Candlelight Dinners are for Ugly People
You eat steak at a steak dinner. You eat turkey at a turkey dinner. So what the heck do you eat at a candlelight dinner?
If you haven’t noticed, I have deep disdain for candlelight dinners. They’re stupid, and consequently, now they’re on my list of “things that make you go derp,” alongside Dancing Santas, fannypacks, and anything that spews out of Donald Trump’s face-hole.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m normally all about romance. In fact, I might be the most romantic person on the planet. My dream date? A walk on the beach where the water is 90% chocolate, 10% strawberries, and 10% roses. Oh, and 40% unicorns. There will be no math on this date.
But I draw the line at candlelight dinners. Candlelight dinners were created by ugly people. Think about it. The only reason they’re so “romantic” is because you can’t see the person sitting across from you.
The whole concept is offensive. If someone invites me to a candlelight dinner, I’ll immediately assume I’m hideous. It’s like, “Hey honey. We’re eating in the dark, because your face looks like a rabid baboon’s butt cheek.”
And while we’re at it, why are candles even a thing? Do people still rely on them? Candlelight isn’t practical anymore. Eons have passed since the invention of candles. We have lightbulbs now, and frankly, they’re a much brighter idea.
Yeah, candles are not efficient at enhancing our vision. If we must use them, let’s use them to enhance a better-suited sense, like our sense of smell. I’ll totally concede that candles are great for that.
Wait. Hold up. Candles are used to mask bad odors. Wow. This is more offensive than I realized. Every time I’m invited to a candlelight dinner, I must not only be fugly, but I must also smell like cat piss.
Well, damn, I’m embarrassed. Is it my cologne? Do I sweat too much? Perhaps I should try that new Britney Spears perfume. What was it called again… Believe? Fantasy? Trailer Park Mystery?
Getting back to the point, candlelight dinners are bad news. They’re insulting, impractical, and even a safety hazard. They are literally dangerous. I mean, what if, say, because there’s no real light in the room, my partner accidentally knocks over a candle? Well golly, nothing says “I love you” like a trip to the ER with a face full of fire.
If my boyfriend burned his face off, there’d only be one way I could look at him… we’d be having candlelight dinners for eternity.
135 Comments
Gillian
Ohtrue, and yeah i know im bored as ever.
For new years we're going downtown Toronto, to check out whatever their having there.
What about you ?
Brina
Orange? Haha, just watched leagly blonde last night. No one said orange was the new pink!
Jhase
You're sweet, but screw candlelight dinners. I'm so all about a dinner, movies, and possibly pool or put-put. I would so own in put-put.
Gillian
Lmaooo not only for entertainment ofcourse.
Im doing good too thanks. Im not up to anything all that exciting, just foolign around with the site.
How about you ?
Regina
Hm… now that you've mentioned it, it does seem a bit strange. 😛
It's like when people I don't know well give me perfume or makeup, I'm always like "uh… I do look/smell bad?"
Jill
Haha nice rant. Where did this hatred stem from? lol
Oh and thanks about the layout (:
Gillian
Yeah i agree, it just doesnt make any sense and they dont realize how seriously some people take the word "gay".
Haha ofcourse i dont hate you ! Gay people entertain me lmfao. Theyre so kind and ' bubbly ' (thats my description haha) compare to others. And ofcourse they are hilarious 😀
Lmao yeaup i think that make up will last me pretty much forever. Thing is i dont even use 90 percent of it. Not that hot xD, there's some pics on the owner page haha.
Anyways how are youu ? 🙂
Stephine
OH.. yes! I do talk how I write, lol.
Stephine
Ah, your posts are absolutely funny!
YOU USE CUTENEWS?! There's no way. Uhm, to make it easy, you could just send me the amazing code you're using to personalize it 🙂 That's basically what I need.
On Photoshop, I just need to learn how to use patterned backgrounds that will work.
Leann
You have a very funny theory about candlelight dinners! 😛 True, I don't know what the occassion would be to have one. Perhaps just a nice warm atmposphere?!? 😀
Celeste
Oh thanks 🙂 Hmmm I totally second your opinions… you have like an all-rounded way of looking at things.
I'm not the hopeless romantic either lol. Candlelight dinners don't work for me too. What's so romantic about eating dinner with your partner while totally enclothed in darkness?
Rachel
hahaha NICE!! and did it? xD I bet it became a wonderfully handsome prince ;D Kay I'm done. Hm… I can't think of anything like that that I have done just because I saw it in a movie, but I'm sure there have been plenty of things. 😛
Tiaralynn
I never even really heard of a candlelight dinner. I saw it but I didn't know about it. I rather have a turkey dinner. lol
LMAO
It's like, "Hey, honey; we're eating in the dark, because your face looks like a deformed baboon's ass.
haha so funny.
and the nasty fumes. lmfao
:p
Jhase
Can't really say much on a Candlelight Dinner, because I've never had one. It sounds romantic, however not sure on that. Doesn't seem like something I would do, I'm an old fashion type of guy in a way I guess. Anyways, great blog post again.
Wait, wait, wait…they have Turkey Dinners? I though we refered to those as Thanksgiving..
Kaylee
But… I love candles! Nothing wrong with adding a little romance to the atmosphere, even if it's because you can't see your date clearly 😛
And hey, there are usually fire extinguishers around…
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