Lee
I love your blogs! >o< The pun is so INTRIGUING.
I like pigs, especially the fluffy ones. I really want a fluffy pig.
Go to your college with a sign that says "if you touch me, you like me!"
That seems to work at my school. XD
YOU'VE GOT FINE FLU!!
—
Thanks! I've always liked your layout, it's so cute.
They did. D: One teaches English (my original teacher for that session) and the other just roams around and butts into everything.
Yes, it was. 😛 I'm going to print it out and trade it in for a medallion! X)
Cozza
Haha omg man, your blogs are always so interesting to read! (Your vids are always amusing to watch too haha – gay dumbledore, that just makes me rofl every time)
Holy shit, 110 identified cases of swine flu at your university? Omg that's shocking D: You best be careful Justin !
LOL FINE FLU. Omg haha hilarious. You come up with such funny random shit, it's awesome (H)
Yeah, everyone these days responds to those sick/injured with something about swine flu, it's getting ridiculous now haha. XD
Chrys
Nope, but I have tried to catch a sheep and goddamn that's hard!!! Hahaha. I don't know why I tried… I was in Scotland… they were everywhere… and it seemed like a good idea at the time. Funny too 🙂
HAHAHHAHA. Hamdemic. I serioiusly don't know how you come up with this stuff, it's brilliant. I'm thinking Radio Show? Tv Show? BOTH!!!?!?!
"Crabs had.. uhh… yeah" LOL!!
I used to have a piggy bank too!! Then I decided I had to open it and I thought there was going to be SO much money in there… it was about HKD$20… which will get you a meal at McDonalds. Hahhaa.
Alice
Hey Justin !
sorry for not keeping updated with you with blog comments etc.
the site for some reason had this random database error and it kept crashing from time to time.
it's not that i'm not active Lol 😛
just checking in since i was mia. for like, a week. 😀
Jhase
Lmao! Justin, must you always make me laugh with your blog post? XD
That pick up line, I'm so going to use it on some random chick one day.
But I agree, the Swine Flu epidemic is chaotic. Damn piggy's, just because we enjoyed their savory taste now we can't even eat it without the fear of getting a flu from it.
Knew I should have listened to PETA, I blame them for not having better promotional tactics!
That being said, I think I'll take your piggy bank now. -steals-
Chynna
Way to make me chuckle, Justin.
Haha, I love all the swine jokes. I don't understand why people are going all AGH! I'M GOING TO DIE over the swine thing. Seriously. If you have a cold or something, someone will shout at you "SWINE!" Yeah, nice. Thanks for that.
x
SEAN... You Know
Now….that….was….freaking…..funny! hahaha. I like the pick up line…imma use that all the time now…on you of course. haha. This is my favorite blog you have written. There needs to be more pandemics so you can write more blogs. lmao. I love you!
Nancy
Helloo Justin (: ! I remember hearing about pigs replacing bulls somewhere :O! uhhh. I forgot where x_____o. Oh yes, Japan`s pig rodeo ;D! Hope the oink oink flu goes away D: LOL, the questions are awesome :P. mmm, bbq oinklets. I seriously like the pick up line, LOLOL! I guess pigs became too awesome , that they decided to be rebels D':! enjoy (:
Diamond
Lmao, Justin! XD Now this is a really funny blog hahaha. yeah I guess you're right! Swine flu is leaving people with big headaches whether you're gonna die or not or something. But achoink and stuff? HAHA THATS HILARIOUS! I wonder where you get all this shit from lol. You rock! ^_^
Lmao, bigfoot! HAHA omg that really makes sense! Money now your life! You have a wild sense of humour!
I'm wondering when will there be human flu? if it will ever exist which is kinda stupid lol! xD
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