Wrap Rage: Seal of Disapproval
Christmas movies make me laugh with all their clichés. There’s always a scene where children rush down the stairs to discover mountain of presents beneath the tree. Cue the sappy music as the camera pans over the kids tearing open boxes, revealing board games, Bratz dolls, and the occasional Mr. Potato Head. Parents look on adoringly, and the world is full of happiness. Gross.
I don’t know about you, but my childhood Christmases never looked that picture-perfect. In fact, they were quite the opposite. Instead of running to the tree, the first thing I’d do in the morning was head to the shed for a chainsaw.
You see, the thrill of getting a new toy was always ruined by that plastic clamshell packaging crap. You know, the impenetrable bubble stuff that’s always wrapped around electronics. Trying to pry that shit open often resulted in injury, sometimes even blood loss. Christmas Eve became a day to prepare for the coming war.
I’ve faced some pretty defiant packages in my day. I was forced to attack them with scissors, pliers, a butcher knife, a razor blade, my teeth, and even a newborn baby. Yes, a newborn baby, because, well, rumor has it kids can get into anything.
Trying to salvage my holiday spirit, I recently looked into solutions and found a device called the Package Shark. I was so excited until I realized it was also wrapped in clamshell packaging.
Don’t get me wrong; I understand it’s to prevent theft. But when it takes you two days to open your purchase, it kind of defeats the purpose. And boy, the worst part is when the clamshell is so tight around an item that there’s nowhere to poke without punching through the item itself.
A brand-new pair of headphones should not come with a sliced-up wire and 17 dents in the earpiece before you can use it.
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, 6,000 Americans are sent to emergency rooms each year with injuries caused by trying to open their purchases. What the hell?!
Another idea: why don’t we use this stuff to make condoms?
In conclusion, I hate clamshell packaging. It’s pretty awkward when you go to return something, and it looks like it’s been attacked by a Rottweiler.
113 Comments
Brittany!
well, i went shopping today for school clothes, and i got a haircut! 😀 what about you?! [by the way my christmas's are like that, except my parents take to long to wake up, so i usually jump on their bed, which is even more like a movie. God im a loser!(:
Jill
I'm not sure that that would go over so well.. though a bunch of my friends are lifeguards… hmm options 🙂 lol
Georgina
Hey, I'm not bad. 🙂 Just working on my site/s and stuff.
It's probably because of the timezones that I sign off… remember next time! 🙂
Lee
It's alright. Who doesn't laugh at pain? xD
OH I'M GREAT THANKS! I MIGHT GO TO THE MUSEUM WITH GEORGINA AND I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!!!!!!!
Whassup?
Laura
Boooo! I tell you the world is lacking in Chemistry lovers. I must try to convert people aha. YAY COOKIES :D! I am lacking cookies atm ¬¬ This fact does not amuse me!
Awwww I love Christmas movies haha. I agree that they are not true to life though. Packaging is a nightmare! Not just the boxes, oh no. My family are the masters of wrapping things up using pratically a whole roll of selotape! So yeah, I injure myself before I even get started on the box the damn thing is in. I tell you, Christmas presents should come with some sort of warning!
Chynna
I recently had some trouble with clamshell packaging.
I bought a new pair of Skullcandy headphones and I couldn't open it up the first day I got that I had to give up and try the next day. I used the kitchen scissors in the end because they are pretty big. And a knife. Gosh, packaging these days.
x
Aimee
Your blogs always brighten my days with their randomness. I found out my wrist is fractured and sprained among other things.. anyways! I HATE THOSE TOO! Omg! I always dread Christmas because I know that I probably didn't get anything I wanted probably…CLOTHES! That's a thing that makes me mad, christmas and birthdays are about getting presents and the parents pull out the clothes… You can buy me clothes throughout the year! NOT ON THIS DAY!
Wow 6,000? That is alot of people getting hurt just trying to open their gifts! O_O
Ben
UGH, UGH. I FEEL YOUR PAIN, well I don't but I can imagine. I'll buy you a chainsaw for Christmas. (: But seal it with clamshell packaging, ooh that's evil…
Taversia
….lol?! …6,000 Americans injured from… opening store-bought toys and appliances? REALLY? Wow……… That's really discouraging. O_o;
Eka
I have three academy awards now. Thought you might like to know.
They seriously need to get rid of that packaging. Not only is it impossible to open, but wrapping a clam-packaged item is a feat in itself. They can't just put things in boxes. It has to be some jacked up dodecahedron thing. What the fuck?
I was unaware of the fact the package shark was in a clamshell. Is that supposed to be some kind of a sick joke?
"Before you can open any package, you need prove your worth by conquering the final frontier of clamshell packages! *D-D-DUN!*"
Sky
Noo! Haha, I think saying like unless it's a comparison makes you sound kinda… lame 😛
I hate packaging like that, it's so unnecessary. You waste so much material on those.. 🙁
They should use it to make condoms! that would save a lot of people distress 😉
-Sky
Christine
I hate those packages. Now I'm the one who helps the little cousins and random other kids in our family open them and it always follows with swearing and throwing the package.
My boyfriend actually wrapped my present last year in about four layers of book tape, brown paper, and duct tape so I spent a good 45 minutes trying to open it when my family laughed. Evil!
And ps- I'm following you on Twitter now!
Helena
Damn you have a point there, and that 6k number is definitely CRAP LOL.
I'm feeling okay now, thanks.
Anyway The Host is about this soul (alien thingy that travels and takes people's bodies to live) came to look for Melanie, but she's strong so she can't possibly leave the body. So the body has two souls (sorta) and they fight to fit in with a bunch of survivors and stuff.
I hope I made sense!
Gillan
I've never thought opening presents can be hazardous because my presents always come in boxes covered in gift wrappers xD
And those darn clamshell packaging,is a pain when i buy new headphones >.<
haha,gummy bears are my favorite sweet.and they are complimentary with my site name xD
Francine
thank you.
*your blog*
we do christmas differently. we have a party and christmas eve,wait until midnight (or earlier if i moan enough) ,then open our presents. i dont think ill be able to sleep knowing that there are things downstairs all wrapped up and waiting for me to shred apart…
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