Congrats! Your Hurricane is a Boy!
Why on earth do Hurricanes have names? I can understand giving names to planets, household pets, and maybe even male genitalia, but it makes no sense to give names to tropical storms.
Isn’t it a tad distasteful to be on a first-name basis with an evil whirlwind of doom? I mean, we don’t give names to tornadoes, snowstorms, earthquakes, blizzards, or any other natural disaster… So why not just say there’s a hurricane coming? That’d do it for me.
Per my research, back when this started, there were only female names. My guess is some salty sailor dudes did all the naming. Yeah, they were probably a bunch of disgruntled losers trying to get even with the women who reduced their lives to rubble (get it?).
These days, hurricanes are assigned a mix of both male and female names, because equality, right? The current lineup for 2009 is Ana, Bill, Claudette, Danny, Erika, Fred, Grace, Henri, Ida, Joaquin, Kate, Larry, Mindy, Nicholas, Odette, Peter, Rose, Sam, Teresa, Victor, and Wanda.
Hold up. Let’s talk about these names for a minute. They are way too passive. Hurricane Mindy? Who’s going to take a warning about Hurricane Rose seriously… she sounds like my welcoming grandmother. And boy oh boy, nothing sounds more catastrophic than Hurricane Grace.
If we must name hurricanes, we should give them names that strike fear into our hearts. I’d be much quicker to heed the warning for Hurricane Psycho-Killer-Demon-Possessed-Alien-Little-Kid-Zombie-Fleshed-Porcelain-Doll-Decepticon.
But with a name like Fred, you’d think the hurricane was a playful puppy or a kindly Uncle. People should not be sympathizing with swirling storms. And if scary names are too trauma-inducing, I have another pitch. How about derogatory names that better characterize their rude nature?
Picture it: One season might start out with Hurricane Asshole, and then continue with Hurricane Beeotch, and then finally wrap up with Tropical Depression Crackhead. You can’t deny that this would liven up weather reports…
“Now Bob with the weather. Bob, it looks like Hurricane Dickwad is headed right for the Florida Keys.”
“That’s right, Jim. What a prick.”
Wouldn’t that be fantastic? And if we adopted this naming convention, we’d have enough insults to last for decades. Of course, if we ever ran out, or just for variety, we could always switch to German.
129 Comments
Debbie/MOM
I am leaving work in 10 minutes, stopping at Kroger to get Dr. Pepper, and I have Chinese food plus I'll still make spaghetti. BYE!!!!! Love, Mom
Shellz
Ah, you're so lucky! I'd love to go inside the statue of liberty, haha. ^_^
Shellz
Yeah, of course, you're a bad influence!!! haha.
No, but I'm just gonna save up and go later this year. Maybe over my fall break. =)
Thuyy
LMAO wtf this was the most random blog I've ever read. >.< Only you would write a blog about HURRICANE NAMES. D:
XD LOL
hey, who said i wanted a nobel peace prize?(:
Regina
Bahaha hurricane Psycho-Killer-Demon-Possessed-Alien-Little-K
id-Zombie-Fleshed-Porcelain-Doll-Decepticon.
I always thought they named hurricanes after the person who first realized there would be one coming… hm, not sure though. However, it would be much funnier on the news if they named them Dickwad or Barfboy. 😛
Jen
Justin! Shame on you! *shakes head* I didn't eat anything there except stale and expired cookies XD
Shellz
I've always wanted a hurricane named after me, haha. ^_^ Because my name is so rare, it'd be so cool!
"Now Bob with the weather. Bob, it looks like Hurricane Dickwad is headed right for the Florida Keys."
^^ lmao!
I doubt the names would ever run out, haha. But I have no idea why they name hurricanes, hmm..
Gillian
Lmao I really don't want to know either.
You're right, I've never really understood why hurricanes are given names either.
LOL and if they are going to name them, they should definitely name them something more ferocious sounding.. like "Hurricane Bitch" 🙂 not Hurricane Grace. -.- Very misleading there.
Tellie
I already knew that hurricanes were named after women at first, and for the very reasons you mentioned. I'm guessing the Fred thing comes from running out of names. There are only so many names you can think of that start with "F" can't wait until they come up with Crackwhore. It'll probably be a few hundred years before they run out of enough "C" names to get there.
Debbie/MOM
HA-HA!! I like your hurricane blog!! I agree!! I will be home at around 7:30 with soft drinks and I will be making spaghetti. I love you! MOM
Paige
Well, at the top of the arch it isn't really cramped. There's not that many people up there at one time. The problem I have is the elevators. They rock back and forth and scare the crap out of me. There a little cramped.
Jill
Haha thanks. (and I agree 🙂 lol)
Cozza
Yeah, for some reason I always suffer from website problems :S I guess I'm just unlucky D:
LOL that actually made me hell laugh, oh yes I've been sexually abusing my header file every night, hence why it committed suicide xD !
zomg! what an epic blog post. bahahaha i also don't see the point in naming hurricanes, although at least there's a humorous side to it. I mean some of the names are ridiculous, no one is going to feel scared that Hurricane Suzie is coming. D;
I think that we definitely should spice up the names we give hurricanes. Your suggestions are great, hard to top ;P Just imagine trying to tell everyone that something like Hurricane Bumsniff was coming
Kissliin
haha i wondered the same thing. i think the names are based on how strong the hurricane or typhoon, etc is. but i dont get how they choose the name. rose seems kinda soft. lol
wow youd tell everyone? arent you worried about paparazzi and stuff?
Meaghan!
Haha thanks. & I did. Lol, I've only been on a ferry twice :0 I love how you followed like every sentence with "…" 😛
HAHA, my friends named their 'male genitalia' lmao. Yeah, I don't understand why they give names to hurricanes either. It's not like people are gonna remember which one it was that destroyed a certain city.
Haha, Grace reminds me of old people -_-
Crackwhore, lmfao. Where do you get these ideas for rants? Haha. This just provided me laughs for the whole day (:
Leave Comment