Wrap Rage: Seal of Disapproval
Christmas movies make me laugh with all their clichés. There’s always a scene where children rush down the stairs to discover mountain of presents beneath the tree. Cue the sappy music as the camera pans over the kids tearing open boxes, revealing board games, Bratz dolls, and the occasional Mr. Potato Head. Parents look on adoringly, and the world is full of happiness. Gross.
I don’t know about you, but my childhood Christmases never looked that picture-perfect. In fact, they were quite the opposite. Instead of running to the tree, the first thing I’d do in the morning was head to the shed for a chainsaw.
You see, the thrill of getting a new toy was always ruined by that plastic clamshell packaging crap. You know, the impenetrable bubble stuff that’s always wrapped around electronics. Trying to pry that shit open often resulted in injury, sometimes even blood loss. Christmas Eve became a day to prepare for the coming war.
I’ve faced some pretty defiant packages in my day. I was forced to attack them with scissors, pliers, a butcher knife, a razor blade, my teeth, and even a newborn baby. Yes, a newborn baby, because, well, rumor has it kids can get into anything.
Trying to salvage my holiday spirit, I recently looked into solutions and found a device called the Package Shark. I was so excited until I realized it was also wrapped in clamshell packaging.
Don’t get me wrong; I understand it’s to prevent theft. But when it takes you two days to open your purchase, it kind of defeats the purpose. And boy, the worst part is when the clamshell is so tight around an item that there’s nowhere to poke without punching through the item itself.
A brand-new pair of headphones should not come with a sliced-up wire and 17 dents in the earpiece before you can use it.
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, 6,000 Americans are sent to emergency rooms each year with injuries caused by trying to open their purchases. What the hell?!
Another idea: why don’t we use this stuff to make condoms?
In conclusion, I hate clamshell packaging. It’s pretty awkward when you go to return something, and it looks like it’s been attacked by a Rottweiler.
113 Comments
Julianne
Haha, I totally set myself up for that one!
Chrys
Hahahahha. I don't think I've ever heard of clamshell packaging.
-google time-
Oh, yes I have. Jesus. I AGREE! That stuff kills to get into. I seriously don't understand why they make it so hard!!
Can you imagine the pain guys would have to endure if they started making condoms out of that? HAHAHA. How would you get it off?
Greg
Helloo Justin, This may sound sad but when I was a little tot I used to PLAY WITH BRATZ 😮
Oh the days! Now I get picked on for it, I feel so sorry for myself haha!
Anyway can you maybe, please, please please please enter my advertising challenge? I will love you forever if you do! Thankyou so much if you do!
Love Greg xxxxx!
Chrissi
Well, so I can assure you that my Christmas didn't happen like this, too. =P
OMFG. 6,000 people? My father is a real security freak. Since my old bike was stolen in 2004 I guess, he always uses three bike locks instead of (normally) one. He also had installed a fake camera above our apartment's door. Et cetera, lmao.
Apropos the smoothie thing: when reflecting about the preparation … you could be very right when you've said that maybe somebody had threwn something strange into the fruits mad. haha.
Brittany!
sounds like fun! xD and i got side swept bangs, so yes trendy.(:
Jill
The Korean kind lol. You throw them under the water and they go zipping by. Hours of fun.
Masoud
thank you soo much for the nice comment justin!! 😀 <3
what a funny blog!! but I understand your 'pain'
My friends are always packing the presents in 100 different layers just to annoy me.
After struggeling to open this present for 15 minutes, I finally come to 'the end'. When I do come to the end, there isn't anything there.. My friend reveals that he (or she) has the money (or whatever I'm going to get) in his pocket -.-
How freaking genious, actually.. but still, it terribly annoying. What a waste of time and energy!!
WOW, the statistics are surprisently high!! I'd never have guessed that 6000 people are getting injured every year just because of opening their purchases :s
: )
Allie
LOL. You better not be calling me mannish. *glares* >:|
Aw, it took you THIRTY minutes to write that? 🙂 I feel so special. 😀 I luhh you too, Justin!
Jill
There's like raft nights and whatnot. I guess they don't want people to have fun. There's all these restrictions on pool toys too. Like no torpedoes. When I was younger, torpedoes were the shit man.
Grace
Thanks for the comment Justin!
Jill
Even so, you can only have rafts at certain times at my pool. I've been practicing mostly in a 2008 Toyota Camry but I'll be driving mostly a 2002ish Honda Civic
Helena
Well not exactly aliens, mind you, they're not graphically horrifying! 😀
I'm probably scared of creepy crawlies, and maybe heights. More to annoyed, actually.
How are you?
Lee
She's not a rapist! Her vlogs look innocent. D:
I reckon this time it will work. 😛
Georgina
We don't really use AIM much here. :S I had an account but then I…
Holy shit. I just signed in and it worked. WTFFfOOOOOOO~
I'm scared now. I don't know if it actually works. Umm, but I believe my username is Ginsiez. D:
I've already started uni so I all the plans I had in the holidays are gone… well, I had plans for my holidays but THEY DID NOT WORK OUT. I wanted to get my scribble portfolio up, but there are about 100 more scribbles to scan, which I really don't want to scan. 🙁
I would like to add more tutorials on my website… I wrote one today, so I suppose I should be proud. XD I'm basically working on things here and there.
On my other domain I have some fanlistings to complete too. So it's all over the place. 😛
Lee
Nope, we're not! We will be though! We might go to Maritime next sundayyyyyy.
I'll keep a look out for those awesome things then!! Good luck. 🙂
I'm designing a NEW WP LAYOUT because WP is an ASS!! >:O
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