Congrats! Your Hurricane is a Boy!
Why on earth do Hurricanes have names? I can understand giving names to planets, household pets, and maybe even male genitalia, but it makes no sense to give names to tropical storms.
Isn’t it a tad distasteful to be on a first-name basis with an evil whirlwind of doom? I mean, we don’t give names to tornadoes, snowstorms, earthquakes, blizzards, or any other natural disaster… So why not just say there’s a hurricane coming? That’d do it for me.
Per my research, back when this started, there were only female names. My guess is some salty sailor dudes did all the naming. Yeah, they were probably a bunch of disgruntled losers trying to get even with the women who reduced their lives to rubble (get it?).
These days, hurricanes are assigned a mix of both male and female names, because equality, right? The current lineup for 2009 is Ana, Bill, Claudette, Danny, Erika, Fred, Grace, Henri, Ida, Joaquin, Kate, Larry, Mindy, Nicholas, Odette, Peter, Rose, Sam, Teresa, Victor, and Wanda.
Hold up. Let’s talk about these names for a minute. They are way too passive. Hurricane Mindy? Who’s going to take a warning about Hurricane Rose seriously… she sounds like my welcoming grandmother. And boy oh boy, nothing sounds more catastrophic than Hurricane Grace.
If we must name hurricanes, we should give them names that strike fear into our hearts. I’d be much quicker to heed the warning for Hurricane Psycho-Killer-Demon-Possessed-Alien-Little-Kid-Zombie-Fleshed-Porcelain-Doll-Decepticon.
But with a name like Fred, you’d think the hurricane was a playful puppy or a kindly Uncle. People should not be sympathizing with swirling storms. And if scary names are too trauma-inducing, I have another pitch. How about derogatory names that better characterize their rude nature?
Picture it: One season might start out with Hurricane Asshole, and then continue with Hurricane Beeotch, and then finally wrap up with Tropical Depression Crackhead. You can’t deny that this would liven up weather reports…
“Now Bob with the weather. Bob, it looks like Hurricane Dickwad is headed right for the Florida Keys.”
“That’s right, Jim. What a prick.”
Wouldn’t that be fantastic? And if we adopted this naming convention, we’d have enough insults to last for decades. Of course, if we ever ran out, or just for variety, we could always switch to German.
129 Comments
April
Hmm. Maybe because all things should be named? Lol. Idk.
Jhase
Um, well the statement issued by the new creative director of 90210 stated that the character Ethan has served his purpose. You know, without realizing he had a mentally challenged brother and then they wrote him incredibly more interesting with the final episodes, only to write him off. So yeah, it makes no sense. The writing is why this series sucks as it is. Rob Thomas should have never abandoned it. That man is a true writer, he would have made it just as awesome as he did with Veronica Mars.
Kaela
I’m not sure why, it seems weird now that you really think about it.
Haha, yeah, rappers are gonna think up lots and lots, german is always nice.
Vivien
I never got naming hurricanes either. It's as if they're trying to make up a whole family tree of hurricanes. Which brings up the question "Do hurricanes have kids?" Which would make sense, with Rose being the grandmother, Grace the mom, Fred the son, etc. etc.
If there was a storm called "Tropical Storm Cracwhore", maybe someone would actually watch the weather reports then.
Thank you for making me laugh 🙂
DEBBIE/MOM
Hi Justin!!!!!!! "My Hurricane Is A Boy" still cracks me up! When my check clears I want to take you to a movie……also, we'll do more grocery shopping, or I'll just give you guys money and a list (LOL)!! I fell asleep until morning, so I have to cook spaghetti and the sausages when I get home today!! I LOVE your New York pictures. Can I see them again? LOVE, Mom P.S. Put your dirty clothes in a pile
Diamond
Yeah LOL. And it does sound horrible… I bet it even feels that way too! Don't worry meh will! xD =) x
AnneMarie
Yeah, I think it's a bit stupid too. They have the names all laid out? That I didn't know.. the situation is even stranger and more stupider than I thought.
And sure, the genie guy is hilarious. ^^ Too bad Aladdin set him free.
Loco
Good question why do Hurricanes have names? Now i have to think about that lol. Ur blog is cute dude!
Shen
I couldn't have said it better. Despite their silly names they're so dangerous. xD I live in the Caribbean so I should be aware of hurricanes. I believe the season is from July to November? I'm not quite sure. But I really think they should reconsider those names. xD
DEBBIE/MOM
Hi!
I am VERY tired. Let's just pick up Subway, a few groceries & diet Dr. Pepper, and then go home!! Love, Mom (or Pizza).
Sabryna
I thought cyclones and typhoons were indeed hurricanes, they are just named so depending on their locations…
I want to see Hurricane Cotton Candy and Hurricane Ashley…
(And Joaquin is pronounced "hwah-keen" :])
Dating Advice Forum
haaaaaaaaaaaaaa naming runs is awesome, i wouldn't like my name associated with a hurricane….
Dating Advice Forum
haaaaaaaaaaaaaa naming runs is awesome, i wouldn't like my name associated with a hurricane….
Jay
i couldn't agree more. i would hate for my name to be associated with a hurricane that could've possibly killed the rest of my family :/ now that's just irony.
and grace? now, that's a name that defies hurricanes.
we need to contact the hurricane namers immediately.
Asmiya
Hi. Nice site. I like how you think. lol. Yeah they should change the storm's' names.
Nice site name as well. 😀
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