Congrats! Your Hurricane is a Boy!
Why on earth do Hurricanes have names? I can understand giving names to planets, household pets, and maybe even male genitalia, but it makes no sense to give names to tropical storms.
Isn’t it a tad distasteful to be on a first-name basis with an evil whirlwind of doom? I mean, we don’t give names to tornadoes, snowstorms, earthquakes, blizzards, or any other natural disaster… So why not just say there’s a hurricane coming? That’d do it for me.
Per my research, back when this started, there were only female names. My guess is some salty sailor dudes did all the naming. Yeah, they were probably a bunch of disgruntled losers trying to get even with the women who reduced their lives to rubble (get it?).
These days, hurricanes are assigned a mix of both male and female names, because equality, right? The current lineup for 2009 is Ana, Bill, Claudette, Danny, Erika, Fred, Grace, Henri, Ida, Joaquin, Kate, Larry, Mindy, Nicholas, Odette, Peter, Rose, Sam, Teresa, Victor, and Wanda.
Hold up. Let’s talk about these names for a minute. They are way too passive. Hurricane Mindy? Who’s going to take a warning about Hurricane Rose seriously… she sounds like my welcoming grandmother. And boy oh boy, nothing sounds more catastrophic than Hurricane Grace.
If we must name hurricanes, we should give them names that strike fear into our hearts. I’d be much quicker to heed the warning for Hurricane Psycho-Killer-Demon-Possessed-Alien-Little-Kid-Zombie-Fleshed-Porcelain-Doll-Decepticon.
But with a name like Fred, you’d think the hurricane was a playful puppy or a kindly Uncle. People should not be sympathizing with swirling storms. And if scary names are too trauma-inducing, I have another pitch. How about derogatory names that better characterize their rude nature?
Picture it: One season might start out with Hurricane Asshole, and then continue with Hurricane Beeotch, and then finally wrap up with Tropical Depression Crackhead. You can’t deny that this would liven up weather reports…
“Now Bob with the weather. Bob, it looks like Hurricane Dickwad is headed right for the Florida Keys.”
“That’s right, Jim. What a prick.”
Wouldn’t that be fantastic? And if we adopted this naming convention, we’d have enough insults to last for decades. Of course, if we ever ran out, or just for variety, we could always switch to German.
129 Comments
Natasha
Lmao.
Your officially cool.
I believe the reason why they give only hurricanes names is because of how long they last? This is just a guesstamation on my part, but since they can get pretty wild and last a bit its easier to keep track, plus more than one can be happening and.. I don't know?
All i know is when are they going to throw out a Hurricane Natasha? I've been waiting since I was born, well sort of.. and I still haven't heard of oneee. Can we request names?
Watch mine be like, destroying half the world -_-
Merete
yeeeeey. I gonna make a ponny ! 😀 suuuuuper great idea ! ;p
sup?
Shur
It's raining now as I'm replying you 🙂 What's the weather like over there!?
Rita
That was the fucking shit. I am LMAO now. But, ohh lucky me, I already have a hurricane named after me. I'm sure we all remember, Hurricane Rita.
Nnie
You should thank to me I've saved your precious two hours of your life :/
HAHA LMAO your blog is freaking funny seriously. lol Hurricane Rose? Lol maybe someday they'll name a hurricane "Hurricane Nnie" and when it comes they'll scream "Hurricane Nni– dammit I don't even know how to pronounce it! just stop!"
Honeul
now that you mentioned it, I wonder why they gave name to typhoons and hurricane. My guess is so that if we have two or more typhoon, it would be easier to point them.
Jhase
-Jumps on- I can't believe you're going to New York! I am so jealous of you right now. You really should check out The Game, I don't lie when I say it delivers, because it really does.
Alex
Hiya, thanks for the comment. I'm glad you like the site 🙂 Yours looks awesome too though the name made me go O.o at first 😛 I Totally agree about the hurricane names. Majority of them don't seem scary… more like a cute dog or something, or the person you sat next to at school
Rachel
Lol I can't describe him well. xD Except he had short dark hair (almost black) and he was kind of muscular but not overly much. 😛
Georgina
I always thought those names were weird. Grace is a really weird name for a tornado. "Hurricane Dave" was one I heard of. Dave? Sounds like the nice guy down the street. I think your suggestions should really go in. XD
Apparently they name these things in order of the alphabet every time a new one comes or something.
Some of the names are terribly silly though. They don't even sound drastic or anything. :S Like that is going to scare or warn me. :S
Rachel
Psh, well, he didn't LOOK like a worm, if that makes it any better. 😛
LOL yeah it would be great to have a random educated man in every room. Then maybe he could tell us why they name hurricanes like they do. 😛 It's true, the names are not that threatening. Wasn't there like… Ike or something last year? And it's like hello… "I like Ike" Eisenhower campaign slogan anyone? 😛
Gillan
thanks for the compliment on the lay ^^
Ariel
hahaha you're funny. I wish you were the weather man on the news, I'd watch it every night then.
Shur
Love the switching to German idea. And also the "Decepticon" at the end of your super long hurricane thing. AUTOBOTS ATTACK.
You can still bug me for…whatever if you want to, haha.
Clairessa
OMG! I never thought of that lol! They don't name tornadoes or anything hehe. It's like, "No Rose, stop! Don't hurt me!" Man, your blog brings up an amazing point hehe.
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