What a Load of Hogwash
I’ve always dreamed of attending a pig-catching competition. Imagine the hilarity of watching idiots struggle to chase oily, muddy piglets around a pen for cash prizes. Sign me up! After an unproductive day of binge-watching clips, it’s clear that catching pigs is nearly impossible. So, that being said, why the hell is it so easy to catch Swine Flu?
Fear of the H1N1 virus is spreading like wildfire across the United States, and according to CNN, my college boasts the worst outbreak in the Midwest.
Well, dang. Why couldn’t we be on the news for something cool, like discovering Bigfoot’s Facebook account?
With over 110 identified cases, you’d think our university would shut down. But nope, classes are still in session. The school officials are carrying on like it’s nothing. They’ve simply handed out a few boxes of hand sanitizer.
In my growing paranoia, I have some pressing questions…
- Will Swine Flu give me an uncontrollable craving for bacon and pork chops?
- Should I slather myself in oinkment?
- Is this more of a snoutbreak or a hamdemic?
- Are we heading for an Aporkalypse, Hamageddon, Pink Plague, or something equally dramatic?
- Should I sneeze by saying achoink?
- Will there be blockbuster movies about our school, and if so, can I be the main character? I’d like to pitch: Swinedler’s List, Pig Trouble in Little Mexico, and Babe: Death in the City.
- Once infected, is this an acceptable pickup line: “Girl, you need to be quarantined, because you have a case of the Fine Flu.“
Wow. There are so many swine flu jokes going around. It’s like an epidemic or something.
What even is Swine Flu? Now, I’m not a scientist, but I do have a theory. I bet it was started by a group of jealous pigs. Hear me out: Turkeys have Bird Flu, cows have Mad Cow Disease, and crabs have… well, you know. Pigs were simply next in line to pig out and bring home some extra bacon.
Darn those attention-boars.
I used to trust pigs. I even had a piggy bank. Well, not anymore. First, they took my money, and now they’re trying to kill me. Remember when PETA protested that meat is murder? They were actually warning us!
Help me! I’m living in fear! I doubt I’ll survive this Swine Flu. Hell, I doubt I’ll survive my university’s quarantine. Well, I suppose there’s a chance… when pigs fly.
72 Comments
Scott
"Is this snoutbreak a serious hamdemic?"
ahahahahha genius
Greg
Ahoyyyy there affie! haha (:
I have a new layout up, and i really like it!
I hope you do too!
Come check it out and tell me what you think!
Greg xxx
Oh and btw, my brother has swine flu, its just mild though! He is really sick, but its not as bad as it could be, its just like normal flu! (:
Greg (:
Tiff K
You will survive! Our college was the only one in our vicinity that didn't suspend classes because really, swine flu is just… the flu. I also got the flu but I lived! More people even die from ordinary flu. Really, just eat healthy and rest! Nothing serious about it. After all the hubub last June (June's our opening of classes), swine flu is sort of gone now. I don't even hear it being talked about anymore here. hehe
Grace
Nice! I just wanted to let you and anyone else know that I am hosting a contest on my site or any aspiring writers/photographers! Read the blog post on my main page for more info.
Francine
basically,when someone gets swine flu in our school,it closes for about a week or so. so,secretly,i am praying that…..no,im being unnecessary here….but….i hate school. Dx
Mutay
hahahhaaaa, omg your hilarious.
i quite like this blog, swine flu isn't that much of a problem here in london, its sort of died down, random teenagers just to pretend to have it so they can look cool.
anyways chynna told me to check out your blog, and i think its immensely cool, your name is pretty hardcore too.
mutay xxx oodles of love'
Surge
This little piggy went to market.
This little piggy stayed at home.
This little piggy had roast beef,
This little piggy had none.
And this little piggy spread a deadly strain of flu across Mexico killing hundreds
Oooh, naughty piggy. >.<
Candy Blush Beauty Blog
Ohh.. I thought the Swine Flu has died already, argh..
I just remembered, my mom told me that a sign of end of the world is present when pigs fly.. she heard it somwhere long before.. omg.. >.<
Meaghan!
Haha yeah, I'm an excessive texter [: I challenged my boyfriend to a thumb war. Guess who won? [;
I did get it to work! Whoo! 😀
Oh it's alright, a lot of us are busy 😀 & thanks lol
Ew, I hate pigs 🙁 I hate bacon haha.
Swine Flu is UGH. Our school hasn't gotten it though ;D Whoo.
I have three piggy banks! Idk how to get the money out though since the cork is like stuck haha.
Angelica
Haha this post is hilarous! 😀
Those pigs sure came up with a evil skeem! I'm not sure I want to be a vegetarian anymore. 🙁
Kat
yeah i thought it was really weird too, she could have saved me so much time and hassle by simply telling me instead of making cryptic comments. It wasnt really that obvious because it was the bottom hem of the dress on the inside and I don't really have a habit of turning dresses inside out, i will now though!!
pig catching competitions?!! hahaha
LOL at those jokes oh dear lmao
omg you've had 110 cases???! you should well be sent home or something lol. I've not heard much about swine flu over here now it's dying down a bit i think
Georgina
Haha well it must be universal! XD And yeah, funny that, my stomach did evolve. XD
HGAH, so many swine flu jokes! My friend actually had it, but she went to the hospital and they removed it from her system. It's a good thing though that hospitals – or most – can deal with it.
I'm actually not entire sure what it is… I just know that if I feel terrible or sick I should keep a look out. XD
Cecilie
Haha, I think people are taking this swine flu thing a bit too serious. I'm so sick of hearing about it everywhere:P When I started school it was pretty much one of the main things they talked about. Oh well …
Chrys
I actually went to the hairdressers today, but then I chickened out and rode my bike home again. I don't know what to do with it so I am scared I'll get something done and then hate it :S
I could always do that… hahhaa. But then were would be the fun in that? Promises are made to be broken… okay, maybe not. But still. This time I will not break it. You just watch 😉
Kitty
omg identified cases of swine flu in your uni? i'd shit my pants, really.
*shivers*
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