I’m freaking out right now. I barely catch my breath. With 2010 upon us, there’s a crisis on our hands.
No, I’m not talking about Doomsday predictions, a zombie apocalypse, or even running out of toilet paper. This is far more terrifying. Brace yourself. We’re facing the extinction of novelty New Year’s glasses.
For a solid decade, the two zeros in the middle of the year were a godsend for eyewear designers. They could whip up these “ingenious” glasses, and suddenly, everyone had to have a pair for their New Year’s shindig. And if you couldn’t snag a pair, well, you’d have to hide your face by making out with everyone. (At least, that’s my theory behind all the kissing at these parties.)
Back in 2010, the novelty glasses nearly bit the dust. But lo and behold, creative engineering saved the day by shifting the glasses to the right. Sure, the glasses felt a bit lopsided, but considering most partygoers celebrate by getting drunk and falling over, it somehow balanced out.
But now, with 2011 peeking around the corner, we’re staring down the barrel of a massive conundrum. There’s just one zero. What in the world are we going to do?
If you’ve ever watched coverage of New York, you know these glasses sell like hotcakes. Not only that, they save the city a boatload of cash; these literal spectacles keep New Yorkers so mesmerized that they forget about the lack of otherΒ spectacles like fireworks. Instead, they cheer on a ball drop (because who doesn’t want to witness puberty in action?)
The disappearance of these party glasses will spell doom for cities and eyewear companies alike. Before we know it, the global economy will be in shambles. The Mayans tried to warn us. If I recall correctly, there’s a part in their calendar that read, “Listen to that Justin guy who peed a little. Let him be your leader.”
But hey, maybe we can brainstorm some alternative 2011 designs before it’s too late. On the bright side, we’ve still got one zero left in the year. That should keep the cyclops and pirate communities happy. But alas, that’s only 40% of the population.
Perhaps we can do what they did in the 18th century? You know, back when everyone wore New Year’s monocles?
Scratch that. I’ve got a better idea! Let’s compromise the witty design but give the glasses a purpose; turn them into sunglasses. Then we can all pretend we’re celebrities, dodging the paparazzi left and right.
Or how about marketing the glasses as protective gear? You know what they say; never hit a man with glasses. Besides, it makes more sense to hit him with a baseball bat.
But enough of my rambling. Time’s ticking away, and we’re on the brink of a major disaster. Do any of you have any lens-crafty ideas?
That's so funny, I like it.
I love my random doodles :). My friends help me lotttt. With them ideas :D! But it`s too easy drawing Ronald (the dude in my pictures) because I`m too used into drawing him :D. π
OMG you're right we ARE doomed! Unfortunately I don't have a solution to this overwhelmingly terrifying problem. I'll take refuge to my secret lab to contemplate this problem at once!
Love your new layout by the way. It's really good.
PPS: Er, in my first comment, I meant to say; 'This reminds me EXACTLY of something that I'd write,' as opposed to whatever the fuck that other shit was.
PS: This is the most suck dickish idea of all:
http://www.brightbluecow.com/uploaded_images/2010glasses-768969.jpg
Dear Lord.
LMAO! This reminds me EXACTLY of something that's write, hahaha … Gosh, way too much hilarity in one entry.
I love blogs that make me laugh!
As for the actual problem about the eyewear, don't despair — Lots of other people have been wondering, as well:
http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=+site:answers.yahoo.com+2011+
glasses&ei=watYS_OAJpDM8QbIx4HOAw&sa=X&oi=fo
rum_cluster&resnum=1&ct=more-results&ved=0CA
4QrQIwAA
http://www.advicenators.com/qview.php?q=575700
http://twitter.com/hokorii/status/7263418058
The only remaining problem is that all of their ideas suck dick.
Thankfully, I've never worn a pair of New Year's glasses in my life, so this doesn't affect me personally, and thus all is well in Mallory Land. ^_^
Hahahaha! LOL, pretty weird topic you have here.. all for the name of glasses. LMAO :)))
I'm okay Justin. π How about you? I've just been a bit busy. I wish I can come up with blog entries like yours from time to time. Sigh.
LMAO wow, that's funny. Maybe it will be a monacle with 2 and 11 on each side.
It`s coolios about the questions π I don`t mind. I`m not sure about him, but I named mine babycakes afterwards because it attracts me. π So far, I`ve drawn 10 pieces to this. Not all of them are related ;P. Some of them are based on what happened, &all of them are real peoples ;D
I really REALLY like the idea of new years monocles. I think we'll be fine with only one 0 for glasses. Seeing out of both eyes is totally last millennium. If anyone can make this popular, it'll be Lady Gaga!
Haha. It's not really a tradition, more like something that just happened!
I don't think you should worry. If it's gonna happen, it's gonna happen. At least that's how I look at it.
Thank you :D! That was the first one I drew :P. Which was last week :O! Now I have like series of those pages ;P. Babycakes is the name of his trumpet ;P. I think, I named my clarinet babycakes too since I`m never satisfied with one general name :O
I love doodling! Well, I`m usually not creative when I have free time :(. Therefore, I doodle during class whenever I`m finished with my classwork :D! Which is, most of 2nd, 3rd, 4th& 6th :D. I blame the lack of honors classes this year π But it`s all good :D! I do have a hobby of amateur painting& drawing. π
Wow. You really must have spare time on your hands to think up all of this stuff xD
Unfortunately, I don't have a clue what you could do.. maybe they could be groovy glasses for people blind in one eye?
I don't remember ever having these kind of glasses. I am not really sure, but lol I wonder how are they gonna do it next with as-well 2011 – they'd probably use the 0 and the 1()1. LMFAO
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