Close Encounters of the Scared Kind
In my experience, first dates are a recipe for awkwardness. When I barely know the other person, it’s a struggle to keep the conversation flowing. Inevitably, I run out of things to say, leading to long, uncomfortable silences. I hate that silence. It sends mixed signals, makes everyone uncomfortable, and, most importantly, doesn’t provide any background noise to mask my farts.
To avoid these awkward moments, I come armed with a list of questions. A first date with me becomes a full-fledged interrogation. My favorite question to ask is, “What are you afraid of?” It’s a fantastic icebreaker. You can learn a lot about a person from their fears.
Fears reveal vulnerabilities and pain. They make us relatable. In the past, my soon-to-be boyfriends have mentioned spiders, heights, and even death. One dude said he was afraid of the mystery meat in school cafeterias. That date would have gone much better if I hadn’t already ordered meatloaf.
All these fears make sense to me. They’re practical and life-saving. Being fearful of “tall buildings” and “rotten foods” can keep you safe. Sadly, my fear doesn’t follow the same logic. It’s bizarre and unlikely to ever protect me. It spooks me. It keeps me up at night. It makes me suck my thumb and hide under my blanky.
So now you’re probably wondering, “What on Earth scares him so much?” Well, stop thinking so narrow-mindedly. My fear isn’t on Earth. My fear is literally out of this world. I’m afraid of aliens.
To clarify, I’m talking about aliens from outer space, not the ones that come from, say, Cuba.
Aliens totally freak me out, especially the cliché, cartoony ones. I don’t care if they come in peace. They need to back off with their big black eyes, giant green heads, and awkwardly elongated arms.
When I look at pictures of them, I feel a strange discomfort. Maybe I was abducted in the past or something… Oh dear god, WHERE IS MY BLANKY?!
When an alien pops up in a movie, I don’t just pee a little. I pee so much I have nothing left inside of me and deflate like an inflatable mattress. When I was younger, the film E.T. the Extraterrestrial scared the living air out of me.
Seriously, that movie wrecked me. I was constantly on edge because one of the lamps in our living room cast a shadow that looked just like his glowing hand and turdish body. One night, I had a terrible nightmare and woke up screaming, “E.T. tried to finger me!”
Ridiculous dreams have always been a part of my childhood. I had recurring nightmares about those talking M&M mascots. Instead of me trying to eat them, they were always trying to eat me. In retrospect, for all the trauma they put me through, those talking M&Ms can bite me.
Being afraid of “the M&M people” kind of makes sense. I mean, M&Ms are a registered trademark of the Mars snack-food company. Yes, Mars like Martians. What if the connection isn’t a coincidence? What if our planet has already been invaded?
We must fight back with another bite-sized candy. I’d suggest Reese’s Pieces, but we all know E.T. loves them.
121 Comments
Gillian
Families spend time together how family day 🙂
I was suppose to go to Brampton with m mom dad and aunt .. but when i woke up on sunday morning i was home alone …… so much for family lmao.
Chelsea
LOL you're such a baby 😛 Aliens would be sick nasty party animals! Or atleast my imaginary ones are :*
Ben
I am scared of lots of things. Trees, talking to people I don't know, llama haters etc etc.
How can ET scare you? Oh.. yes. ET I remember now, he tried to act all friendly but I am not falling for it. I know your ways ET!
Sarah
Spiders scare me more because they're actually… real o.o Of course I'm not denying life on other planets but I doubt they'd look the same as they are portrayed in movies. If you haven't already, I don't recommend you watch Child's Play because that will seriously give you nightmares. It's funny while you're watching it, it's just after it's over you fear that a little doll is coming to kill you haha.
This blog pretty much made my day, so thanks for that xD
Amy
Cool, I'll check that side out. 🙂
xx
Rachel
I'm afraid of aliens too xD The way they are depicted as looking just creeps me out like no other. Oh and one year for Chanukah, my parents got my brother and I the twentieth anniversary edition of ET… I was freaked out and my brother ran and hid behind the couch crying!
Alya
Yes. I had to go on top of our house roof to check something up there and our house is like 2 floors. I was so scared.
And one time I had to go in to a house by climbing and going in through the window. I got soo freaked out.
But I did go up there at the end.
Cynthia
Being scared of aliens isn't that odd … it's just kind of like being scared of the unknown. 😮
I hate how aliens are usually portrayed! What if they looked like us? weeeerd!
Manda
hah, im just joking!
Amy
I watch Smallville sometimes. Just random episodes though so I don't really get the whole picture. 🙂
Heroes hasn't come back on in the UK yet. It went off for Christmas half way through a series and isn't back on yet. Grr.
xx
Manda
Haha. Some people have premonitions though, maybe you were seeing the future 😛
Nathalie
Hi!
Thanks a lot for your comment and… well. I believe it must be better to have someone waiting for you when you come home than just air. Anyway! Love your site and gosh what loads of comments you receive! What's the trick 😉
Manda
Well my mind was only replaying what I had saw on tv somewhere. That's where dreams come from, either you see what you dream or you think about it at some point. You were probably thinking about the m&m trademark before you dreamed that. Or you saw a show about aliens/picture/ or something to make you dream it.
Alya
Aww I've been missed! yay me thanks!! hehehe *me trying to be sassy*
Anyways, I absolutley love your blogs. They are just amazing to read. I am so sorry for replying 5 days later. Will you forgive me? I guess not.
So how is your fear going? Still scared of aliens? I have this amazing fear… of… of… heights! lol I've been like that since I was a child.
Btw how are you?
Sarah
Aww.. That's the main problem with vlogs, roommates are sleeping and you can't listen, or you don't h ave sound 🙁 Oh well though, making one was fun 🙂
How's you?
-Sarah
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