Wrap Rage: Seal of Disapproval
Christmas movies make me laugh with all their clichés. There’s always a scene where children rush down the stairs to discover mountain of presents beneath the tree. Cue the sappy music as the camera pans over the kids tearing open boxes, revealing board games, Bratz dolls, and the occasional Mr. Potato Head. Parents look on adoringly, and the world is full of happiness. Gross.
I don’t know about you, but my childhood Christmases never looked that picture-perfect. In fact, they were quite the opposite. Instead of running to the tree, the first thing I’d do in the morning was head to the shed for a chainsaw.
You see, the thrill of getting a new toy was always ruined by that plastic clamshell packaging crap. You know, the impenetrable bubble stuff that’s always wrapped around electronics. Trying to pry that shit open often resulted in injury, sometimes even blood loss. Christmas Eve became a day to prepare for the coming war.
I’ve faced some pretty defiant packages in my day. I was forced to attack them with scissors, pliers, a butcher knife, a razor blade, my teeth, and even a newborn baby. Yes, a newborn baby, because, well, rumor has it kids can get into anything.
Trying to salvage my holiday spirit, I recently looked into solutions and found a device called the Package Shark. I was so excited until I realized it was also wrapped in clamshell packaging.
Don’t get me wrong; I understand it’s to prevent theft. But when it takes you two days to open your purchase, it kind of defeats the purpose. And boy, the worst part is when the clamshell is so tight around an item that there’s nowhere to poke without punching through the item itself.
A brand-new pair of headphones should not come with a sliced-up wire and 17 dents in the earpiece before you can use it.
According to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, 6,000 Americans are sent to emergency rooms each year with injuries caused by trying to open their purchases. What the hell?!
Another idea: why don’t we use this stuff to make condoms?
In conclusion, I hate clamshell packaging. It’s pretty awkward when you go to return something, and it looks like it’s been attacked by a Rottweiler.
113 Comments
Trish
This reminds me of the time I sliced my hand on a pudding package, desperately trying to open it. It was a sad day for me.
Greg
Hey Justin!
I have made my new layout please come and check it out!
I hope you like it!
From Greg (:
p.s i love the site, still! 😀
xxx
Kat
lolol your blogs never fail to make me laugh. woahhh 6000 americans lol
its ironic that the package shark should come in the packaging, maybe its to test your patience lmaooo
Milu
Hi Justin ^^ I am sorry because i didnt come to here often lately but i have been busy , but now i am a little more free…btw…i loved ur Hello kitty outfit 🙂
Meaghan
OMG JUSTIN! I LOVE YOUR SITE! and you…sometimes. Lol jk. Your guestbook is so disgusting! My mom walked by and she was like "ew! a cockroach!" (:
Allie
LMAO. I love this. 😀 Cute.
Sean
Just randomly wanted to tell you I love you and I love the site honey. You truly fascinate me with all your talents. You are amazing. *kiss*
Patty
OMG, you are just too funny! Checked out your site after you just put your plug on my Fuller Brush website! LOVE your site – it's so fucking cool!! 🙂
Jaylin
Haha, thats funny about the condom part. I hate the hard plastic on the packaging.. I don't even bother trying to get it with my teeth anymore, cause I've chipped my tooth doing it ha. But I always go straight for mr. scissors.
Theresa
Haha, well if I could I'd send our rain your way. :]
And 6,000 Americans in the ER from packing-related injuries?! That's just silly.. packages most definitely need to be easier to open or come with instructions on the box or something! xD
Nnie
I don't really like Christmas movies. They're all the same, so cliche with happy kids opening their Christmas presents and stuff D:
6000 people? That's a lot!
Allyson
i just read the comment you left on my site. like. what. wow. months ago. ha! i love how i am a super responsible website runner person. i totally keep up with things. i'm so on top of it. sorry. i just wanted to reply to you for some reason. you seem to make me smile. does that seem creepy? can you hear the creep when you read it? … okay. i'm really sorry. i don't know what i'm up to. but it better have a spectacular end. finish big! …hi. i'm allyson. i'm a reckless typer.
Erika
sorry its taken so long to reply 🙁 my Fanupdate dosnt accept comments anymore :'(
aha, i love the relaxation part of baths the dirty water is just sick ROFL =P
Courtney
ohman i think you know what you mean about the "clamshell packaging" it is just about impossible to get the item out of it.
I just bought headphones not too long ago, and it took me what it seems like ages! to get out of the package. i need to find someone who can explain why they make it impossible to open.
Felisa
Shoot… Why are we wasting our time trying to find a cure for cancer? We need to create a device that will easily open up those clamshell packages. We'll save lives I'm sure.
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