Wrap Rage: Seal of Disapproval
Christmas movies make me laugh with all their clichés. There’s always a scene where children rush down the stairs to discover mountain of presents beneath the tree. Cue the sappy music as the camera pans over the kids tearing open boxes, revealing board games, Bratz dolls, and the occasional Mr. Potato Head. Parents look on adoringly, and the world is full of happiness. Gross.
I don’t know about you, but my childhood Christmases never looked that picture-perfect. In fact, they were quite the opposite. Instead of running to the tree, the first thing I’d do in the morning was head to the shed for a chainsaw.
You see, the thrill of getting a new toy was always ruined by that plastic clamshell packaging crap. You know, the impenetrable bubble stuff that’s always wrapped around electronics. Trying to pry that shit open often resulted in injury, sometimes even blood loss. Christmas Eve became a day to prepare for the coming war.
I’ve faced some pretty defiant packages in my day. I was forced to attack them with scissors, pliers, a butcher knife, a razor blade, my teeth, and even a newborn baby. Yes, a newborn baby, because, well, rumor has it kids can get into anything.
Trying to salvage my holiday spirit, I recently looked into solutions and found a device called the Package Shark. I was so excited until I realized it was also wrapped in clamshell packaging.
Don’t get me wrong; I understand it’s to prevent theft. But when it takes you two days to open your purchase, it kind of defeats the purpose. And boy, the worst part is when the clamshell is so tight around an item that there’s nowhere to poke without punching through the item itself.
A brand-new pair of headphones should not come with a sliced-up wire and 17 dents in the earpiece before you can use it.
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, 6,000 Americans are sent to emergency rooms each year with injuries caused by trying to open their purchases. What the hell?!
Another idea: why don’t we use this stuff to make condoms?
In conclusion, I hate clamshell packaging. It’s pretty awkward when you go to return something, and it looks like it’s been attacked by a Rottweiler.
113 Comments
Allie
LOL. Shame on you, movie is a no-no! Though the movie theaters ARE rip offs. Popcorn and drinks are SO expensive! -.- But I cheat a bit too. 😛 The tickets for 11 and younger are $8.50, but 12 and up is $12.50, I think, so I say I'm still 11. Teehee.
Alicia
Oh haha I know, those packages are insane. The funny part is I've still caught people trying to open them to steal stuff at my work… none ever succeeded, but it's still funny to catch someone.
Cecilie
My favorite chocolate is probably milk chocolate. Although I like white as well. Kinder chocolate is love!
Haha, yeah. Christmas presents can be a bitch to open. But wow 6000? That's a lot of people:P
Kitty
I hate packages that you can't open without using a saw V_V
We don't celebrate christmas, but since we are russian we celebrate New Year the same way sort of… and our presents were oranges V_V so these movies suck!!!
Shellz
haha @ using it to make condoms, wow!! no one would use protection then. xDD
eh, I hate that type of packing to, but that's what scissors are for. 🙂
Lucy
ahh rofl!
itss summer hollidays i cba with punctuation! rofl
Lucy
yeaah!
awww hahaa! and there like was the queen simon cowell lewis hamelton big brother chair (which you could go on)
Caity
Wow, I can't believe how many people hurt themselves opening things. People must be pretty stupid sometimes.
This entry is great. It made me giggle.
Merii-Beth
thanks for the comment!
i love your layout as well,
ahh, i like your whole site actually!
what amde you come up with something like this? 🙂
Lucy
yeaah! he was well kool i had my picture took with him! they had spiderman too!
Helena
Oh you code good? Awesome!
I'm nothing much, I'll make a new layout sooner or later. Idk hahaz.
Lucy
awww haha! well i liked michael jackson and shrek and britney spears but all of them were really good!
Ginger
[Copy + Pasted] Hi Affie, I'm really grateful that you were patient when I was on my small hiatus. So I'd just like to tell you I'm back for the most part. Thanks again!
Shur
Please and thank you
Sabryna
Oh, God. Clamshell packaging… I'm quite skilled at opening it, with the assistance of hunting knives. I still usually end up with cuts from that horribly invention.
The thought of clamshell condoms pains me… As does the though of new electronics in general because of that awful plastic…
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